Suicidal

Discussion in 'Support' started by jeremy06, Oct 14, 2018.

    1. dan
      Chatty

      dan Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Toronto, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise
      It's not about the tone, it's all about the loudness... you could get a loud ass low tone, which makes you feel like your head is exploding every living second...
       
      • Agree Agree x 2
    2. dan
      Chatty

      dan Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Toronto, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise
      How do you sleep at night? Can you be in quiet?
       
    3. GBB

      GBB Member

      Location:
      NYC
      Tinnitus Since:
      2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Microsuction / Additional Acoustic Trauma in Close Proximity
      I'm honestly pretty scared because if it doesn't get better for me, I know I won't be able to stay alive.

      My parents have basically asked me not to do anything rash, as I've told them I can't live like this - I know they love me, but in some ways it feels selfish, like keeping me around will keep them happy when I have to suffer so much every single day.

      I know ending my life would be a selfish decision, but if I had a crystal ball and knew my situation wouldn't improve at all moving forward, I would 100% take action.

      I know there are promising therapies and I'm "only" two months in, and it has improved for so many beyond this point in time, but every day I reach a point where I just want to be asleep to get a break, and that leads me to just wanting to cease existing. It isn't a mindset thing - I feel like I'm being held underwater and all I want to do is breathe - this thing is killing me.
       
      • Hug Hug x 5
    4. GBB

      GBB Member

      Location:
      NYC
      Tinnitus Since:
      2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Microsuction / Additional Acoustic Trauma in Close Proximity
      Mine is loud - I hear it over everything. It is reactive and unmaskable. Yesterday I had a nervous breakdown because the wind in the trees sounded like a continuous squeak. This is not sustainable...

      I'm at the point where nothing makes me happy - there are no good moments. I feel inanimate and inert. Death feels like a natural progression honestly.

      I don't know how people get used to this - where is the inflection point? I can barely eat and the only way I can sleep is with drugs.
       
      • Hug Hug x 3
    5. dan
      Chatty

      dan Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Toronto, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise
      2 months is still waaaaay early in the game bro, it's not even considered chronic until 12 months.

      Still, you should feel much better in 2-3 years providing nothing changes for the worse.

      Folks do say that a cure for tinnitus comes within 10 years.
       
      • Agree Agree x 2
    6. Pitseleh

      Pitseleh Member

      Location:
      France
      Tinnitus Since:
      2007
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      Trust me, you don't want that.

      I have two high pitched, screeching sounds that cannot be masked and I can guarantee the low 250 Hz is the worst to me.

      Many Tinnitus Talk members who also have low and permanent tones can confirm.
       
    7. dan
      Chatty

      dan Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Toronto, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise
      It should mellow out over the years, it happened to a lot of us here. So what happens is you harden to your original tinnitus and then when it softens you feel like oh this is a cake walk... It's slight improvement + habituation... that's the idea...

      However the thing is a lot of times it gets worse yet again because of advancing hearing loss/noise exposures (i.e. kid screamed in my ear, etc.)
       
      • Like Like x 1
      • Agree Agree x 1
    8. Pitseleh

      Pitseleh Member

      Location:
      France
      Tinnitus Since:
      2007
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      I take benzos and still wake up multiple times to the sound.

      Couldn't make it through the day without them though.
      Tough times.

      But I found a video on YouTube, unrelated to tinnitus, that I'll post soon.
      Shows how much people can basically overcome anything, even when it seems impossible.
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    9. dan
      Chatty

      dan Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Toronto, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise
      I felt this way from 2011 (onset, psych ward) to 2015.

      2015-2019 some minor improvements in tone quality, was living a half-assed life but enjoying it.

      2020 Game Over (tinnitus worsened with additional loud tones added).
       
      • Hug Hug x 3
    10. dan
      Chatty

      dan Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Toronto, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise
      That's basically what we have to overcome - the impossible.
       
      • Agree Agree x 2
    11. Pitseleh

      Pitseleh Member

      Location:
      France
      Tinnitus Since:
      2007
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      I firmly believe now is the time for us severely affected by tinnitus to do anything we can to find relief, no matter how many pills we must take, tears we must cry, because scientific help is definitely on the way, from multiple sources, now more than ever.

      We will deal with the other consequences later, that's my point of view.

      Let's fight, survive, do anything to feel slightly better, until real help is coming (and it is).

      It's not time for us to end now.
       
      • Agree Agree x 3
      • Like Like x 2
      • Hug Hug x 1
    12. dan
      Chatty

      dan Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Toronto, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise
      I want to die in relative silence (I'm 40).
       
      • Hug Hug x 5
    13. GaryTH
      Panicky

      GaryTH Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      noise exposure, stress, NSAIDS, eabuds, shingles vaccine
      Sounds like a scene from "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest." You should write a book or a screenplay.
       
      • Agree Agree x 2
    14. Kriszti

      Kriszti Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2016/2017/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      I'm very negative right now, probably because I haven't slept more than 2 hours again. It's been a year and sleep issues are still killing me.

      Rationally I try to cling on hope that science will save us, but I'm afraid that by the time breakthrough comes in 5-10 years, my life will have been ruined by tinnitus beyond help. There are time sensitive issues which can be done and achieved in your thirties but can't in the forties and later on.

      I know I'm weak so if you are stronger mentally, don't mind me, but tinnitus really does feel like a Sisyphean task. No matter what I do, I have improvements, I feel a bit better but then some new shit comes around and I'm back at square 1.
       
      • Hug Hug x 6
    15. GaryTH
      Panicky

      GaryTH Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      noise exposure, stress, NSAIDS, eabuds, shingles vaccine
      I've tried CBD oil, tincture and various cannabis edibles. They've all raised my tinnitus and made something in the back of my brain feel like it's sizzling. I'm always looking for the benzo alternatives to sleep, but nothing else seems to work.
       
    16. Pitseleh

      Pitseleh Member

      Location:
      France
      Tinnitus Since:
      2007
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      You're not weak. Us plagued by this horrific condition are amongst the strongest people on earth.

      Remind yourself everyday that if there's someone on earth who should be called a warrior, it's you.

      When breakthrough comes, when you get better (and you will) you'll look back, see the suffering you've been through, and thank yourself for having stuck around.
       
      • Agree Agree x 2
      • Like Like x 1
      • Friendly Friendly x 1
    17. Selah1281

      Selah1281 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Bustown, OH10
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      It was a truly horrible experience and I didn’t go into complete detail really. I often wonder if being pumped full of all those drugs caused my symptoms to worsen more than temporarily and if I wouldn’t have taken them if I’d be in a better situation now as some things have improved quite a bit since then (some have worsened and new ones have developed also).

      I also regret making this post and discouraging @Allan1967 from possibly going to a psychiatric facility. He ended up committing suicide. Who knows if maybe he would have been helped. It was a fresh trauma for me and the post was cautionary, but also coming from a place of wanting to express that trauma. It was selfish. Since his passing I’ve thought about this many times...

      @Allan1967 I’m truly sorry.
       
      • Hug Hug x 6
    18. GaryTH
      Panicky

      GaryTH Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      noise exposure, stress, NSAIDS, eabuds, shingles vaccine
      Could your cognitive and memory impairment have anything to do with the side effects of any medication you may be taking?
       
    19. Backpacker

      Backpacker Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      SSHL
      No it wasn't. If you had kept your mouth shut and after you read someone was treated like you, than you would understand. Anyway, it's not like you were the only one, and it's not like psychiatrists don't work outside of the psych ward.
       
      • Agree Agree x 2
      • Friendly Friendly x 1
    20. DaveFromChicago

      DaveFromChicago Member Podcast Patron Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Headcold/Flu
      To GaryTH:

      No, I was not on any medication. The emotional onslaught of tinnitus was entirely responsible.
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    21. jay777

      jay777 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      benzo/ headphones
      Cure in 2020.
       
    22. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      Who? That sounds like BS.

      No specifics. No context. AGAIN!
       
    23. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      Yeah. Same time everyone stops talking about COVID-19 as it disappears.
       
    24. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      If anyone is helped, how loud was their tinnitus? How many tones?

      Why is mine so high pitched and loud?

      Why are the high number of tones "going so crazy" right now?

      I would rather have a euthanasia or assisted dying option than wait many years for this unrealistic "cure."
       
    25. GBB

      GBB Member

      Location:
      NYC
      Tinnitus Since:
      2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Microsuction / Additional Acoustic Trauma in Close Proximity
      Just off the top of my head one of the more recent success stories where the guy was shooting guns, got hearing loss and tinnitus, and his ear rebounded a year later and his tinnitus went down to 1-2/10. Link is below. I've read way too many posts here and I'm certain the same relationship has been reported numerous times. If you want more stories I can find them.

      https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...-by-223-sniper-rifle-fired-near-my-ear.41958/
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
      • Helpful Helpful x 1
    26. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      Sounds like a rare case of it improving and a young person. I don't know if I can accept their account.

      Do you think there's no difference of someone with tinnitus at a young age vs someone older?

      I think someone younger has a better chance at improvement. Or it seems like it.

      Yeah, feel free to post more links to stories.

      But, I am not searching for them.
       
    27. GBB

      GBB Member

      Location:
      NYC
      Tinnitus Since:
      2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Microsuction / Additional Acoustic Trauma in Close Proximity
      Sure, and sorry I am not trying to argue with you - I wish neither of us was in this situation.

      In the below story the gentleman is older, and notes improvement in a hearing notch on his audiogram and distortion in music which went away over 2 years - his tinnitus completely resolves as his hearing improves.

      I am not saying this is the majority of cases or even common, but credible accounts like this do exist. I believe the more important point is that in line with the precedent of cochlear implants, where hearing is restored, there is reason to believe that if we can restore hearing we can reduce/eliminate tinnitus.

      https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/back-to-normal.31789/
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    28. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      @GBB, I prefer stories based on research treatments and science. Some documented sources besides the anecdotes would be nice.

      Anyone can post some "good fortune" story on the internet.
       
    29. Pitseleh

      Pitseleh Member

      Location:
      France
      Tinnitus Since:
      2007
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      What if it was your turn next to have good fortune? Have you ever considered that as an option?

      I've been suffering from severe tinnitus for 3 years and moderate tinnitus for 15 years, I'm pretty sure the upcoming years are the right years for us. It's not just an impression, it is that so many projects are on the way and are showing actual improvements.

      Keep fighting man.
       
      • Hug Hug x 3
    30. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      Not really. I don't see a reason to be optimistic.

      I admire yours though.
       

Share This Page

Loading...