Suicidal

I don’t think anyone here actually wants to die. We just don’t want to live like this. If you can even call this living.

 

@Yuuls -- A LOT of people! Love conquers all, even the little things like the inability to go out to bars and restaurants.

 

Even if love conquers all, I think there is a huge difference between loving someone who later develops tinnitus and trying to date and meet people with tinnitus. Tinnitus is so limiting and so anxiety inducing for me at least that restaurants, bars are just the tip of the iceberg. I'm afraid to go to movies, exhibitions, theater or even just leave my place, so dating seems to be impossible. I'm anxious and frustrated all the time and very, very afraid of sounds and worsening. I would not want to be a burden on an other person and screw up his life too. Also, I really like kids, but very scared of a potential pregnancy's effect on tinnitus, and kids are so freaking loud. Who would want to put up with all of these issues? I had been depressed way before tinnitus, but this is a new kind of hell.

 

100% agree. And all the guys that I do know that have tinnitus have a very very mild case of it so it will be hard to get past that “overreacting with ear plugs” phase. I definitely agree on the feeling like a burden thing. I don’t want someone to miss out on certain life experiences or have them ruined by my anxiety.

 

I’ve been married for 25 years now and lately all I’m thinking is that I should suggest divorce to my husband, this burden eventually becomes everyone’s burden and I can’t accept that.
He goes everywhere alone while I’m at home unable to participate in life.
He could still meet someone and live the rest of his life just like any other normal person.
I’m absolutely devastated what my life turned into... because of (out of all body parts) two f....g HOLES in my head!!!!

 

I think we are both right, we wanna live, but not like that, which makes me at least not wanna live much.

There re so many lifestyles, some people enjoy being home 10 times more than leaving, there's hope

 

If one more person tells me to be very grateful that this is not life-threatening, I'm gonna lose it. Belittling the problem does not help.

 

Come on Valeri, he's a great person with many qualities beyond your diseases and issues.

If you love him and he loves you (which I'm sure he does because he's still with you in this insane fight), you guys are going to pass through it.

And after all, he's still living, he keeps going out, and by the end of the day always coming back home for you

 

I often wish it was so at least we’d have 1) concern from the medical community and 2) and end in sight that was out of our hands.

 

I see your point but married life should be more than doing your own thing!
I feel guilty, extremely guilty and sad...

 

This isn't aimed directly at you but everyone here who's feeling like they do. It's a tip for masking at night time that literally made my life SOOOO much better and was a game changer for me. If i think about the rest of my life like this yeah its also SOO depressing but I try not to think about it. Ok so here is my number one tip for night time.

Download the 'Sleep Sounds' app from the Play Store on your phone.
Go to YouTube ripper and download whatever rain masking sounds you like on YouTube into MP3.
Place phone under your pillow at night and i use the gentle rain sound on the app.
MP3 playing YouTube sources externally next to my bed.

I don't hear it anymore, both ears are masked and I sleep like normal. This routine/technique literally has saved my life probably. Habituation is not possible if your tinnitus is anything other than very mild so trying to 'get used to it' its bad advice if you ask me and you should try to mask it 100 percent and have as much comfort as possible.

I don't fear bed time anymore, I know how to deal with it. I'm lucky in the day time outside the house I don't hear it much, rest of time I either use music tv or masking on laptop to cover it. I don't think about it anymore and as a result I'm no longer trapped in a depression or anxious state.

Try it, i hope it helps someone/anyone here.

 

There's been several postings just within the last several days about healthcare being very irresponsible to find one's tinnitus cause. We do need a cure for the ringing, but we also need all in the tinnitus space to express a priority that healthcare have more awareness for those with tinnitus.

With a search on any issue(s) that may cause tinnitus, there's are thousands of medical science articles/studies that discuss systematic cause. Tinnitus is an effect from something gone wrong and that wrong is causing the ringing or pulsing. There's just too much emphasis being place on cause such as with polling and survey's on basics, such as does your jaw and neck hurt. How many times does this basic information need to be collected.

Some within the medical tinnitus space and other spaces get funds, grants, paychecks and clients from this. It's nothing more than first grade. Issues are more complexed and healthcare needs to be more understanding towards those with tinnitus. We will never radiate this problem, but maybe with more awareness, your doctor and dentist may show a little more concern. I just wish that tinnitus conferences would catch on to our real needs. We will need to address government and medical associations. This would be a way for hospitals, doctors and dentists to be educated and with need to start showing concern. I do doubt that lots can be achieved as time and expense are issues and that which associates to insurance companies, hospitals, doctors and dentists.

Thoughts @Markku and @Hazel

 

I used to think in the early days. I will go to my local ER saying I want to off myself. Then realized they will hold me and prolly pump me with antidepressant. No significant help would be offered.

 

My tinnitus is through the roof. I am trying to get a gun but I was hoping I can last until I receive more money.

I am kinda scared to use an exit bag. My tinnitus is not reducing and the current state is hell. Every day I want to die. I know some people think my survival instinct will kick in but I don't think so. When the tinnitus is through the roof, I think I can do it.

I bet everyone who has committed suicide from this has done it when their tinnitus was loudest or when it was exceptionally loud.

 

Getting harder and harder to hang in there every day.
What is the point of being here if I am miserable daily.
What am I living for? Like there is no purpose. The purpose of life is to live, to make memories, make mistakes and learn and move on. Life won’t be perfect, but you’re not supposed to be miserable all the time. It’s one thing to be depressed from things that have a solution. There is no solution to this hell.

I can’t go a single day without looking up the least painless ways to exit.

 

The Lenire review thread looks like a mess to me.

There are so many intangibles to tinnitus.

Presence of hearing loss? Volume and severity, pitch, number of tones and what the tinnitus sounds like, hyperacusis? Ear pain? How long or total duration of tinnitus etc.

It's so discouraging. This is all we have and only some people are able to use it and for most, it doesn't help.

 

A few days before I went to the fucking concert that ruined my life, a guy at work was telling me how ears were one of the worst things to have injured because you're always listening. I should've read the fucking sign and not gone. I will never forgive myself for allowing the murder of the happy, full of life, fun loving guy that I was.

FX-322 and the other drugs can't come fast enough. Not only do I want to eradicate the tinnitus I've been cursed with since I was a fucking 10 year old, but I want ALL of my hearing back. That's right, all the way to 20kHz you motherfuckers make it happen!! I want all my hair cells firing on all synapses. No more screeching tones. No more crackling eardrum, no more distortions and hyperacusis bullshit.

 

Amen LOL

 

Same. I had a feeling I was getting tinnitus. Took a break from the electronic drums, went to Mexico, came back then to what I refer the 15 minutes that wrecked my life when I tried playing them again. Problem is I kinda knew about tinnitus but had no clue what hyperacusis was & had developed it.

 

@Tweedleman did everyone one else end up with tinnitus?
Mine just happened but when I have a spike I go into self blame mode. I try avoid that now as it causes me anger on top of all the other emotions. Once you stop, a weight is lifted. What would you say to a mate?

@valeri at the end of the day you’re the one feeling all of this, he still gets to have an ok life. At least we are appreciative spouses and parents as we see the bigger picture with this condition. The ones around us could have worse companions...


To all newbies - you imagine that our whole life is going to be a repetition of this horrible period over and over again, that’s what freaks you out... but it probably won’t be.

Don't get me wrong, things aren’t always a picnic... but, keep an open mind.

 

How can life not be a repetition of this horrible period? Struggling to be able to see it this way

 

Fading and/or habituation.

 

Because most people adapt to tinnitus and have ups and downs with it. I’m going through a rough patch but had a few ok months in Autumn...

 

From the sound of it, your tinnitus is moderate, you will get used to it.

 

You will get your sleep back, it just takes some time for people who needed silence to sleep.
Now that you have this high pitch noise your brain doesn't like it, but it will get used to it.
Try not to stress about it too much - easier said than done.
Once the noise becomes a part of you, you wont believe it now, but it will happen.

 

Yeah like Allan1967.

 

I went for a walk outside today in a very hilly area. This is the second day in a row that this has happened but my hissing sound disappears and gets replaced with a vacuum sound in my right ear specifically. I’d describe it as not the sound a vacuum makes when you’re right by it, but the high pitched whine you hear if it’s in another room.

Wtf ears I wonder if it’s from traffic noise or from my heart rate going up. I always start to hear it towards the end of my hour long walk.

I thought I was starting to do a bit better by making myself be productive instead of laying in bed depressed but now I’m thinking staying inside might be a better option

 

I sure hope so.

 

Your tinnitus is very new. It ought to continue to change, albeit incredibly slowly. Don't assume that you will be stuck with what you are hearing now.

 

Is it selfish to not want to be part of a world you can’t live comfortably in?

Is it selfish to want to end it all because none of the things you imagined for yourself will come true and you will never be emotionally fulfilled?

Healthy people are able to get past the impeding doom of their bodies deteriorating from age because they get to enjoy life for a long time before things kick in

Why should I suffer if I’m in my 20’s and I’m already struggling and it’s only going to get worse from here on out?