Suicidal

I don't know how I can afford the exit bag tank. People off themselves by hanging all the time and I can afford a rope. This agony is too much. The tinnitus is so loud and I hurt my left ear yesterday and it is still in pain.

I will write a note and I don't care if this site wants to use my info. Do whatever you want, Tinnitus Talk. I don't care. I will be gone. I can't stand this anymore. I just feel bad about my dog but I tried to endure but I can't anymore. I tell myself we all die eventually so I don't think about the finality of death. It is like a real ongoing nightmare and I never wake up from it. Death is the only relief. Fuck all the useless shit in the treatment section. The health community and the researchers and all them can fuck themselves.

 

Why not give benzos a try? It's better to be alive and addicted if that is your fear.

 

It’s sad to say this, but this condition has made me no longer fear death. Suffering is all that is left and the only thing I can do is to stretch the suffering as long as I can.

It’s pointless and I only go on because I see the pain in my mother’s eyes when I try to express my true feelings.

I enjoyed life and still had many dreams, but now I know that this is all gone.

Knowing that you’re stuck in a broken physical vessel is absolutely soul crushing.

My heart goes out to all the people in the world that are suffering. I’ve always been empathic with people who are going through the most horrible diseases and conditions, but now I’m on the other side and now I deeply understand in ways I could not before.

 

This, I can relate so much. I no longer fear death, before I was like your everyday person, fearing of cars passing by when trying to cross the street, fearing of cancer, that I might get this in the future if I do bad habits like smoking or who knows.

Now, I really embrace the inevitability of death. If I shall die soon, then so be it. I really can't control anything, that's what I've learned with this disease. NO ONE CAN CONTROL ANYTHING.

But how can you be happy if you can't control your life? Human happiness is based on control and choice. And tinnitus doesn't leave you any choice than to accept death or a very miserable life, that will still end in your death, only years later.

It's sad, I'm in my early 20s guys, I didn't deserve this. I wanted to become an artist, I no longer have energy for that.

 

My ear has been in pain not from hyperacusis but because I accidentally hit it. I didn't think it was very hard. But, I don't know why it's still really sore. It means my ear is fucked?

The screaming tinnitus is so fucking loud that makes me think it's one of the loudest here. Sorry. Can't help it. Too many tones. It's inhumane. I don't want to struggle to sleep because of this every night. I struggle to concentrate and focus on routine things. I am going to try and join a suicide site again. It's not easy or a routine process to join. I don't think I can get any more from this site.

 

It's not, trust me.

Once tinnitus becomes heard over anything, it is hard to compare severities, but I can tell you with pretty much certainty that yours is not the worst case - and you should be happy about that.

 

Are you a famous expert on tinnitus? I don't think so.

 

2 years 4 months, still hoping.

 

To all you survivors on here I salute you all.

 

My electro-metallic buzzing gets softer and sometimes sounds "broken" when I go for a run.
Swimming used to have even more drastic effect before, but now that my cardiovascular system got used to swimming and my pulse does not go up as much during swims the effect disappeared. My pulse stills go up a lot during running.
So I believe in my case the change is related to blood pressure/HR/hormone changes.

Physical exercise may rise serotonin levels in the brain, which is known to affect tinnitus perception. SSRIs also increase serotonin levels and if I read research articles correctly SSRIs are not a good choice for managing anxiety with tinnitus patients since the increased serotonin levels might negatively affect tinnitus perception.
But don't take my word for it, this is very far from my field of expertise

 

You didn't sleep for 2.5 years ???

 

I'm an expert on tinnitus suffering. I got so many tones I can't even count them, let alone try to discern them. I think you need to suffer for at least 3 years to be deserving to off yourself - how long have you had severe tinnitus for my friend ?

 

Didn't sleep properly...

 

How are you feeling @Yuuls?
I hope you feel better these days.

 

I can off myself in April?

 

I too am in my 20's and am suffering. I have had these issues since I was 18. The prime years of my life have been impacted. However, there is much hope on the horizon. In 5 years at the most, things will be drastically better. Multiple companies are racing for the cure or atleast very effective treatments. We WILL get better. This applies for everyone who is going to be around for the next 5 years.

 

It seems to be this is what people were saying on here 5 years ago about other treatments

 

5 years ago when I was first on this site the only thing happening was AM-101 for acute tinnitus that was it. I had little to no hope of getting better, it all looked so bleak. But now there's FX-322, the Hough pill, OTO-413, SENS-401, Audion, SPI-557, and likely other solutions from companies that are flying under the radar. There's massive profits to be rewarded to whoever gets to market first. It's only a matter of time.

 

For normies this is a suicide thread.

For me it is a test to find out rather I am going to eternal oblivion(nothingness) or if some form of quantum information equivalent to a soul really exist. Either way I may never find out because I'm either obliterated or have no recollection of my past life. However mainstream science heavily argues against the existence of anything equivalent of a soul.

 

I think I’d rather be a rock at this point

 

One thought that scares me is if I kill myself and come back as like a poor person in a 3rd world country and still end up getting Tinnitus on top of another or something.

Like i’ll Be punished for taking myself out of this “cycle”

But also I don’t believe in any sort of afterlife, I think we just die at that’s it

I’m jusf afraid of the pain from suicide but I guess that’s all momentary. I think if I suffer long enough I won’t be afraid of experiencing that pain anymore. But I think that’s like the standard thought process of someone who is debating suicide

 

Only if you get a permission note from Dan.

 

We were talking about this way back in this thread. Very hard to explain visual experience of born blind NDErs . This challenges any "consciousness= pure operation of the brain/Turing machine" model. Note also that extremely intelligent people and masters of mathematical logic like Kurt Goedel were theists.
We don't know enough yet to deliberate one way or another

 

According to buddhism it won't really be you (anatta). According to Hinduism maybe. For Abrahamic religions there is no reincarnation. Overall the odds are good

 

Interesting how every religion has it’s own theory. Wonder what the truth really is. Guess we will never find out

 

Christian saints have a good record with miracles (see Lourdes in particular). Some cases are very well documented. The sceptic will say spontaneous remission but there is no way Matteo Colella healed by spontaneous remission. You have many documented healings. This is circumstantial evidence that there is something. Also, big bang creation is more compatible with a linear cosmology rather than a cyclic one, even though one can say almost anything with modern string theory and landscapes.

 

I heard of only one case of a blind NDE. I can't accept evidence at face value.

The AWARE studies on NDE's found only a small pool of patients that floated outside their bodies in a third person view but NONE OF THEM seen the letters/numbers placed above them. However they did find many people with ZERO brain activity reporting sights and sounds accurately from their body. The materialist can always argue the brain cells are still alive and the brain is just capable of functioning on extremely low power.

 

I honestly see miracles as just coincidental luck. Out of all of the people in the world, all of the terrible things that happen and combination of events, etc, I think someone healing when it was “impossible” and things like that are all purely luck. By definition it is a “miracle” I guess, especially when you attribute it to yourself, but I don’t think it comes from a higher being.

 

Research/Google the following topics

Quantum observer effect

Quantum physics free will

Classical physics makes free will impossible

An atom's radioactive decay is a choice.

panpsychism hard problem of consciousness

consciousness is fundamental to reality.

(Hameroff and Penrose) Quantum microtubules brain neurons

(Cambell) My Big TOE

(Lanza) Biocentrism

(Hoffman) Evolution hid the truth from us

NDE's of blind or deaf people

NDE's reporting hyper senses when brain activity is gone

(Tucker and Stevenson) a large body of alleged Children's past lives that have been verified

Terminal Lucidity

(McKenna) DMT filter, DMT entities, alternative reality

a single cell is more complex they anything humans have ever created

DNA is like an advance computer code

abiogensis by chance alone is impossible/ primordial life panspermia hypothesis

Quantum mutations Evolution
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You can either dig deep down the rabbit hole or you can just believe the materalist agenda that shows up on the top search results. I'm not saying the materalist are wrong. I'm just saying do your homework on these topics and don't assume the girl from the science youtube channel "debunking quantum woo" is right.

 

Tinnitus and hyperacusis truly are a wild ride. I feel like I've been making slow and gradual progress in my recovery from my hyperacusis setback; if I look back at the past 2 weeks it's definitely been more of an upwards trajectory. But I am finding it tough to deal with the day-to-day fluctuations in my hyperacusis. Maybe I just need to be more patient but I find myself constantly monitoring my symptoms and fearing things will get worse. I'm finding it increasingly hard to engage in the wider world - I'm currently an unemployed graduate living at home and have a job interview on Wednesday. I need to find a way to get on with things but at the moment I feel I am constantly on alert, living in a hypervigilant state.