Suicidal

Not everybody is mad. I'm not. Benzo's to the rescue when teetering on the brink.

To me, mental illness, is woven into the fabric of being able to live with tinnitus versus not...loud or otherwise. Now you can ask, which came first, the chicken or the egg....was mental illness the precursor to tinnitus? I would say for a very high number, the answer is yes. Those that suffer the most had/have the highest level of mental illness before tinnitus and suffer the most with it upon contracting it. That is why your advice of taking a benzo to come down off the ledge is such good advice...with an eye toward not becoming addicted. But as linearb insightfully stated...to paraphrase, there is no cure for tinnitus. If you need the god damn med to keep you from offing yourself than take the god dam med as much as you need. It isn't rocket science and I studied rocket science in school.

The medical community will figure out how to turn down the volume of tinnitus and are making progress and we need to stay hopeful quality of life for all sufferers will improve in the near future and meanwhile we need to manage the best we can.

 

A shelter? I am going to ignore you and anyone who agrees with you. Bye.

 

I am not in the USA. I already responded to these suggestions.

How is yours '"loud?"

 

Ok. Question: how do I get a splint when I have seen 3 different dentists since last February but none have mentioned needing a splint or offering one?

 

Loud, can hear it over everything 24/7.

 

Hang in there, there's stages of relief, which will give you solace from the emotional impact of tinnitus.

It's possible that the Zopliclone is causing some of your problems? Something like that happened to me with Klonopin, when I first had intrusive tinnitus. It may be the Sertraline, that's a very powerful SSRI which was on for about 10 months, years ago. I suggest trying a non-drug method(s) of coping and dealing with the Tinnitus.

 

I’m so sorry to hear how severe your tinnitus is. How do you sleep?

 

Took ages bud, I wanted to write you about that. After about 9 or ten months, off of drugs and exercising and eating write, it just happened. I sleep in a room with 5 people. I am nestled between my kids. It took time but, I can now sleep, occasionally a nap if I am super lucky. I think once you slow taper off your meds, do long walks or exercise, have hot baths, and have one of your kids or wife massage your temples and head, you will sleep.

GoatSheep, you're gonna beat this beast, I am sure of it. When you're ready start getting rid of the drugs... slowly. I binge out every 6 weeks now for two days, out of habit more than necessity, but that’s it. I am basically totally clean. If you have access to a sauna or steam bath... that will knock you out. You're from WV, just get some family to help build you one. Instant sleep.

You can do it bro... I am sure...
Don’t give up.

 

My wife and I are divorcing lol. It’s been a long horrible process. No head rubs there. She has borderline personality disorder. Since I’ve had tinnitus she’s only tried to tear me down further. Sold $4,000 worth of my audio engineering equipment while I went to the psych hospital and then to my father’s house to recover. That’s just for starters.

Yeah I feel you on the benzos. I hate intoxicants really. I have an anxiety disorder and honestly pretty much any intoxicants exacerbates it. Xanax will help with an actual panic attack, but strangely clonazepam does nothing for my anxiety. But thankfully it really helps quiet the tinnitus most of the time and helps me sleep. Other than that it makes me foggy, lightheaded and unsteady.

Thanks for the kind words. I appreciate it.

 

@PeteJ My thoughts are based on your thoughts where a few times you have made comments like: "guesses include grinding and clenching in sleep plus certain loud sounds seem to result in left ear pain soon after." If this is happening, then a splint would probably help along with the other stuff that I had mentioned.

As to why dentists have not offered a splint may come down to your insurance and maybe they don't want to discount this therapy. Not all dentists offer splint therapy.

 

Sorry about the divorce... it's natural, at least for me... humans not are not intended to spend that much time together. Just my opinion, she also sound like a psycho. If you get cashed up, come visit me in Laos, you'll do just fine. I hope you can have lots of contact with the kids... that's so important. Drugs help at the beginning but then I find them to be counterproductive. I've been doing drugs my entire life and this is the first time I am actually drug free. It's boring sometimes, but I dig it. I used to smoke tobacco and weed all day and also stopped that. I pretty much just exercise and have herbal saunas... sex I won't go into right now, but believe it can be very helpful, but drugs will kill your libido.

Just go slow, divorce is a killer, and so is tinnitus.

Slow taper.

You're gonna be fine man, I know that in my heart, you're a fighter, and with all the new treatments we're gonna get help. Be strong, don't lose faith, lean on your family.
Pulling and praying for you brother.

 

If you don't mind me asking: Are you an American living in Laos? If so, how did you end up living there? What is your occupation?

 

Long story made short.

American, sculptor of Russian, Polish, German, Ashkenazi ancestors. Studied philosophy but found my true passion was art, and actually had the fortune of befriending a famous Russian artist by the name of Konstantin Simon. He did a famous monument in St. Petersburg... not important except that he died recently and it really broke my heart, as he was my best friend.
After teaching foundry and Stella fabrication in London for nearly a decade and living the bohemian life, I decided to go to Asia. I ended a long relationship, that should have ended a decade earlier, but such is life. The lady and I are still friends and so are are families. I went to Taiwan and taught English and had my mind blown living in a small provincial city. I then moved to Thailand where a friend from New England was involved in a bronze factory. I got a job in a local school and made some really nice bronzes based on black cabs from England with trees growing out of them. They also function as candelabras. I taught English here.

I had to renew my visa and everybody told me to go to Laos. They said it was old school and marijuana was easy to score. When I arrived there, there were no ATM, goats grazed the outside of the airport and it was just an amazing place. The women wore, and still do wear beautiful hand woven skirts, and Bhuddism is a really big deal hear. I don’t like organized religions, but Bhuddism is pretty mellow as far as religions go.

I spent years being decedent, debaucherous, and a hedonist... basically a lot of my life outside of making art. I was never a bad guy, but would shag like Zorba the Greek. I had excepted bachelorhood and then fell in love.

Yah... fell in love. We spawned, have been through our trials and tribulations and 14 or 15 years later we are still together... I love her and respect her, she made three adorable monsters for me.

Asia is not like the west, I am free to do what I want as long as I take care of the home, which I do.

I am pretty tame now and just want to create art again... I can see know other purpose worth pursuing except raising my kids.

I am pretty much stranded here for financial reasons, it would take a fortune to move back. But with global warming, I am thinking in 5 years more or less we will move to the northeast of the USA.
I had a bad accident here and an ear infection, and the doctors sucked. It felt like a nail or needle was driven into my brain. That was two years ago. My hearing audiogram is really bad, really bad, my tinnitus is relentless, but by the grace of god or the universe I am doing better. I have happy days despite the noise, I still have dreams and aspirations, and I am quick to cry which is just fine.

I got unlucky like everyone on this forum, but so did the kids who got their skinned burned off in Syria, or people who died in the goologs under Stalin.

I’ve gone from wanting to die to being happy to be able to carve out some meaning and joy in my life.

I missed a lot, my kids are watching a cartoon and being annoying, but there’s a sliver.
Happy you are hear Bill, I feel a kinship with you.

 

When do you sleep? What times? Sorry, I am skeptical.

 

It took probably a year to figure out how to sleep.

Don't be skeptical, I'd have no reason to lie.

If you're capable of exercise, exercise your ass off, I mean at least 1 hour and if you can push it more, push it more. This will wear you out. No naps. Eat only healthy food. No garbage. It will take time but your body will eventually learn to sleep... believe me.

Your doctors suck for not giving you Benzos, and I don’t know how to advocate in the Canadian system.
If I were you I'd exercise till I was exhausted, eat really nutritious and boring food, like vegetables, beans, garlic, ginger. Slowly your body and mind will change. Believe, you can do it. And if you succeed, which I believe you will, it will be a victory for all of us. Go walking when nobody is out, do push ups, get jacked... where your body out... push like you've never pushed before... if you haven't tried this... then listen to me and try. After a month say what you want, conclude whatever you want.

 

I got tinnitus 2 weeks ago and it has been hell so far...Got an ENT appointment tomorrow but reading some topics here I hold out little hope....I can't imagine living like this...Feel as if I should just off myself if this persists any longer Sorry for being so weak....

 

The first weeks are the worst, lets see about this in 2 months. You should be improving some by then

 

I honestly don't think I can manage that...I'm generally calm, introverted and enjoy silence....This sound seems to be shaking throughout me making me feel like I'm crumbling to shards as it robs me of every bit of strength. Can't sleep, can't eat much, biking to work is hell, lack all focus, I'm terrified my depressed behavior will scare of what few friends I have,...... I have custom made earplugs but somehow they suddenly don't fit anymore and actually seemed to worsen it which has me in my current panic attack. Nobody to really talk to while I just want to be held, bawl, scream and be assured it'll be better as pathetic as that sounds.

 

This is the routine that I have been using for the past 20+ years. It does help with sleeping and helps me live with my intrusive/severe tinnitus. I would advise folks, to exercise at their own pace and make sure that they have someone to help them if they do not know about a routine or exercise. Always be safe, always try to do some exercise and your body will thank you

Start slowly and see what routines you like and just do them. Keep a journal and see what helps and what does not.

 

Fascinating! Thank you.

I happened to choose a more "traditional" path (then again, I never got married, so in some ways yours is the one that is more traditional). We seem to have similar backgrounds, and that would explain the kinship.

When did your Russian ancestor came to the US?

 

There's still a very good chance that your tinnitus will subside and even stop entirely, but if the latter does not happen, there's no cause for worry. The vast majority of people habituate and calm down, your predictions of disaster are not founded in reality because you've been overwhelmed by this.

Take a moment and try to imagine that the sound is not threatening or ominous, in fact not even there most of the time, unless you happen to notice it. This is what habituation is, and if your tinnitus does not go away, it will likely become nothing more than an occasional minor annoyance. Many people aren't even annoyed, if they happen to notice it.

 

I'm....sorry....seems I had a panic attack. It's the first time I ever had one so it caught me by surprise....Does explain why I was feeling so restless all day...Guess it's the anxiety of tomorrows ENT meeting bubbling up.

 

1909, and 1939. My family's small, the ones from Warsaw I assume the worst for. Funny that, traditional and non traditional, you're right. I've said way too much am feeling a bit naked now... so let's move on and come back to this when opportunities arise. Take care.

 

THAT was a great time to leave. Too bad my family left in 1987.

 

No shit, my best friends came in the 80s , I can’t believe the shit they put up with and had to do in school. What a system. Putin, is a mafia don, no doubt. My closest friends at home are Russian, we would eat, drink tea and wine, laugh and tell stories and discuss to the late hours of the night. I am so blessed to have grown up with such talented and gifted people. Artists, composers, musicians, painters. Everybody had a beard... I've started sporting one now and again as well. We are lucky to come from such a rich heritage, the literature, music, art, is second to none... as well as the suffering. Glad to be in the States... and won’t get too political now, but I hope we can pull together as a nation. We have so much talent and money... let’s hope better days come soon.

 

My beard is over 25 years old...

It will be interesting whether you will notice a big change (for the worse) when you come back after being absent for several years...

 

Wow Daniel, your story was fascinating to say the least. Once again I am sorry to hear that you lost such a close friend. My family all went to St Petersburg in May, I was meant to travel with them but I was too unwell. They said it was an amazing city and they all enjoyed there time there. I purchased the book a few months back Peter the great by Robert Massie, I have started reading this now, so hopefully this book will give me the inspiration to eventually book another holiday so I can finally step foot on the grounds of Peterhof palace. I did go to Warsaw and Krakow last year, I absolutely loved Poland.

I know you are planning on returning to the US in the future, Have you ever thought about coming to Australia? I am sure many of us here would love to see your art work...

 

It sounds perfectly reasonable to me, I felt exactly the same for the first 5 weeks. trust me I live almost entirely in the bath during that time.. I even passed out getting out of the bath.. and passed out in it once (bit dangerous). I hate sound at night, I could never even sleep in a room with air filter. I'm totally understanding you here but you need to hang on because it WILL be less bad in a few more weeks. I lost 5 kilos in the first weeks and I didn't have that to spare. Pretty much ate nothing, just couldn't do it. My hyperacusis is getting better, there's still something drastically wrong with me.. Which I have no idea what it is and that's worrying but I'm finally getting to see the ENT in a month and my regular specialist before that. Those should give some answers. My real actual tinnitus is basically gone. even at night it's barely audible. It's only this somatic brain ringing which it proving the big problem and that's something to do with my neck nerves/I'm not sure but it's not from within the ear. I do know that I can make that ringing in the brain go away with drugs.. If I have to, someday

 

@Daniel Lion I grew up in to live in New England and I collected bronze historical. My father was a bronze supplier. The Boston area is a little expensive to live, but there are some beautiful towns 50 -60 miles away. Southern New Hampshire has quite a few small town artists with the same interest as yours.

 

Where do you live now?
And yes Boston is way too expensive, New Hampshire, Vermont, or Maine near a water source would be ideal.