Venting Thread

Hi I need to vent,

It has almost been 2 months since onset.

It is 6:16 AM in the morning right now, I slept for a total of 2 hours(on and off) - I went to sleep at 9 PM.
I am feeling zero hope for the normal continuation of my life.
If it is not for constantly getting frustrated by the noise, it is for the fear of it increasing.
I am living in constant paranoia, I don't feel safe in my own home, whether it is construction work outside, or my upstairs neighbors who decide to blast music or scream during the night.
Even walks in the park are scary, families walking around with their screaming children.

All these terms - T spike this, habituation that, getting used to the noise - I am getting nauseous whenever I hear it.
From about the 3 actual "success stories" in this forum, I can only assume that tinnitus going away is a myth, and I want to throw up at the thought.

I already have about 3/4 different tones in each ear, some constant, some on and off, I am sick of putting on my earmuffs and hearing this disgusting sound clearly every few minutes to avoid getting new tones.

My hobbies used to be watching streams and playing video games after work, I can no longer enjoy them.
I can't interact with anything electronic that has sound because it aggravates the T, so I am unable to do these things anymore.

I've not been to work since onset, I work at a call center, the same work that gave me T due to their fire alarm.
My manager keeps asking about me, I keep telling him I am coping and to give me time, but I don't think I'll be able to return, if I don't have the will to get up in the morning, how can I work.

I don't think I am strong enough like a lot of people in this forum, don't see a reason to hold on, besides keeping my mom from bursting in tears.

I just cried in bed before getting up, I usually slept until 8 AM for these months, coped pretty well, but tonight broke me I feel.

I don't need advice, not having a panic attack, just accepting things, calm with tears in my eyes because I'm getting used to this fact already, no longer feels new.

 

T tends to fade for most sufferers. You are at that hardest month 2 stage. During my second month after onset I cried uncontrollably multiple times a day.

I am the first to admit (and many on this forum will confirm) that I am one of the more paranoid people here. And yet I think that it is not easy to get yourself a permanent T spike. Whenever you can, you should try to avoid getting a temporary spike, though. Just protect your ears when you are outside and are likely to be exposed to loud noises. When you are not wearing any protection, have your Peltor muffs within easy reach, and put them on as soon as you hear noise. Try to stay away from the moderate noises like that of a vacuum cleaner too. If this doesn't seem to help you, then after 6 months or so you can always resume being exposed to those moderate noises.

If you protect your ears, make sure to watch TV at moderate volume. You don't want to develop H.

You will want to use sound enrichment and perhaps take amitriptyline to help you sleep.

For details on that, see
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...eone-else-who-has-tinnitus.26850/#post-307822

I realize that you said that you don't need advice. If you feel Strongly that you don't need any advice, you can always ignore my advice.

 

Fade that is true, my T faded to a level below what it was on onset, I do not believe "going away" anymore though.

You are one of the smartest people in this forum, not paranoid, I say that because we DO need to protect our ears from moderate sounds.

My good ear was protected by silicon earplugs (20 dB protection) during one of my swimming sessions in an enclosed pool, some kids came to the pool and started shouting loudly, like kids do.
The people around me would not even flinch at the sounds, yet the protection did nothing, I rushed out of the pool in about 5 mins when I felt pain in my ear, since then there is T in my good ear as well.

As you say, our ears are compromised, we either live in paranoia, or die with severe T.

 

If it had happened so early in your T journey, it is a good sign. Why wouldn't it continue to fade?

I see what you mean...

Well, most of the time this protection is successful, and is just a minor inconvenience.

You get habituated to protecting I know that having to protect no longer makes me feel depressed.

I think this is true for a considerable fraction of us. But it is possible that one could take a risk and stop protecting and not get severe T. One might end up with slowing down one's T fading, and nobody knows how likely or unlikely that happens to be.

And again, this paranoia is certainly inconvenient, but it is not the end of the world, and most of the time you don't have to place too many restrictions on yourself.

I got my T on February 2, 2017. At around this time in 2017 I was a mess. Wait a year, and chances are you will feel better (and your outlook will be more optimistic) than you do now.

 

How did you get T from the fire alarm? Were you in the building for a long time?

 

Yes, my managers did not know about the dangers of ear damage, neither did I, stupid as I am.

They told whoever is still on-call during the fire alarm (it was a fire drill) to just stay put and keep on with the call.
Well there came my luck, and I stayed because I'm a dumbass.
So there my ears were exposed to about 10-15 mins of this, and now I'm here.