Suicidal

Discussion in 'Support' started by jeremy06, Oct 14, 2018.

    1. Jazzer

      Jazzer Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      1/1995
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise
      Star - a very special post. xx
      Those of us with really loud constant severity are the most reluctant of heroes.
      Thank you for giving us the recognition we all deserve.
      Now more than ever - I live for the beautiful people around me - my wonderful wife and family, and my three adorable pussycats.
      You never spoke a truer word Star.
      Dave x
      Jazzer
       
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    2. GORYLUCK

      GORYLUCK Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2000ish
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Bloody noise ototoxic reactions blithering idiotness
      So some of the pain is from grinding your teeth at night....(?) Like me...dammit
      Have you tried cbd/thc oil ? Meant to be superb for pain relief...some peeps use it as a more effective alternative to opiates... And it'd probably knock you out and give you a better nights sleepo_O I hear it's legal in Canada now.
       
    3. Star64
      Kick ass

      Star64 Member

      Location:
      Melbourne Australia
      Tinnitus Since:
      2001
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise induced
      I do not want anyone to suffer Harley, but I hope you stay completely rational, so that time never comes for you..:huganimation:
       
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    4. HootOwl

      HootOwl Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Advocate

      Location:
      California
      Tinnitus Since:
      2009
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Explanation in About You
      I don’t know if I would even call it coping. More like drifting. Nothing has changed since the severe shift a week ago. And it was instant. I was listening to my fan and then suddenly it got super loud with a distorted whistle on top of it. Instantaneous. Then I went into the shower and realized the water was distorted and also painful. Outside same thing with the light wind and traffic noise.

      I believe it was an acute acoustic trauma but I realize now that I had a massive fever at the exact same time and my ETs for the first time in my life are making this horrible loud crunch when I swallow. I’ve always been able to click them at will but this is very different.

      I couldn’t even rustle the toilet paper the reactivity was so bad. And even turning my head against the pillow causes the volume to instantly spike and then die back down.

      Before this I had moderate/severe tinnitus but this is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. I don’t know how much longer I can go on. I just don’t understand what happened to me or where the damage actually is.
       
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    5. HootOwl

      HootOwl Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Advocate

      Location:
      California
      Tinnitus Since:
      2009
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Explanation in About You
      And I suppose on a very scared and cowardly level I just want to be told it will be okay. Like a kid being told by their mom that everything will be alright. It makes me feel worthless and pathetic.

      I’m clinging to hope for all of these upcoming treatments but then I think, what if I’m the unlucky one. What if I’m the one where nothing works for. And it destroys me.
       
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    6. Lurius
      Wishful

      Lurius Member

      Location:
      Oslo, Norway
      Tinnitus Since:
      September 2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Valsalva maneuver
      I actually felt just like that in the first 6-7 months. So you're definitely not alone. And not being a kid anymore doesn't mean we're immune to fear. You shouldn't feel ashamed for reverting back to childlike state, your mind is probably confused and tries to figure out whats going on. It would only be natural to feel fear, even though its uncomfortable as hell.
       
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    7. Jazzer

      Jazzer Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      1/1995
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise
      Hi - I’ll just mention that I write a piece relevant to this called:

      “How to Cure Bruxism.”

      Dave x
      Jazzer
       
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    8. dan
      Chatty

      dan Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Toronto, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise
      It's only been a week, consider it a temporary spike.
       
    9. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      Where?
       
    10. FGG
      No Mood

      FGG Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Hall of Fame Advocate

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Multi-factorial
      My ex husband told me I was "acting like a child" and he would have handled it so much better. Oh and this gem too: people don't 'wallow in self pity' for months no matter what the circumstance unless they have mental illness. They attempt to rise above.

      Honestly, I don't know if people who say these things really believe them or if they want to excuse their callous and even cruel behaviour to loved ones that suddenly need them.
       
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    11. HootOwl

      HootOwl Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Advocate

      Location:
      California
      Tinnitus Since:
      2009
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Explanation in About You
      That’s absolutely inexcusable. I’d like to strap a loud, entirely unmaskable 9k tone to his ear and see if he can “rise above it” so easily. Shit himself is right.
       
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    12. linearb
      Psychedelic

      linearb Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      destroy all creatures. they cannot be regenerated.
      Tinnitus Since:
      1999
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      karma
      i just wanted to mention that I have TMJ, use a night guard and also a lot of thc/cbd and I think cannabinoids make me more likely to clench and grind at night. They do make sleep come very very easily, though
       
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    13. Jazzer

      Jazzer Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      1/1995
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise
      In the search line just put in:
      “How to cure Bruxism.”

      I had TMJ pain for years, until I saw a therapist who recognised and diagnosed it.
      She got me to understand how a clenched jaw was causing the pain in my temples.
      She essentially cured me in one session.
      If you read the post I have pointed out, you will understand that the teeth should never be closed except around food when eating.
      Become a - “soft mouth jaw hangar.”

      If you can adopt this discipline throughout the day you will almost certainly adopt the same position subconsciously in your sleep.

      Please let me know if it works for you.

      Dave x
      Jazzer
       
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    14. Jazzer

      Jazzer Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      1/1995
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise
      FGH - ignorant - callous - appalling!!
      Thank goodness he is your Ex.
      This awful syndrome you are coping with would likely have destroyed him.

      Great big hugs to you,

      Dave x
      Jazzer
       
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    15. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      I don't know. Maybe? Even if it is, unless it is the only cause of my ear pain, I don't know if I can treat it or prevent the ear pain from reoccurring.

      It's in a lot of pain recently. I am really miserable today. My right ear pain subsided but the left ear has been in pain what seems like more than 30 days of various severity.

      I would like to try CBD oil but I recall it was fairly expensive. I hate my life and I think about how to end it every day.
       
    16. arctic loon
      Dreaming

      arctic loon Member

      Location:
      Finland
      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      loud music
      @PeteJ have you considered if you have pain hyperacusis? Since you live in a noisy area, your ears can't rest and therefore the pain is chronic. Just my hypothesis... Does you ear pain react to sounds?

      With hyperacusis it's possible for the pain to irradiate on your facial nerves too. I've experienced it multiple times. Pain hyperacusis often gets misdiagnosed as TMJD - while it's of course possible you have both conditions simultaneously or only other one.
       
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    17. Star64
      Kick ass

      Star64 Member

      Location:
      Melbourne Australia
      Tinnitus Since:
      2001
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise induced
      Glad you stated ex husband in the opening of your post.

      Good riddance I say ;)
       
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    18. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      Besides ear pain and the pain around the cheek bone right under my ear, I have ear fullness. I mentioned that before? I can't take this much longer. What does ear fullness indicate? Does ear fullness heal? Sorry to keep posting this but this is agony.

      Something is abnormally wrong with my left ear. What is so disconcerting is how long this has persisted for.

      So no doctor can do anything about it, right? I don't understand why an ear would get fullness for this long.
       
    19. Star64
      Kick ass

      Star64 Member

      Location:
      Melbourne Australia
      Tinnitus Since:
      2001
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise induced
      The correlation between tinnitus and TMJ is a given, but has anyone ever undertaken a poll to see who had TMJ say prior to tinnitus or after the onset of tinnitus by Tinnitus Talk members?

      I had TMJ prior and it probably played a part in my tinnitus but the major player was noise.

      I know you are currently taking Clonazepam, has this not helped your clenching? The benzo certainly relaxed me and induced sleep easy, plus it also stopped me from clenching and grinding. Now I am back to hot and cold compresses I cannot stand to wear my guard as I do not sleep well when using it. Insomnia is pretty bad at the moment due to withdrawal I am sure you can relate to that :arghh:
       
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    20. linearb
      Psychedelic

      linearb Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      destroy all creatures. they cannot be regenerated.
      Tinnitus Since:
      1999
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      karma
      Pete, ear fullness is a commonplace sign of TMJ.

      https://www.emedicinehealth.com/temporomandibular_joint_tmj_syndrome/article_em.htm
      http://www.tinnitusjournal.com/articles/relationship-between-otological-symptoms-and-tmd-10364.html
      Emphasis mine.

      From all your posts and symptoms, you are a walking TMJ machine.

      Bite guards that work well are hit or miss and are very expensive.

      This book is NOT very expensive, and has enough self-management tips that many never go on to need a bite guard: http://amazon.com/gp/product/1572241268/

      @PeteJ I really, really think you should read the first few chapters of this book and do all the exercises suggested for 2-3 weeks and see where that gets you. If $19.99 is a financial burden for you (and there is no shame in that, at all!) I would be happy to buy a copy of this book off Amazon and send it to you. If you are not comfortable giving me your mailing address, which I would completely understand, I would be happy to use a middleman like @Markku if they were willing.

      I really think that your symptom complex is some mess of tinnitus -> anxiety -> stress -> tmj -> other symptoms like ear fullness -> more stress -> more anxiety -> more noticing of other symptoms -> more stress...


      .... you have to break the chain. No one can do it for you, but we're rooting for you.
       
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    21. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      But, the ear pain is not from stress or anxiety. It would lessen if the ear pain would stop and stay away.

      I perceive the tinnitus as a separate issue even if there is actually a relationship between the two. Although it is a physical problem, I don't 'feel the tinnitus' as the sensation of ear fullness and ear pain is physical pain that I can't do anything about.

      NSAIDs and Tylenol don't help and I am afraid to take too many as it is due to potential ototoxic affect.

      Constant and persistent ear pain at a severe level is worrisome and the suffering is too much. I pray that it will heal or heal with a proper mouthguard and/or treating TMJ if that's what is going on.

      You are correct: it's sad and pitiful but even $20 is a lot of money.
       
    22. Greg Sacramento

      Greg Sacramento Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      April 2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      syringing and now somatic T dental work
      I was able to solve my ear pain completely that relates to TMJ.
      Also solved burning mouth, over production of salvia, hyperacusis, high thyroid levels (now back to normal) and some neck problems.

      I still have problems with C spine including C1 and C2, TMJ / oral and carotid artery. TMJ and oral will take more time.

      My vision in left eye is now going. Seeing large spiders. This seems to be intercranial hypertension - pseudotumor cerebri causing PT. This probably was caused from too much CT radiation and too much vitamin A, glucose and sodium - and not enough Vitamin D. My sodium levels are within range, but for me they need to be in low range.

      Most problems can be solved, but my new vision problems may be permanent.
       
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    23. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      I just want to commit suicide so this ear pain will end.
       
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    24. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      My dog barked while sitting on the couch. I can't do this anymore.

      If the pain would stop by ripping my ear off I would. The only way to stop the pain is to kill myself.

      No one believes me that the pain is that bad.

      I bet no one believed that lady in the Netherlands.
       
    25. MattS
      Relaxed

      MattS Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Power Tools
      Pete, take @linearb up on his offer.
       
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    26. arctic loon
      Dreaming

      arctic loon Member

      Location:
      Finland
      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      loud music
      Read this article:
      https://hearinghealthfoundation.org/blogs/ears-on-fire

      This man was misdiagnosed with TMJ first. Just saying, don't ignore the possibility of having pain hyperacusis because if u do, you have to change your lifestyle fast to stop it from progressing.
       
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    27. linearb
      Psychedelic

      linearb Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      destroy all creatures. they cannot be regenerated.
      Tinnitus Since:
      1999
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      karma
      dude, we believe you, but you seem to be unwilling or incapable of actually following literally any of the advice anyone has given you.

      I think that if you address your TMJ issues, your ear pain and fullness will, to some extent, get better. Also, since much of TMJ self-management boils down to "anxiety and distress management", I think that if you followed the protocols outlined in that book I linked for about 3-4 weeks, you will feel better to some extent.

      So, you can keep doing what you're doing and going around in circles, but I've outlined a pretty clear path (as have others) towards some relief, and instead of taking any of this advice you just make the same "I am in pain, I want to die" posts over and over.

      We believe you're in pain. We believe you feel like you want to die. Since you're still here, your "not die" instinct, so far, is stronger.

      Please follow literally any of the advice people have given you here for managing your distress and TMJ. If you really did the protocols in that book for even just 3-4 weeks, which will take you like 60 mins reading and then ~10 mins a day, I would be shocked if you didn't see improvement in your ear pain and and fullness.

      All that said, I am a broken record @PeteJ -- this is in your hands now. If you start trying to work a TMJ program and have problems or questions about it, I'll be very happy to discuss my own experience.

      If, after all this, you continue to just basically do nothing to help yourself and just make the same feedback loop posts -- I am sorry, I cannot provide any more comfort or help, I believe strongly that TMJ is contributing to your problems and I have "led the horse to water", so to speak.

       
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    28. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      You can't know what is wrong. I don't know what is wrong and doctors I have seen don't know what is wrong.

      Saying I haven't 'taken advice " is false. I haven't been able to take all advice. It's still unknown what is wrong. If it's TMJ and treatment alleviates or eliminates the pain, that would be good.

      From the replies, I still say no one believes my pain is that bad or you wouldn't say things like that.

      From what I read, TMJ affects or can affect the entire face or cheek area and even the shoulder. I don't have that. Just the cheek bone right under the ear is affected but most of the pain in around and in the ear (canal) - the tragus area. I don't what's wrong - TMJ, hyperacusis, muscle problem, nerve problem???? It scares me since I don't know if it can be treated and now it seems to persist for much longer than before.

      I was up til 3am or later since the left ear pain was excruciating and the tinnitus was so damn loud. The reason I haven't committed suicide yet is because the pain and tinnitus makes it difficult to concentrate. You have to do everything correct or the attempt fails. Ironically, you need money for the supplies.
       
    29. linearb
      Psychedelic

      linearb Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      destroy all creatures. they cannot be regenerated.
      Tinnitus Since:
      1999
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      karma
      This is a symptom I 100% experience when my TMJ is flaring -- in fact, I'd say that's the hallmark symptom: usually unilateral ear pain and fullness, and worse tinnitus. Sometimes my jaw dislocates, sometimes not.

      The exercises in that book will, generally, help with this kind of pain. When I was in your situation, doing those exercises, over a period of time, alleviated my fullness and pain.

      I have offered to buy you this book if you can't afford it. I would even be willing to take pictures of the pages most relevant to "what should I do NOW to feel better ASAP", if that's helpful.

      I didn't, I don't think. I said that your symptom complex is clearly a subset of TMJ symptoms, and the fact that you haven't yet attempted serious, regular TMJ treatment just confuses the hell out of me because it's easy, free and will only take you like 15 minutes a day.

      Do whatever you want, dude. I tell you that I fully believe how much pain you're in and you say that I am lying -- well, there's really no rational way for me to engage with that, is there? You are putting up a brick wall here.

      I think TMJ treatment would help you. I don't know that, but I'm sure enough that I have offered you $100 if you try it and I am wrong, and I have offered to make it free for you to get the book/diagrams so you know what "TMJ self treatment" exactly I am talking about.

      I think that's a pretty generous offer; if you don't want to take me up on that, fine, but then it's like "oh hey, this guy @PeteJ is inside a house that pretty clearly appears to me to be on fire, but when I make suggestions about where the fire is or maybe how to start dumping water on it he just screams HOW DO YOU KNOW THERE'S A FIRE?! at me".

      It's pretty frustrating for us, man. I know you're in hell. We all do. We get it. That doesn't change the calculus on any of this other stuff.
       
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    30. Lane

      Lane Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      February, 2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ototoxic Drug
      @Harley -- This is a FWIW account: I watched a man talking about his decision to commit suicide by jumping of the Golden State Bridge (about a 99%+ chance of success). He talked about he had been absolutely certain this was what he wanted and needed to do. However... as soon as his body left the bridge, he said he knew with even more certainty that he had made a huge mistake, and deeply regretted his decision. -- Obviously, he survived.

      @MattS -- Aren't all "muscle relaxants" benzodiazapines?

      @Lurius -- Good point. One night, my hyperacusis was so bad, I couldn't even listen to my wife read outloud like we usually do (she has a very soft voice). So I was just laying next to her while she read. She then turned the page on the book she was reading, and the sound of it hit my ear (about 2' away) just right, and I literally went into no-man's land. I felt so "injured", I ended up straggling into another room and rolling up into a fetal position for a couple hours before I felt I could move again. -- No shame in ending up in a fetal position at times either. It is what it is. -- Though still quite problematic, my hyperacusis has improved since then.

      @PeteJ -- I always assume that no doctor can do much for me (on a number of fronts), and if they can, it's a bonus. It seems we're kind of on our own when it comes to solving some of life's health riddles. Shouldn't be that way, but unfortunately it is. Which is why I think you should seriously consider taking up @linearb's generous offer.

      Linearb, I've noticed the same thing. I think it demonstrates just how severely tinnitus (and in @PeteJ's case combined with severe ear pain) can affect cognitive function. It really is hard to not get caught up in these kinds of feedback loops. But I think it behooves us to do our best to do so. I think that's where various kinds of very effective calming techniques that some have mentioned might be a vital first step in breaking out of these kinds of loops. -- It's what I rely on all the time. -- @PeteJ, take care!
       
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