Suicidal

I'm not sure why a suicide thread was ever started? It just pulls people down. I thought it was Tinnitus Talk support forum? People want to have hope, not suicidal thoughts. I think threads like these just cause panic and negativity.

 

@PeteJ and
@just1morething,
You have said several times that your tinnitus ramps up at night/when you wake up.

Do you feel your other symptoms (fullness, ear pain) more when you lie down?

Can you start sleeping on two or three pillows instead of one?

I don't know anything about TMJ or sleep apnea.

I am just saying that if you by any chance have a tear in your round or oval window membrane between middle and inner ear (which you cannot know about because these things are too small to be visible on MRI/CT), you should try to keep your head elevated all the time in order to reduce your symptoms.

 

@Backpacker, thanks for your ideas! I might try using more pillows or sleep in a recliner. Sleep apnea means you stop breathing during your sleep. Usually it’s because your airway is not staying open like it should. That could cause less blood flow to your ears from what I read.

 

I will try to buy another pillow. It's worth trying.

I think my current ear pain might be due to my current cold and possibly grinding at night but I think colds are not good for ears.

 

I don't know what you mean by a dark place.

My tinnitus is excessively loud and multiple tones - most people who have it this bad get meds and I can't get any. My dr only prescribed a muscle relaxant which I didn't pick up. I don't think meds will really help anyway.

My desire for suicide is 100% based on the severe tinnitus and ear pain that keeps returning. I don't think loud tinnitus is something you can habituate to.

 

Pete, I'm sorry. I have multiple tones too and my tinnitus is unbearably loud. Nothing can really mask it today. Try to hang in there and hope for better days soon. I battle these dark feelings too.

 

Lol I can’t win. Throwing away boxes and one of those Amazon packing balloons got popped as I stepped on the box. Right ear was 2 feet from a wall... pop, not terribly loud, but I got a transient ringing.

Now what? Another f%-kin course of prednisone?

Ugh... gobbled some NAC over my usual dosage...

 

Don't read it then.

 

Researchers aren't getting money, it's all going towards CBT and TRT. Not science.

 

I’m suffering bad too but threads like this might push some people over the edge. Just my opinion. I would guess most support forums, chronic pain forums for example, don’t have suicide threads.

 

I don't feel more suicidal from someone else's post. It's 100% based on my own tinnitus and nothing else. Reading something here won't send me over the edge. I think that applies to anyone else and people just don't know how to handle reading people's expressions of how bad their tinnitus is and that it can be bad enough they want to end their life just to stop their tinnitus.

 

Hi Guys,

Just to say I am also right there... with both of you... hanging in tight.

Take good care.

 

My life is fucking miserable since my tinnitus onset. My tinnitus is so fucking loud. It’s worse than it was in the first months. This is funny, I guess. Life is just a bad joke... I hope I can end my life peacefully when I need to. This is not a cry for help, it’s simply facts. I’m so fucked up I can’t even feel alive anymore. I feel fucking numb. This can’t be real. A few days ago I dreamed about myself committing suicide and failed. In the dream I poisoned myself but it didn’t work and I was in severe pain. We need a solution NOW. WE NEED IT.

This whole situation is stupid and unnecessary.

 

I’am in the same boat, and been trapped below deck for years, and I really appreciate this thread, its hard enough to live in the real world where nobody understands how hard this severe tinnitus life is, how it just kills your soul and trigger depression over and over again. The it will get better-posts was not my own destiny, but at least we have some people here to relate to ❤️

 

I'm sure if ENT's had access to effective IT injections or pills for tinnitus they would help us. Are you eligible for Lenire? If you have jaw issues you could try a TMJ appliance and/or trigger point injections of lidocaine.

 

I feel the same or even worse actually. It’s been 8 months now and I know there is only a little bit of hope that we will see a working treatment in the coming years. I follow all the neuromodulation threads and hearing regeneration threads and I really hope we’re on the right track to have a working treatment, but I remain skeptical. Tinnitus is a complex neurological condition.

I hope that Dr Susan Shore can bring us real help. The results of her previous trial seem hopeful. I hope I can hold on to see the results of her current trial. I’m also curious about the results for FX-322’s second trial, but I think hearing regeneration research is still in its infancy.

I’m holding on, but I feel exhausted. My life is wrecked. I used to be an ambitious hard working person and now I barely function. My symptoms are so bad I can’t work and I suffer day by day. Ending it is on my mind every day now.

I have Visual Snow Syndrome. My entire brain is a hyperactive mess. My tinnitus has multiple sounds and is very intrusive. As if tinnitus alone was not bad enough as a punishment, my entire field of vision is distorted as well. The sound is one thing, but having a brain that is hyperactive 24/7 is the real killer in my opinion. I feel like its worse than having cancer. You can’t see that anything is wrong with me on the outside, but my perception of the world is completely distorted. I can hardly concentrate on anything and I don’t enjoy anything anymore. My brain hurts all the time non-stop. What is the point in continuing this life?

I am a deeply broken soul and I don’t know how much longer I can take it. I continue surviving on little bits of hope I find here and there and the fact that it would hurt my parents badly if I would no longer be there. My mother simply cannot handle any attempt to have a serious discussion about my situation. The reality though is that I died 8 months ago and that I am merely physically existing now. I’m lost and inches away of having a complete break down that will pull me over the edge.

We need a miracle. May God have mercy on all of us. Unfortunately part of me also knows all too well that life can be very cruel.

PS: I think it’s at least very understandable that there is a thread about ending your life. It is the reality of severe tinnitus and we should not try to hide that.

 

@brokensoul, have you been seen by a neurologist in addition to an ENT?

 

Not just neurological but probably auditory damage. I am skeptical of people who say stress or meds caused their tinnitus. Auditory 'impact' or damage seems to be a major factor that is not understood. It's like the brain cannot deal with it or doesn't know how so there is a 'malfunction' in the brain.

I think these guesses are as good as any? I am specifically speculating what leads to severe tinnitus but even with normal temporary tinnitus from concerts and other loud events produce tinnitus based on an impact to the auditory system but when tinnitus becomes serious and doesn't stop, it's still an abrupt auditory trauma of some kind that the brain cannot manage for some reason.

 

2 GPs, 3 ENTs, 2 ophthalmologists and 1 neurologist.

It’s been a painful struggle with the doctors so far.

I finally consulted Prof Dr De Ridder at the BRAI3N clinic (in Belgium) and they conducted a Loretta qEEG which confirmed that I have thalamocortical dysrhytmia and that my brain waves are abnormal. They also told me that I have strong hyperactive zones in my brain, most notably the auditory cortices, but surprisingly I also have zones that are abnormally low in activity.

I already knew by that time that that would be the case. I had well studied my situation (unlike the doctors who I had seen before) and reached that conclusion after a few months. BRAI3N just confirmed it.

There is nothing that can be done. My life is effectively over. Unfortunately the light doesn’t go out by itself and someday I’ll have to pull the switch myself. It’s the absolute worst feeling ever.

It’s like @acute said: “I never imagined my life would end like this”.

I’m trying to hold on for now and survive painful day by painful day, until my breakdown comes.

Greetings.

 

Well sure, it’s likely some neurological consequence to the damage in your auditory system. So far however we aren’t 100% sure and it remains a (likely) hypothesis.

A lot of medication is the cause of tinnitus. It does direct damage to the auditory system. All the rest that happens is likely indeed a neurological cascade due to the afferent situation. Your brain lacks input and causes maladaptive neuroplasticity. Question remains however why some people have profound hearing damage, but no tinnitus. Others have seemingly no damage, but very intrusive tinnitus. I know our hearing tests are archaic, and what hidden hearing loss means, but this still remains a mystery as to why some people develop tinnitus and others not at all.

Likely. Probably. We don’t really know anything for sure.

I believe that there is perhaps a possibility that our brain’s filtering capability is simply broken and is passing through somatic sounds. In my opinion, it’s certainly possible there are several subtypes of tinnitus sufferers, where tinnitus has a different pathological cause.

 

It's more than likely sitting on a shelf somewhere. The Hough Ear pill could certainly heal us but it isn't even being tested. It's just sitting there waiting for an investment group to take on the cost of more FDA trials.

 

Exactly, google PLF and SCCD for example. A lot of mild PLF cases are just walking around misdiagnosed with vestibular migrane, anxiety etc. Their "head"ache and "head" pressure actually comes from ears. Their derealisation is not a psychological disorder. It's just middle/inner ear affecting their eyes. The same goes for their dizziness/vertigo.
Off course everyone has different symptoms and not everyone with these symptoms has PLF.
However, some meds can be ototoxic and they can cause damage to auditory system as well, so these things should be studied more because they are not understood either, just my opinion.

 

I used to subscribe to ototoxic drugs being a major factor but I have questions about that now.

One is, if you have severe tinnitus - how much of a factor then? I am wondering if ototoxic meds will only lead to mild tinnitus.

My other question is that there are so many meds including over the counter said to be ototoxic that you would think almost everyone would have tinnitus by now? How many people use tylenol, for e.g.?

I am wondering if the ototoxic drugs are only bad if taken like candy or in other words excessively large quantities? Or for an extremely long duration? What about people who take many medications long term? How frequently do such people have tinnitus? If they have tinnitus, what is the state of that tinnitus? When did they get it? I dunno... just asking...

 

I feel you. I too was ambitious, now I've lost almost all hope. Every day is an absolute challenge. I gained weight to 300 lbs, I lost all my money, my relationship fell apart and now my second one is doing well but still my girlfriend suffers every day hearing to me moan about this, school is difficult due to this, work... idk. If I didn't have help from my family, I'd be homeless.

Within 1 year my life REALLY turned around. Complete 180.

 

Does anyone's tinnitus change to where you would describe it as ringing usually but then the change is like it is then a buzzing sound of tones?

I hate this. I try not to but I can't help think of life decisions and wonder if I stuck to original plans, maybe I don't choose whatever route it was that led to eventual tinnitus. Some series of events and decisions should have led to avoiding it?!? It doesn't matter but it has ruined my life and it is just mind boggling that the brain and ears can malfunction to this state of loud and severe tinnitus.

 

For me it was ototoxic meds that made my tinnitus severe, and I just took half the daily dose of lexapro(Escitalopram in Sweden) for five days, and Phenergan(Lergigan in Sweden) for two nights to sleep better, it was sadly enough to give me a really bad reaction. You don't have to take it for many months, it's just like acoustic trauma, some people never get tinnitus, even if they play the drums for 50 years, when others can get it from just one club night, a single gunshot, or taking a sleeping pill for the first time. Bad genes or bad luck I guess? Maybe it's the combination that is really dangerous, that many of these meds can amplify preexisting tinnitus, and the risk for severe damage is a lot smaller if you don't have broken ears to begin with?

It's hard to draw a line here, the only truth seems to be that some people are sensitive to medication, and the medical industry must know this, that at least somebody will get these reactions, and bad enough to get there lives destroyed. But there are always casualties in war, and to make an omelette you have to crack a few eggs. In the big picture maybe these meds save more lifes than they destroy, but it's not so funny to be one of the cracked eggs, it actually makes you feel like an egghead, and even more when many doctors, friends and familymembers don't even believe meds can have these side effects

 

Believe me, the answer is NO.

 

Mine seems to be like that. Sometimes it changes to the ''whirlwind of sounds'', especially at night time. Then it calms down. Then the same process all over again.

 

big mood

unlucky me (and you)

 

I'm also unable to get past the part, where our very own brain creates this unbearable and completely pointless condition.