Suicidal

Discussion in 'Support' started by jeremy06, Oct 14, 2018.

    1. Juan

      Juan Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Several causes
      It cant be so bad.
       
    2. all to gain

      all to gain Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      June 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      dirty drugs
      I live on the 16th floor. I only need to walk 4-5 steps to throw myself out of a window. Can't do it though. But at the same time I want the pain to stop.
       
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    3. all to gain

      all to gain Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      June 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      dirty drugs
      In theory I could open the capsules I have and use titration. Not sure if Prozac mixes with water well or not though. Will have to study up on it.
       
    4. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      Answered all these questions before. NEXT...
       
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    5. just1morething
      Benevolent

      just1morething Member Benefactor

      Location:
      U.S.
      Tinnitus Since:
      2008
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      barotrauma, noise exposure, TMJ, neck?
      How about jumping out of a basement window while high on benzos?
       
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    6. Labyrinthine
      Wishful

      Labyrinthine Member Benefactor

      Location:
      The Netherlands
      Tinnitus Since:
      2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Music & stress
      Take me with you.
       
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    7. MattS
      Relaxed

      MattS Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Power Tools
      That's okay Pete, they were rhetorical.
       
    8. Star64
      Kick ass

      Star64 Member

      Location:
      Melbourne Australia
      Tinnitus Since:
      2001
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise induced
      You can mix the powder from the capsules with water. Mix it with 10 ml of water and that should do the trick.
       
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    9. HootOwl

      HootOwl Member Benefactor

      Location:
      California
      Tinnitus Since:
      2009
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Explanation in About You
      Having a really bad day today. It’s days like these where I feel like I can’t go on. I wake up crying, I go to sleep crying. I just want the distortion to stop. I want to stop hearing loud dial tones inside of fans and planes and air conditioners. I want to stop hearing crickets and white noise and Morse code beeps inside of the car, and from water, and from passing traffic - from practically everything. I just...just want sounds to be normal. I crave the ocean and the wind, and I fear I will never hear them like I did ever again.

      I want my ears to be normal. I want my old life back. Even my life from 3 months ago would be okay. It was severe tinnitus but I could cope...not well, but I suppose well enough...

      I’ll never forgive myself for letting that acoustic trauma happen. Every day I blame myself. Every second I blame myself. I count down the minutes until I can fall asleep. It’s the only part of the day I look forward to anymore, and that is just no way to live a life.

      I keep trying to say, “hang in there. One of these upcoming treatments will help you. It will help all of us.” But then I think what if not. I can do 5 years of this, maybe 10. But I can’t do a lifetime. My brain can’t even process 60 years of suffering like this.
       
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    10. MattS
      Relaxed

      MattS Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Power Tools
      What was your latest acoustic trauma?
       
    11. Nate52

      Nate52 Member

      Location:
      Midwest
      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      I know the feeling. My ear rings off and on to external sounds. I keep hoping that each day will bring improvement. The best part of the day is going asleep at night.
       
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    12. Kriszti

      Kriszti Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2016/2017/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      I know it doesn't help much, but my heart goes out for you. I don't have half as bad as you, but today was just pretty horrible, same as yesterday. Hoping for a better tomorrow for all of us.
       
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    13. Labyrinthine
      Wishful

      Labyrinthine Member Benefactor

      Location:
      The Netherlands
      Tinnitus Since:
      2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Music & stress
      I doubt it that there is anything I could say at this point in time that could take some weight off your shoulders, but I'm going to try anyway...

      I'm in similar situation myself. A really unfortunate moment that literally lasted half of a minute, reduced my quality of life to zero about four months ago. I still find it hard to believe, really. I kept blaming myself for that moment everyday, despite the fact it was in large part out of my control. Counting down the hours until I can go back to sleep has become a depressing habit for me as well...

      All throughout life I thought that certain situations occurred in one's life so as to teach us a valuable lesson of sorts. To be fair, I'm not so sure what the lesson would be in your or my case... What could the purpose possibly be to feel such agony on a daily basis? I don't know... Perhaps the purpose of all this could be ascribed to a much larger metaphysical picture; something that is, unfortunately, incomprehensible to us as of now. I'm desperately trying to make sense of a horrible situation and it does somewhat give me a sense of relief to think that there's reason for our suffering, that, it is not completely pointless. I genuinely hope that it will give you a sense of relief as well...

      I hope that as time passes you'll eventually be able to forgive yourself. I stopped blaming myself for what happened because it was just adding up to the stress, making it even harder to cope with the present situation. We're going to need all of our strength to keep pushing. Needless to say, we can't go back to that point in time to stop it from taking place, so the only option left is to move forward and to make the best out of this situation. That is also what I decided to do even though my window is really small.

      I'm not sure what will happen in the next few years, but I'm going to hold on as long as possible to increase my chances of seeing the treatments of tomorrow. I won't last a lifetime either, but the most important thing in my opinion is to hold on as long as you can. And please remember that you're not alone! Reach out to a loved one whenever you feel the need to.
       
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    14. Aldran

      Aldran Member

      Location:
      Orange County, CA
      Tinnitus Since:
      03/15/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Not sure, maybe 25 years of taking Xannax, hearing loss?
      At my wits' end, I can get a break from this high pitched ringing. Has anyone found that taking either Depakote or Gabapentin made their tinnitus worse?
       
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    15. fishbone
      Shitfaced

      fishbone Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      1988
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      loud noise and very bad sickness
      100% agree with this. I like many here, would have loved to go back in time and to have taken better care of my ears. The only thing I/WE can do is to take care of our ears and try to adapt to our situation(s). It's not easy, it takes work, but it is possible.

      Bless......
       
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    16. HootOwl

      HootOwl Member Benefactor

      Location:
      California
      Tinnitus Since:
      2009
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Explanation in About You
      It was an unfortunate mix of very loud and close traffic (got stuck in a spot where I was holding something and couldn’t set it down quickly enough to plug my ears, probably a full minute at 85-90 dbs) and not realizing that a loud tone had turned on in my phone as I took a 2 hour nap. Possibly infection as I had a high fever the day it happened as well.
       
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    17. HootOwl

      HootOwl Member Benefactor

      Location:
      California
      Tinnitus Since:
      2009
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Explanation in About You
      Thank you Lab, and to Nate and Kris and Fishbone. Everyone on this forum is so kind...kind of tears me up but I’m a crier haha and it warms my heart how we all seem to genuinely care about each other’s well being.

      Lab, your words especially have struck a very deep cord inside of me. I will try to forgive myself and move forward, little by little. I spend a lot of time in the research threads and it’s like I know the light is there. For me, and for all of us.

      Until then, I will try to make strides every day as best I can. You’re right, we need all the strength we can.
       
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    18. linearb
      Psychedelic

      linearb Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      temporarily banished from this plane of existence.
      Tinnitus Since:
      1999
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      karma
      oh?

      what, exactly, have you done to address your TMJ specifically?

      if you still have ear pain and you haven't put at least 3-4 weeks into 20 mins day of proper self treatment after proper self education... well, occasionally animals die of thirst right next to an oasis, one supposes
       
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    19. linearb
      Psychedelic

      linearb Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      temporarily banished from this plane of existence.
      Tinnitus Since:
      1999
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      karma
      "I keep ignoring lots of well intentioned good advice, and things STILL aren't getting better, what should I do??!?!!"-thread
       
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    20. arctic loon
      Dreaming

      arctic loon Member

      Location:
      Finland
      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      loud music
      I feel extremely guilty for first of all attempting suicide and it making my issues 5 times worse and now I'm just stuck and hopeless and suffering for the rest of my life. I really think everyone here who's still fighting and hasn't given up is a huge hero and a warrior. I wish I could've been one too.

      After my suicide attempt I got many more issues, worst being PT. It's absolute hell to deal with on top of my tinnitus & hyperacusis. It has affected all aspects of my life so negatively. I have severe hyperacusis so I can't try to fix it, probably ever!

      My ears need complete silence and now they make an actual sound 24/7 so bad that using protection too long hurts my ears. I can't sleep or concentrate and I'm on the brink of panic for most of the time. I know this all can still be much more difficult in the future so I'm trying to be grateful and enjoy this level of suffering before I'm worse again.

      I'd be amazing right now if I hadn't done it. If anything, getting these new issues made me more suicidal but now I can't ever do it. Yet it's the only thing I can think of. I'm young and totally stupid and keep digging myself even deeper. All this could've been avoided so easily, but the past won't change no matter how much I think about it.

      I'm not telling this story to garner sympathy - I just want to warn you. Don't act on your impulses, you might pay very hard from them. Please, learn from my mistakes.
       
      • Hug Hug x 11
    21. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      I don't want to give out my personal info.

      No one knows 100% of what is causing the ear pain is TMJ. I can buy the book now, though. $22? I sold something so I have a little money. I want to buy the items I need. The ear pain is so bad, I don't want to talk about this anymore. I want to be dead.

      My tinnitus went really low early this evening. I think it was low for about 2 hours. I had a couple of noise exposure incidents but I don't think it did anything. The pattern every day is that the tinnitus becomes loudest in the late evening and the ear pain happens or increases at any time.

      I don't think this TMJ related. The only symptoms that applies is ear pain, occasional ear clicking or popping and bruxism but I have been grinding for a while. I wonder if I am doing it less though? Because my teeth and jaw haven't been sore lately. Just excruciating ear pain in my left ear 90% of the time and occasionally I have right ear pain.

      I don't see how this is TMJ. I haven't read of anyone here who has TMJ having similar symptoms.
       
    22. Labyrinthine
      Wishful

      Labyrinthine Member Benefactor

      Location:
      The Netherlands
      Tinnitus Since:
      2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Music & stress
      I'm really glad to hear that. You got this ;)
       
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    23. Rogi Cetpla
      In pain

      Rogi Cetpla Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Europe
      Tinnitus Since:
      T 2010 / IT 2015 / VIT 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise exposure
      Stay strong and remember that most of us are in the same situation...

      "Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune."

      William James
       
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    24. linearb
      Psychedelic

      linearb Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      temporarily banished from this plane of existence.
      Tinnitus Since:
      1999
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      karma
      No one asked you to.

      Offered to buy you the book, dude. I also offered to take pictures / scans of the important 10-20 pages and just send them to you. No money. No personal info.
      I've linked you to a ton of TMJ resources which list many more (but not all) of your symptoms as TMJ related.

      I am not suggesting that treating your TMJ will solve your problems, but if you're anything like me and the rest of us "trigger points and pain around the ear and jaw" crew, then I think properly treating your TMJ will reduce some of your symptoms. I'd also be concerned that TMJ tends to be progressive if not treated and this can certainly lead to worse tinnitus, ischemic events, and eventually the destruction of the jaw joint.

      I've said all I have to say on this; if you want the book pages let me know, if you'd rather just assume that none of this applies to you without actually trying it, welp, good luck with that.
       
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    25. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      My ear is in more pain again.

      It's so frustrating. How does both my tinnitus and ear pain dramatically reduce for a short period of time (approximately 2 hours) only to worsen and increase? I don't know what it was or what caused it.

      I can't wear muffs all the time. :(

      That two hours was a relief and I don't consider the t mild then so maybe moderate but it was a significant and welcome change. At this moment of this post, the t is screaming. I bet it's at least 70 dB. I don't want to live when it's like this and if it's like this most of the time, I want to do whatever I need to stop it even if it means I am not alive anymore.
       
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    26. just1morething
      Benevolent

      just1morething Member Benefactor

      Location:
      U.S.
      Tinnitus Since:
      2008
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      barotrauma, noise exposure, TMJ, neck?
      Try a short course of prednisone maybe?

      methylprednisone.jpg
       
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    27. MRItechssuck

      MRItechssuck Member

      Location:
      USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      2002-2015, 10/17/2019-?
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise, MRI
      Have you tried checking out your TMJ? I would start there.
       
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    28. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      My family dr won't prescribe me that. I tried to get it before. Even went to ER. :(
       
    29. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      I have 70 decibel tinnitus and constant ear pain that often becomes severe.

      I don't want to hang on. It is frustrating that the intrusiveness hinders concentration which I think is needed for a suicide. No one wants to be in an even worse state.
       
    30. Solose
      Worried

      Solose Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      10/15/19
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection
      I couldn't read this and not post. I know you say that you don't write this to garner sympathy and I can respect that. I know I'm just a stranger on the internet, but I'm glad you're still alive, and you ARE still fighting T as we speak.
       
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