Dating with Tinnitus and Hyperacusis

@aot

If possible try and seek some professional help f0r your tinnitus and hyperacusis. These conditions can wear a person down over time but there is always hope. Try and engage in things you like to do so you become more positive about life and the future.

Michael

 

Look for a very introverted girl or someone with similar issues. They will be happy not to feel pressured to go into crowded places.

 

I firmly believe that there is someone out there who wants to be with you, but she doesn't know it yet.

I almost never went to parties and don't drink or smoke, and it never stopped me. It may take longer to find someone, but you will. Be proactive.

Out of interest, have you had any girlfriends since your tinnitus and hyperacusis started?

 

Pre worsening, one or two girls. Nothing serious.

Post worsening, there was one girl in real life who I liked but she didn't return my feelings (which is fine.) I might've had an online thing going with another girl. She also had hyperacusis, but hers improved significantly and she stopped contact. I don't know if she felt the same way.

I've considered that, but it seems that Florida is extrovert central unfortunately. And I'm sure even introvert girls would like to catch a movie once in a while.

 

I found someone and I have a whole host of ear issues. Key is explaining it beforehand and giving her live examples of what dating you would be like. Believe me, a lot of women aren't interested in doing all that stuff. Do different things. Hike, camping, swim, workout, travel, start projects, get into wine, take new hobbies and include her. Try drive in theaters. On and on.

 

I feel like this is going to be me too.

 

Florida is totally like that, I couldn't really stand it and I'm an extrovert (but you know, not *that* extroverted).

A lot of girls who wanted to occasionally catch a movie in a theatre would be fine doing it with their friends. In a healthy relationship, you don't need to do every activity with your partner anyway.

You have a lot of good qualities, @aot and there are girls more than willing to look over a few set backs in life, especially when they realize it gives you heightened compassion.

 

Thank you very much, FGG. I actually had a terrible morning today, so this really does mean a lot to me.

 

Let’s all hope FX-322 does its job at reducing or completely getting rid of hyperacusis and tinnitus and allows us to continue with our normal lives with the exception of protecting our ears when we expose our ears to loud noises.

 

This is something I worry about too as a 24 year old girl. Prior to this setback, my hyperacusis was almost a non-issue - of course I couldn't really go to concerts or loud bars but I didn't really have any issues dating. To be honest I've not really been focused on dating that much amidst the pandemic and whatnot but now I'm like 'can I even go to a coffee shop without worrying about the background music giving me a spike?' I am more of an introvert so I'm not massively saddened about not being able to go to clubs or loud bars but it's still affecting my social life massively. I mean, I feel so bad even when my friends ask if I want to video call and I just make excuses because I can't bring myself to talk about my hyperacusis and how I'm not really in a position to video call right now because of it. I have this paranoia that I won't be believed or something given how basically nobody in real life has ever heard of it. So I don't know how I'm going to handle dating if it doesn't get better...

 

I feel all that, espically since I've started a, possibly reactive, spike today. (Got hit by a lot of noise yesterday. On the way to the library, ironically.)

A part of me sees this pandemic as a blessing in a really fucked, up selfish kinda way: A convenient excuse not to go out. To not socialize. To not leave the house. Everyone who values their health is in my boat right now.

But I also WANT to do those things. When everything opens up, and it's all back to normal, my convenient excuse will be gone and I'm so scared that no one will understand.

 

I'm exactly the same - the pandemic has been a weird silver lining as everywhere has been shut down and I have a socially acceptable reason to stay in. But now that places are opening back up it's depressing thinking that I can't even book a hair appointment without worrying about the background noise spiking me. I go on walks with my mum most days just around my quiet suburban neighbourhood and even then I have to avoid going past streets where the neighbours are mowing the lawn or using power tools.

Where I live there also seems to be an unfortunate epidemic of young men revving around on noisy motorbikes and showing off! It annoys me so much.

 

@serendipity1996 and @aot

You are around the same age bracket and both of you feel the same. Am I missing something here? Why don't you get together, you might make a cute pair. Get to know each other...

 

Managed to find a great guy who is supportive, and a fellow introvert as well. He's been nothing short of wonderful since this began happening to me. That said, I feel a lot of guilt not being able to provide him a normal relationship anymore. He's younger so I feel I am holding him back.

I never really had a burning desire to start a family, but I can envision it with him. But I can't even imagine starting a family, let alone supporting one, with this condition. I feel like that avenue is not possible. At 27 years old, the clock is ticking...

 

27 is totally young!

You have time. And you're so very lucky to have a great guy with you.

 

Amen. Have a wonderful wife who is highly supportive, also introverted. I also feel super guilty about holding her back constantly. We were planning on starting a family soon, but now I am super disabled without an obvious end in sight. Scary stuff. I feel like I'm destroying two lives.

 

I've never had a serious relationship and while I wasn't actively looking for one, I feel like I've wasted it all. I may not have hyperacusis but with intrusive fluctuating tinnitus, all that I could do despite my other health issues have now become things I no longer can do or no longer can enjoy. Maybe I should just find someone online and stick to that, lol

 

Don't feel so bad about yourself, Zug. All of this is out of your control. You didn't choose this.

But she chooses to stay. She loves you that much, man.

 

So... @serendipity1996

 

I can relate to Zugzug. Even though I'm not in a relationship, I'd be worried about ruining two lives with my tinnitus. My self esteem sucked pre tinnitus, but now I feel like I'm defective because of my tinnitus. I'd need to find a really patient guy once it's actually safe to date. 'Cause right now it's not thanks to COVID-19.

 

I was thinking about something but does anyone know someone who has suffered from anxiety, PTSD, depression and suicidal thoughts who doesn’t suffer from it anymore and ended up being in a relationship and having kids?

This is a thought I have everyday if when hearing regeneration medicine solves my hyperacusis and tinnitus would I be able to have a normal life again. I’m 22 and never had a girlfriend before but I have been on a couple of dates before my worsening and I’m glad I didn’t end up having a girlfriend.

I still have no clue what I’m going to do with my life and career once this is all over.

 

My high school history teacher. His hand got messed up in Iraq, and saw some pretty nasty stuff. Happily married with kids.

And one of my managers from my last job. (A movie theatre. Probably one of the reasons I'm here today.) Was an EMT, saw a bunch of people die. Was in the navy, killed a bunch of people. Rumor is that he used to be a drug dealer, I never asked
Anyway, he seemed like a well adjusted, stand up guy. He straight up stopped a purse snatcher once.

 

My (deceased) grandfather is my motivation. He survived war -- quite literally, his ship was blown up and he was one of the survivors. This is radically different from my condition, but I know he suffered from PTSD and survivor's guilt. He loved his life and was just so thankful to have survived. My life will never look like his. I am too sick and too young, but there could be elements in common.

I'm a big believer in neuroscience and psychology, when applied correctly. If I can solve my medical problem, I am scared of the PTSD, but I think I can have a life worth living.

When it comes to kids, I am more scared of the thought that I could be totally decommissioned at any point in time -- unable to work, talk, having to have a super quiet home. The kid would not be raised correctly and I would have to live separately. I can't raise my young kid to tip toe around the house and not talk.

 

I’m in the same boat as you when it comes to that last paragraph. I’ve gotten a taste of how horrible it feels to be disabled and even if this current issue goes away I just can’t help but think of all the other stuff that could go wrong later in life.

A healthy life isn’t a guarantee for anyone but I think for the most part people who are healthy don’t think about this kinda stuff before they have kids. Everyone kinda just assumes they will be okay. No one is like “I might become paralyzed in 15 years I shouldn’t have a kid”

 

I suffered from depression and anxiety for years. It means I missed out on all of my teenage years and my 20s, and it means that I didn't get married or have kids until I was in my 40s. And then I got tinnitus, and now have lots of anxiety and depression again. But do you know what, my kids are the joy of my life. I love them to bits. I live for them.

Don't give in to the idea that your are going to be scarred for life or anything by all of this. Yes, it sucks big time, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. You are in your early 20s, and even if regenerative medicine takes another 20 years, there is still time for you. Is it perfect? Hell no! And the daily thoughts of things getting worse can pay a heavy toll. But we have been dealt the hand we have and have to play our cards as best as we can. Hang on in there!

 

I know that this post was directed to Lucifer, but thank you for your wisdom.

 

Thank you guys for your comments. It means a lot that you shared about others’ experiences or your own personal experience.

@Orions Pain that first paragraph sums up perfectly on how I feel as well how you mentioned you got a taste of how horrible it feels to be disabled. Just worried that even if I do recover I could have something else later in the future. This thought is on my mind everyday.

 

Hey guys, I'm 20 and chiming in because I also relate. I'm not even pursuing the idea of a relationship at the moment because I feel like I would just be a burden. Now health is first priority for me. Because of my financial and health situation (high blood pressure to keep under control too) I won't be able to attend college, but I am looking into online courses via Coursera and maybe EdX because thank God, I was into programming before tinnitus. If anyone else is interested those look like good resources so far. Let's hope employers take those certificates into account. Even if worst comes to worst I can always try to go the youtuber avenue. We don't quite live in the age of regenerative medicine but we are nearing with medicine like FX-322, so now we are walking so people in the future can run, the same way our ancestors paved the way for civilization so we can have a better life than they did.

 

Hey everyone I can relate to this big time. Severe hyperacusis with pain for 9 months. I’m normally a happy fun person but I’ve been trapped in my parents basement 25 years old and don’t see how I’ll ever meet someone and have a normal relationship. It is scary for sure, but trying to have some hope things will improve. As rare as H is, would love if there was a way to meet others in our area going through the same thing. It would be helpful to have a partner or friend around the same age to talk to in person who can truly understand. From NJ btw

 

Yep... I can testify for all of this. On top of that being considered mentally sick. Because they look at you and you are just looking ok, right?