After Getting Tinnitus, My Outlook on Life Has Changed — Does Anyone Else Feel Like "Withdrawing"?

Ever since I got tinnitus, my outlook on life has changed where I started to become less bothered about what I want for my future like I used to. I am currently studying in university, but there's some days I seriously think about withdrawing from everything that's deemed important and accept my life in isolation. Think of things like career, relationships, goals, etc. just not being on my mind anymore, which is a thing a lot of people think about.

When I say withdraw, I mean this (I'm not suggesting suicide).

At the same time, the isolation is not helping either. I still feel empty either way when I am with some friends which used to not be the case.

I don't know, it feels alienating and I have no one to talk to about these things as many just prefer not to hear non-uplifting things.

Can anyone relate? Or have you actually "withdrawn"?

 

I have a family, 4 little kids, and for the past 4 months I’ve been withdrawing from life. I went to the cinema with them today, I couldn’t stand the noise, even with earplugs. After the cinema I’m alone in my room and took a Xanax because the tinnitus is so loud. It’s not just withdrawing, it’s so much more.

 

I'm pretty sure there are plenty of people here on Tinnitus Talk who feel exactly the same. When I developed a sensitivity to sound, withdrawing really was the only viable option. Things got better after 3/4 of a year but are far from perfect. I loved to go out and be around people but it's just not possible anymore and being down to a couple of one-on-one meetings spread out over months and in my own home just isn't the same.

But since I know that there are people here whose condition has made it impossible for them to even do that, I'm grateful for what I have.

Tinnitus is a vicious ailment because nobody else can't hear it but you and because you're not screaming in pain even doctors have a hard time understanding what it means to live without silence, or with a sensitivity to sound, or distortions, or being in constant pain, ... I agree that it makes you very lonely because, depending on how your tinnitus presents itself, it forces you isolate yourself from things and people alike.

I guess there isn't much you can do about that since the Internet / virtual friends can only fill a person's need for human contact and interaction to a point. I try to make the most of the couple of times I get to see what's left of my real life friends, but when I'm honest with myself, those meetings actually make me feel even more lonely because they show me what I'm missing out on. Catch22 I guess

 

With tinnitus and severe hyperacusis on top, I've had no choice but to withdraw from life in general including working, seeking out relationships, socialising, most hobbies etc.

The hyperacusis improved after 4-5 years (but I still have to be careful around noise, for it not to "show teeth" again) but in the last couple of years I've been hit by got other health issues, so I am still as withdrawn as before.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this. I don't have the same situation with the family and children, but I can relate to not being able to enjoy things as much as before. I can't go to the cinema as it would be more uncomfortable than enjoyable even though it was something I did regularly.

I don't know every detail in your life, but at least you have family to fall back on if things ever feel too much.

A thing that helped me handle life after getting this condition is focusing on getting through today first and don't focus too much on yesterday or tomorrow. Just getting through today first is the main thing to think about.

Relating to your first paragraph; I do have thoughts of just doing that, however I also get upset at the idea of me feeling worse when I am of old age living alone with no one to fall back on and thinking about my regrets in life. It's the only reason why I'm still going to continue finishing university although I am going to prepare for disappointment.

I hope things get better for you. Just focus on getting through today first.

I thought this video might be worth sharing for everyone here. It's not easy living with tinnitus, but there is small ways to reduce suffering, even though ideally a cure would be nice (which could come in our lifetime).

What Chronic Pain Has Taught Me About...

 

I don’t think it’s a long-term solution to withdraw from society. Maybe if you are financially independent but for most people, you got to make a living.

If you don't have debilitating tinnitus and/or hyperacusis and can manage to study, it would probably be the best choice long term. People live with other chronic illnesses and have to push through the pain and anxiety. It's the same for us, even if we would prefer to live without suffering.

It's totally fine to be sad, angry, and disappointed. No one wants to live with this terrible affliction. I took some time and mourned the person I was and the life I could have had. I told my parents that the person I was died the day I got tinnitus. I’m another person now and my life is not what it was before. But I’m still alive and I don't intend to end my life. This is a burden I have to carry and I now feel grateful that I was hit by this before I got the chance to have a family. I won't pass my bad genes on to an innocent child.

Maybe your tinnitus will improve, stay the same or get worse. No one knows what the future holds for us. Live day by day. Accommodate your life to your tinnitus but continue on with your life. Of course a compromised one but still a life.

 

Probably tinnitus will be solved by Darwinism before a working treatment is found.

 

This one hit right at home for me. I had big plans to start getting into real estate development, as I worked for years in construction before and during my university studies. After getting tinnitus all those hopes and dreams died as I could now never allow myself to be surrounded by a noisy construction environment. Even the simple things like enjoying a good glass of whiskey and cigar on a calm cool afternoon are no longer enjoyable.

But hey I guess all we can do is keep living and see the beauty in it all and of course keep hoping for some cure / treatment.

 

I have had tinnitus for about 7 years, quite badly, actually. I felt sorry for myself for about six months, then stopped the self-pity and remembered I had had worse things happen to me before, and seen many other people suffer far worse things, which allowed me to put it in perspective.

 

I work as a project manager for a real estate company. I mostly work in the office, and have meetings with clients or contractors. I’m visiting my project sites but wear hearing protection when doing so. Also, people normally stop doing noisy work when they have a visitor.

That might be a way to work with real estate development. I’m living in Sweden and of course, I don't know how the work field is in other countries.

Experiences are not the same, I agree with that. It sucks but it's the reality. I keep on working, live a mediocre life and hope for better days.

 

My ears still hurt from yesterday. I won’t leave the bedroom today and my family won’t understand. The cinema was testing grounds. I slept 10 hours with the Xanax and don’t feel better. I feel like life isn’t possible like this.

 

It seems likely. Most of us who are suffering from a young age will probably not have a child. If you are struggling to work and are living day-to-day, then having a child seems unrealistic.

 

What helped me was just finding any form of distraction and putting on white noise to cover the tinnitus. That might help you if you are feeling things are too much in your bedroom, just to calm down and build up some strength for later.

Building some acceptance of this condition but also distracting yourself away from it will help you "wither away" from the intense melancholy state. This was the case for me, albeit very slowly and I'm not exactly 100%, but it's better than before.

You might be already doing this, but all I can say is hold on tight and just focus on only today for now and doing whatever you can to make this day as comfortable as possible, as tomorrow comes later. I hope you feel better soon my friend.

 

I can definitely relate. I alternate between days when I feel angry and resentful that my life has been taken from me, and other days when I feel like nothing matters and I may as well as withdraw from life and not care about what happens next.

The self-imposed isolation has been weird. I have been very conscientious about staying home for the past three years to avoid catching COVID-19, and just when I thought the pandemic was at a stage where it was safer for me to be out and about, I got noxacusis and tinnitus and had to continue staying home.

Brain fog keeps me from being productive, so I have not accomplished anything during this time. The only reason I haven't killed myself yet is the small hope that I will get better. I want to think that all of this withdrawal is necessary for healing and that if we are patient with the process like a baby butterfly or moth developing in a chrysalis or cocoon, we will emerge as something radically different than what we were before.

 

I tend to lie down on my bed playing white noise when I feel like I'm overthinking about life. Sometimes I'll read when I calm down just to help distract and wither away the hopeless feelings.

That's how I try to manage although there are certain things that needs to be done to make sure you don't fall down in a black hole. Life is not easy but it can be "easier". Do anything to make life easier, whether small or big; even something as simple as a 5 minute walk around your garden and you can use white noise during it if you have to.

There is a lot of upcoming treatments in trials for tinnitus coming out one day, so one day you may look at this moment of your life like it was just a bad dream. The tinnitus could be stopped one day or the discomfort would at least be lessened.

After that, you will go to sleep smiling knowing everything turned out fine at the end. May your dreams bring you peace one day.

Feel better soon and I hope this year puts you in a right direction in your life.

 

Thank you @Rockstar. I can't tolerate white noise at all, so I have been using this brown noise video that someone here recommended (whoever that was, thank you!)

As long as I keep the volume low, it isn't irritating:

Sleep Machine | Soothing Brown Noise Helps You Fall Asleep! | White Noise Stress Relief 10 Hours - YouTube

I am all in favor of doing things that "make life easier," as you suggest. I am also trying to find trivial things to look forward to every day, just because it's hard to imagine getting through an entire week, month, or year. For instance, today's little thing to look forward to is trying a new recipe I found on the Internet. Tomorrow's little thing to look forward to could be watching a movie on my computer (on mute and with subtitles) while I exercise.

It's true, if we wait long enough, we might benefit from new medical devices or medications that will help us. Actress Khrystyne Haje once said in an interview that when she had breast cancer, she was able to stay positive by telling herself that new research findings are being made all the time, so all she has to do is wait for the next big breakthrough to come along, and then the next and the next.

 

I thought I should bring this up but I have been using this app recently called Slowly on the Play Store.

It's like a digital form of pen pals where you send slow mails and you don't use real profile pictures of yourself. You can even practice learning another language with it if you want to.

It's been helping me feel better and less alienated. I thought I should share this as you may want something to brighten things up as it has made a difference for me.

 

Yes, tinnitus did that to me in the early days. I planned an early retirement due to it and other health ailments like ME/CFS, because I couldn't see myself working like that for too long.

Luckily I reached habituation from the tinnitus and remission from the CFS, but the thought has kind of stayed with me. So I'm still actively working on the early retirement plan.

 

I'm curious, but how do you plan on going with the early retirement?

 

Early retirement or ill-health retirement?

 

Yeah I was wondering because I'm basically on disability pension due to my health.

 

I managed to save enough money to buy three apartments, two of which are rented and provide me with passive income, and the third one is where I live.

It's not perfect and I won't be able to live a luxury life but I never really cared about such things anyways, and my "ant mentality" (which in my country means to plan ahead and be very frugal) is what made me save that amount of money in the first place.

 

Not sure if this relates, but I used to watch so many videos of people living off grid. Some lived in caravans strapped with solar panels and rainwater collection, or most of the time they lived on a homestead.

A lot of them lived frugally and were self-sufficient. They didn't have to pay for electricity or water bills. Even a homestead in a desert was able to get enough water from rain for drinking and cleaning.

Anyways, hope everything works out at the end. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.

 

I miss going to the movies. I haven't been to one since 2009. It's unlikely I'll ever see the inside of a theatre again.

 

I don't miss going to the movies. Theaters have turned up the volume to needlessly high levels and I'd rather watch at home where I control the volume.

 

I only miss silence! I may watch movies at home and control the volume! Why a theater has to crank up the volume for special effects is beyond me.

 

I recall a discussion on a thread 2-3 years ago where two different members mentioned the same scene in the same movie that gave them tinnitus. Movies are risky because of how loud they can be, especially for those with compromised ears.

 

So true. My wife went to the movies with friends to see Midway and she wore earplugs for the duration. She brought enough extra earplugs that she offered to everyone, but was the only one who wore them.

 

I have been through dark days, but today I am enjoying an absolutely normal life.

You must consider all treatment options, if your life is severely affected.

Discuss with your doctor medications such as Xanax, Mydocalm, Stugeron and others that can help in lowering the tinnitus volume. They take a few weeks to kick in but most people benefit from them if taken in small dosages and always under the guidance of a doctor.

 

I feel exactly like @Rockstar sometimes. That feeling of just wanting to disappear gets much worse when I get on the internet and look at the news. Let's not discount the fact that COVID-19 totally disrupted everyone's lives. That was a seriously bad time, and withdrawing from the world was a survival tactic, too much socializing could get you killed. That was a first in my life.

I don't know how others feel about this, but it seems I'm in denial about how harrowing that time was. We are trying to live our lives as they were before, but myself, I'm different now, and the whole wold is different. The tinnitus may have been on our minds more because we didn't have full lives, maybe we turned inward too much during all the lock downs?

Anyway, I feel my particular wish to disappear is related not only to my tinnitus but also due to existential anxiety. Things seem to be going down the tubes in so many areas. Threats of a wider war while an actual war is happening, housing and utility prices constantly rising, unhoused people living on the streets everywhere, a polarized society here in the US where there seems to be no center anymore, just wide swings to the edges no matter what party one belongs to. It's not a happy time in general.