Dating with Tinnitus and Hyperacusis

Who else lives in California and has hyperacusis and wants to share a padded apartment with me and never leave the house lol.

 

With my luck even if FX-322 is successful I’ll probably end up with some other crippling disorder a few months later.

 

I'm home 90% of the time too, I've always been a home body. I've had sports injuries for over 20 years now... Luckily I have an easy life and my tinnitus is always there and reactive, but its only annoying and loud 40% of the time.

 

Can you even watch tv, etc??

 

In other words: so we need a dating thread for all the singles here?

 

Down.

 

Earplugs didn't protect me either. I have had very bad setbacks even wearing earmuffs and earplugs. Sometimes there are sound that are really loud and impossible to predict in advance.

I am sure there are really a lot of options in California to go out in quiet place. There are nature parks nearby, the ocean, etc.

 

I am still dating (moderate tinnitus, and moderate-severe hyperacusis). Needless to say, these conditions have extremely limited my options to do things. My gf told me the other day that she doesn't even remember when was the last time we had fun together. But that's also to do with the fact that I live in a third world country and the 2nd noisiest city on the planet, and can't really do much things. If I'd been in a smaller / quieter town, I am pretty sure I'd be able to make it work.

But, if she leaves (which I know she will, eventually), I don't think I'd date for a long long time - both, because I really love her a lot, and tinnitus/hyperacusis which made me lose the person I ever loved dating. If I managed to lose her, what's to say I won't eventually lose every person I'll ever date.

FML!

 

I really hope she doesn't leave. Are there any indoor hobbies you can take up together? Board games? Painting? I don't know of there are any off times of restaurants you can go that are quieter. Some owners are really accommodating. I had a friend that used to train for the Appalachian trial and i used to go on 10 mile night hikes with him in his town. This was years before tinnitus, but I remember being delighted by how quiet it was. Is that something you can do? I hope she (and you) can hang in there.

My husband left me alone for 3 days to party with his sister (who was in town) the day I lost my hearing. He didn't want to change his plans and didn't even believe me because he didn't understand why some sounds were loud if I was "going deaf" like I said. Until I learned the term hyperacusis (which is mostly gone now but I have other issues) in fact, he would openly mock me.

He said my recent miscarriage must have made me snap into "mental illness", and it was all in my head. His mother is a labor and delivery nurse and had seen it "all the time."

There is no pain like complete betrayal from the person you love. I would have rather walked in on him with another woman than hear him say that no one cries that much from just tinnitus and hearing loss unless they have "underlying mental illness", that I had become a child and a lost cause and that I was narcissistic and selfish to expect his life to be ruined too.

My heart has PTSD. I hope they come up with an FX-322 for that.

 

I suggested this years ago... haha

 

But that's so terrible!

 

My Dad is the same, only hears it if he thinks about it, he's oblivious 90% of the time.

 

@FGG omfg and he had the balls to say you're the narcissist...

 

This couple met on an internet support group!

https://abcnews.go.com/Health/quest-silence-living-wth-hyperacusis/story?id=22284805

'For Joyce Cohen and Ben, a constant in their relationship has been the quest for silence.

Before their first date, New York City-based writer Cohen says, "I canvassed the neighborhood for a carpeted restaurant, and we went to dinner very, very early." At their wedding seven months later, "There was no music," says Cohen. "And we had paper plates."

"They met on an Internet support group for people who suffer from an auditory condition called hyperacusis. People with hyperacusis cannot tolerate levels of everyday noise without discomfort, and in severe cases, there is excruciating, debilitating pain. "

 

@OnceUponaTime
Joyce and Ben's story is beautiful, they had plastic plates and forks only at the wedding!

But being realistic, holy s@#$ the odds of finding someone from your town with hyperacusis are sooo low, they were unbelievable lucky!

Thank God for those who have tinnitus only, the chances are higher

 

@FGG, your husband sounded like an absoulute tool. You're better off without him.

 

PTSD or not, at least you dodged a bullet.

 

This breaks my heart to read, I am so sorry. What a terrible human being. I am not saying you have/had a mental illness in any way, but even if that was the case a loving person should be there to support the other no matter what! If anything you needed his support during that time the most, no matter what was happening. “For better or for worse”. Definitely dodged a bullet there.

 

I can’t believe your ex-husband said those cruel things about you. I would never wish tinnitus on my worst enemy but those people that show no empathy for tinnitus and hyperacusis sufferers are bloody clueless. If they were in our shoes they wouldn’t last for a week and then they would shut the fuck up and show empathy to us sufferers.

 

That's the part that got me. I actually went to a psychiatrist who determined that I did not have post miscarriage related mental illness (or any other kind other than situation trauma) but she said exactly that, "let's say you did, though, does that mean you wouldn't have deserved empathy?"

Roles reversed, I never would have left his side. The universe is entirely unfair.

At least if you meet someone while you are disabled, you know that they are okay with it.

 

Yes. I can do most things, I just have issues with things sounding overwhelmingly loud. I don’t want to confuse anyone here, I haven’t been diagnosed with hyperacusis. I do have a sensitivity to loud noises (could be misophonia at this point) and a lot of things like very crowded places, loud music in stores, people’s voices just sound louder than normal. I can no longer use my blow dryer without ear plugs. It doesn’t cause me pain, but the roar of it makes me uncomfortable and I don’t want to make my sensitivity worse.

Whether that’s all my anxiety or actual hyperacusis, I still do not know, I am in the early days. My fears lie with this progressing to pain hyperacusis.

 

His sister survived leukemia and he said that she handled having cancer (she completely recovered) better than I handled losing music and having tinnitus, therefore I was just a drama queen. Absolutely clueless and lacking empathy.

 

It sounds like loudness hyperacusis to me. To my knowledge, that has a different etiology than pain hyperacusis so there is no reason to think yours will "progress" to that.

 

Damn I can’t believe he compared cancer with tinnitus. Just cause tinnitus doesn’t kill us many of us have an emotional impact about the tinnitus we hear. The only time I wish people to get tinnitus and hyperacusis are those who lack empathy towards me about my condition.

I had an ENT showed a lack of empathy towards my condition and wanted to give her a slap in the face. She told me to tough it out and as a male I find that really offensive and it implies that I’m weak and my condition isn’t important enough.

 

She's definitely in the wrong profession if she doesn't care about her patients.

 

There should be a separate dating site for people without empathy. They just sign up and describe what uses they need filled and then they find the perfectly reciprocal transactional relationship of their dreams. And a nice quarantine for everyone else.

 

So... Tinder? lol
Just kidding. But I agree.

I do wish there was some sort of place for people with more special needs. I feel guilty for going on sites where people may be suffering from life threatening disorders or something more severe than me. But I do require a bit more understanding and patience than the average healthy person may be able to provide in a relationship.

 

Do you have any information on loudness hyperacusis? I’ve scavenged this entire forum and haven’t found much info. Doctors just tell me it’s anxiety/congestion/allergies (which it very well could be) but I don’t want to make assumptions and make it worse.

 

Dr. Pollard recently did a podcast here on hyperacusis. There are very few experts on it but he is one.

I can say personally mine mostly resolved over the course of 3-6 months even when none of my other hearing issues improved. I see that a lot on the forum with the majority of people improved within a few years at the latest.

 

People tend to take for granted that if a chronic health condition cannot kill you then it is not serious enough. Ironically, insurance companies, that are professionals understanding pain and awarding compensation, give more money to someone who survives an accident and is seriously crippled (has to live all the rest of life being handicapped) than to someone who actually dies in an accident.

So coming back to cancer, it is for sure a terrible illness that can kill but the view of society on it actually helps the patient. If someone dies, that's something they can sort of expect, and they "lost the battle of cancer". If they manage to go on living they are sort of heroes, even though there are tons of treatments and standard protocols for cancer. Basically patients go to a doctor and walk out knowing quite precisely what their options are and what they can expect in terms of treament.

Now guess what... when I go to an ENT they say (the older ones) that maybe they have seen one single case that resembles mine in their whole career (like 40 years as doctors), and there wasnt any treatment or even medical guidelines for this...