Suicidal

Discussion in 'Support' started by jeremy06, Oct 14, 2018.

    1. dan
      Chatty

      dan Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Toronto, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise
      There is usually a reason.
      A fire truck siren back in May...delayed response etc. Dont think that if u didnt get a spike immediately after exposure, that u are home safe.

      Also I have a question for you.
      Do you ever fear of a fire alarm in your building going off?
      I mean for us with severe T, even hearing protection may not be sufficient, and there is still that 2 second response time.
       
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    2. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      Yes. Every. F***ing. Day.

      But, what can I do? It's already gone off once since I got tinnitus. I put on my muffs but yeah, I probably was exposed for 1 - 2 seconds at least.
       
    3. Contrast
      No Mood

      Contrast Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Clown World
      Tinnitus Since:
      late 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      noise injury
      Bill Bauer is right about free markets leading to success. Government regulation does hold back the progress of biological sciences. I wonder what would happen if computer chips were as heavily Government regulated?

      We wouldn't have computers.
       
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    4. Born To Slay
      Depressed

      Born To Slay Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud concert
      A lot of people say Kratom works as well as opioids.
       
    5. Juan

      Juan Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Several causes
      Delayed response is usually worse than having pain right after sound exposure.
       
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    6. valeri

      valeri Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Australia
      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2011
      My experience with Mirtazapine is good. As @serendipity1996 said it helped with sleep and depression/anxiety.

      If it weren't for this new high pitch which took me back to square one, I would be in much better place with my old tinnitus than before Mirtazapine...
       
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    7. Kriszti

      Kriszti Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2016/2017/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      Valeri, the new high pitch is from the bottle dropping on the floor a few months back?
       
    8. Johan001

      Johan001 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      05/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Medication
      HI all, been on mirtazapine for 4 days and it helps to sleep normally. No drowsiness in the morning. Suicidal thoughts did subside a little. I do however want to taper off as soon as I've habituated.
       
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    9. valeri

      valeri Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Australia
      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2011
      I think it is! It started very faintly back in November when it happened and it just progressively got worse.
      Now it’s a clearly audible high pitch.
      It just proves that these “small” noise incidents are not always innocent.
      But who can possibly avoid them...
       
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    10. valeri

      valeri Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Australia
      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2011
      Don’t put that pressure on yourself, be grateful it helps.
      Time will tell you what to do.
       
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    11. LongWait

      LongWait Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud Concert
      Constantly thinking about ending it this past week, to escape the mental torture.

      It's 3rd year and I feel enough is enough, dealing with this shit is beyond my capability.

      The only thing that worries me is failing to commit suicide. I guess you have heard it all before but I'm jealous of the ones who escaped this.

      I'm desperate for peace.

      None of the future research look promising, I don't even believe Shore's device is going to do it and I was a believer, it's such a fckg miserable existence,my head is drowned in noise, I'm sick of wearing fckg hearing aids just to aid the insult of living.

      Bedtime is becoming unbearable, the noise is so loud, I relish an escape from this. I've had enough.
       
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    12. pleasejuststop
      Suicidal

      pleasejuststop Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise
      I feel the same, constantly thinking about ending it too, and on my third year with this. I can't deal with this much longer than I already have. My only fear is failing. I'm so desperate for peace.
       
    13. pleasejuststop
      Suicidal

      pleasejuststop Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise
      I feel the same, I'm really sorry you're going through this pain. Please don't blame yourself, I've done that too but it isn't your fault. You didn't ask for this.
      I would try to wait a bit longer before doing something permanent and see if there is any improvement. I feel like I will have to pull the plug soon too, I feel like I have no other option. I feel sorry for my loved ones too. I feel so bad for my parents. But I can't take this much longer.
       
    14. Drewski
      Approved

      Drewski Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      27/6/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      @acute

      I hear you! I’m just coming to terms with what this means..
      I don’t want to just exist but that’s the fkn extent of it I fear..
      I honestly can’t see me being on this earth in the next 6mths..
      I want a firearm but they are so hard to get where I live..
       
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    15. Drewski
      Approved

      Drewski Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      27/6/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      @LongWait
      3yrs...? I’m 3rd week and the same. There’s no cure, no chance of recovery! This has stripped everything from me - I’m 45, broke, live with my parents and unable to function.. Grappling with this hand I’ve been dealt but can’t see me being here in 6mths..
      How remains the ultimate question..
       
    16. Kriszti

      Kriszti Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2016/2017/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      You are at 3 weeks, it's premature ending it all after 3 weeks. There is no doubt that tinnitus is horrible. People without it can't even fathom how fckng awful it truly is. Something this terrible, debilitating shouldn't exist at all. I can absolutely relate that you can't see living with it, because it sucks the will to live out of you.

      I don't want to give you false hope, BUT!

      You are in the acute stage, the 24/7 flight or fight phase, there is a chance that you won't end up with the same sounds that you are hearing right now. There is also a chance (slim, but there is), that it can go away. Many people see improvement months/years after onset. Wait a little longer.

      I don't want to sound preachy, I don't have any right for it, because I'm not doing so well myself either, but it did improve compared to how it started.

      Try to hold on! :huganimation:
       
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    17. Johan001

      Johan001 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      05/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Medication
      Hi all,

      Just an update from me. I've gone on 15 mg mirtazapine for sleep and councelling. It's been a horrible month but I managed to get myself from 0% to 30% of my old self. Living day by day really, but fighting.

      I do not have such strong suicidal ideations as when I was writing the above post. I definitely still think about it, but then realise that's not the solution. I'm blessed to be surrounded by understanding people, so it makes it a bit easier to deal with.

      I read a lot of inspirational stories such as Christoper Reeve's one. I can only imagine what he went through accepting his condition. He is a true hero and inspiration. So I always think, I can do that with tinnitus. I rediscovered faith and saw progress with it too.

      I'm still struggling a lot, but I believe in our brains' capacity to adapt. I read Dr Nagler's story and tips and they are inspirational as well.

      I think, one can always pull the plug, but what if there is hope?

      I also saw interviews with celebrities who had it, such as Shatner or Letterman. I'm sure they struggled in the beginning too.

      I read success stories in this forum and it gives hope too. I'm certain we can adapt to this, how hard it may not be. I'm very skeptical about the cure (especially now as everyone is obsessed with coronavirus), so we are just left to deal with this the best we can. Relying on our inner strength and agility of our mind.
       
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    18. Chinmoku

      Chinmoku Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown, possibly medication
      Approaching 2 years and I feel the same. At this level of 24/7 intrusive torture there is no habituating to it. And it keeps getting worse.
      I'm hanging on and agonizing through each day for my kids. I'm still desperately searching for relief and trying to revert this trend but nothing seems to work and honestly I don't know how much longer I can take it. So I'm with you.
      Having said that, @LongWait , there are people who habituated after 3-4 years
      Living With Tinnitus For 20 Years - How Im Ok...

      and @Drewski , you are very early, statistics is on your side and it could fade in time.
       
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    19. Drewski
      Approved

      Drewski Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      27/6/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      @Chinmoku
      I already suffer chronic almost unmanageable pain from a back condition so this is now piled on top of that.. The future looked grim before this..as I’m basically bed ridden!
       
      • Hug Hug x 7
    20. serendipity1996

      serendipity1996 Member Podcast Patron

      Tinnitus Since:
      2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown but suspect noise-induced
      @Contrast I saw that you also experienced facial numbness from sound. How long did this last and did it eventually go away? I haven't had any ear pain or burning since late March/ early April and don't really have loudness hyperacusis but I still have lingering facial tightness. It's fairly mild at this point and on many days I can almost 'ignore' it but amps up from lack of sleep and stimulants. Just worried it's never going to go away.
       
    21. JohnDoe8776059

      JohnDoe8776059 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      As long as I can remember
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Headphones or genetic
      Suicide is an inevitable consequence in this modern world. We need to treat it similarly as an environmental killer rather than saying it is a personal choice. The truth is that humans are impulsive animals who cannot completely control their emotions and choices.

      You look both ways on the road to avoid being hit. You avoid cliffs from falling off. You avoid dark alleys to not get stabbed or robbed. You live a happy lifestyle to avoid dying from suicide.

      Some say that suicide is a cowardly way out, but I believe that every person has their limits. Some just so happen to be born more resilient than others. And just like a muscle, resilience can be trained to become stronger but it cannot lift everything.

      Nobody truly wants to cope and struggle. Everybody wants a solution instead. I think only reason we endure suffering is because there is hope and purpose that is stronger than our suffering.
       
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    22. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      Some people go through stress and other anxiety-causing experiences but tinnitus is unique in that it's not normal to have loud ringing in your head or ears 24/7 and there is no treatment for it. I am talking about severe tinnitus too, obviously.

      I think suicide or wanting suicide is a rational response or desire when you have persistent loud ringing, multiple high pitched tones 24/7. That shouldn't be happening and is a f***ed up state for the brain and/or ears. Then there's hyperacusis and ear pain on top of that for many people.

      I think there's other serious conditions that aren't as bad relatively speaking and most of those have some sort of treatment. I would do anything to stop this ringing. I don't even read the treatment section anymore because it seems hopeless and a waste of time.

      If there is no hope for improvement or a so-called "cure", this torture is not worth enduring.
       
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    23. DaveFromChicago

      DaveFromChicago Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Headcold/Flu
      Frequently I completely understand PeteJ's comment about no longer even bothering to read the treatment section.

      Check out this article posted on line in June 2020: "I Was Suicidal: Huey Lewis Opens Up About His Hearing Loss Nightmare."

      The reporter said that "Lewis has consulted several ear specialists including experts from the House Ear Institute, and the Mayo Clinic. "I've talked to Dr. Steven Rauch, the big daddy of them all, at Mass General Eye and Ear. Tried chiropractic, acupuncture, low-salt, all organic, no chocolate, no caffeine, essential oils, all the holistic stuff. None of it works."

      If someone with his notoriety and influence cannot find an effectual treatment, then we are compelled to conclude that none yet exists.
       
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    24. FGG
      No Mood

      FGG Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Hall of Fame Advocate

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Multi-factorial
      Huey Lewis has Meniere's which is a very specific etiology. If you also have Meniere's, Otonomy has a Meniere's drug in phase 3 with very promising results which is looking to be released next year.

      Huey's is too early to be "end-stage" Meniere's, so it might really help him.

      This is from the phase 1 results from OTO-104 (they are on phase 3 now):

      "Otonomy Inc has announced positive new results from a Phase 1b study of OTO-104 intratympanic (IT) injection in patients with Ménière’s disease. The data showed that patients treated with OTO-104 experienced clinically meaningful reductions in vertigo frequency and improvements in tinnitus as compared to placebo."

      One of the co-founders of Otonomy has Meniere's himself, in fact.
       
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    25. Johan001

      Johan001 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      05/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Medication
      Hi all,

      Now I have to write in this section again.

      My 6 weeks journey has been with severe ups and downs so far. Mainly downs. Deep downs.

      As my multitonal tinnitus is raging in my right ear, I am feeling extremely restless all the time. It's a constant state of panic, I'm afraid of everything, afraid of going to sleep, afraid of staying indoors. I have an extreme anxiety and trying Mirtazapine 30 mg. But each day is a torture for me. I have decided that I cannot live like this, every day is full of severe unbearable pain.

      Not only I cannot imagine living like this, I cannot live like this now at all.

      I attempted suicide yesterday. I do not want to die, but the suffering is too much for me to handle. I'm mentally broken and severely traumatised. I want to get out of this, so it looks like the suicide is the only way. I am coming to terms accepting the pain I will endure when doing it and pain it will cause others, but I just can't bear it. I know many of you guys get used to it and carry on, but I'm the worst person to accept this.
       
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    26. Christiaan
      Vegged out

      Christiaan Member Podcast Patron Benefactor

      Location:
      The Hague, the Netherlands
      Tinnitus Since:
      2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Bloody headphones in 2016,worsened in 2020
      Ey @Johan001, I am sad to hear your story. It's very difficult to get through this. Maybe there's something in store for you to help alleviate your symptoms. Do you happen to live in the Netherlands/Belgium? Chances are Astellas will start their trial with FX-322 in Western Europe end of year or next year, which could help alleviate tinnitus. There's also a trial at the academic hospital on Antwerp with tDCS, and lots of people had mentioned a lowering in their symptoms. I hope you consider other options and that you can get through it all.
       
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    27. Daniel Lion
      Ape-like

      Daniel Lion Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      SE Asia
      Tinnitus Since:
      2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise trauma, hearing loss
      Hi Chinmoku,

      I would be grateful to my core and then more if my brain could make the neuro plastic changes that this man did.
       
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    28. ASilverLight
      In pain

      ASilverLight Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      That's the question.
      I had a phone call appointment with an ENT today and mentioned I've been suicidal because of the severity of my tinnitus and all I was told was to find distractions so it becomes less, which is what I've been doing for MONTHS without any positive result.

      I haven't been taken seriously whatsoever despite my many other symptoms and I'm not improving, I don't see myself improving, I'm so fucking tired because my life has been so full of pain and this is just the latest edition and I don't want to go on like this. I'm only in my mid 20s and it's already so bad.

      I'm so tired and no one seems to realise how badly I am doing at all. When even mentioning you're suicidal doesn't make you heard, what gives?

      I'm tired. I just want out.
       
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    29. Johan001

      Johan001 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      05/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Medication
      Hi @Christiaan, Thank you. I am from Holland indeed, currently in the UK because of the lockdown. Thank you for the update. I really hope there is a hope in these treatments, but I'm so skeptical about it. Feel like I have to live with these noticed my whole life. Everything is just falling apart, my whole life. I am so panicked, like there's no point suffering like this, it's too much for me.
       
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    30. FGG
      No Mood

      FGG Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Hall of Fame Advocate

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Multi-factorial
      Hell, if it's life or death and you need a US address to be part of a clinical trial sooner than that, message me, @Johan001.
       
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