Fed Up... Anybody Else Thinking About Ending It All?

So tired. It never stops. How can you people live with this?

I would take brain cancer any day. At least I would know that I either die or survive. With tinnitus, it never ends.

Tinnitus takes away everything you once loved. Permanently...

 

@Stink, Don´t be so sure about that. You could get T from the chemo and then survive

 

Stink, Is it correct that you have had tinnitus since 2000 like I have and still are quite bothered by it?

 

No you wouldn't. I have a friend who had brain cancer and had to go through brain surgery. The end result is that he's alive, but he's completely deaf in one ear and he has loud tinnitus in that ear. And it can't be masked since he's deaf in that ear. Also, tinnitus is often a common symptom of chemo. So you don't know what you'd be wishing on yourself.

 

Yes, I have thought about that , but I realized that its T driving you insane.
I am not giving into that little bastard , T has done enough damage to my life as it stands.
I count my blessings and move on , I can only suggest other people do the same.

I feel like I just have to accept that I like a LOT of other people have a health condition.
Time to move on.

 

T since 2000? That's a lot of years of suffering. Hasn't it gotten easier over time? Have you thought about ending it all this time, or do you get periods of time where you feel ok?

 

I do not have the courage doing suicide.
I have kids, wife and a mom. Before they live in misery, I live in misery.
Many became better, even after years. So we will.
And research is doing a lot in T and hearing loss.
So too early giving up.

 

I am in the music business , T has been a dirty secret there for a long time.
A professional engineer is not going to tell all his clientele that he has hearing problems.
Also , musicians do not want to tell all their peers as this is the musicians Kryptonite, and no one wants pity.
Musicians have a responsibility here that they have not delivered on.

This ...Is however changing.
Its ironic but due to the DJ culture and all the big festivals and the earbuds from HELL everyone and their granny is getting T and hearing damage . The World health organization just released a press release warning teenagers to only listen for an hour per day . Mixmag has started to take this seriously , festivals are now handing out earbuds.

Grimes has cancelled a tour because of T.
Big name Dj just lost his hearing on the left side completely.
Will I Am , talks freely about his T.

Things are changing .

The demand for a "cure" has always been there , but lurking . This malady is about to explode .
Ironically , that will create a bigger demand .
Demand will create a supply.

A "cure" is getting closer.

 

@RaZaH, i really like your words in this thread.

 

If he has had tinnitus like me since 2000 his case like mine just shows that not all tinnitus gets better with time. Really hate to put that fact out there on this site. If your tinnitus does not change I will agree your reaction to it will be different and for the most part you will not be that bothered by it. But as years go by and it does get worse then it's a whole new situation that you must deal with. Yes you are correct in saying that is many years of suffering.

 

Yes. First 2 years were easy - mild T. heard it only in quiet. Then a course of IV antibiotics destroyed me. T became un-maskable
I am now on disability retirement (for tinnitus - anxiety - panic attacks - depression - insomnia - all because of the noise!!!)

I cant work like this, I cant be around people. People see me as failure. Friends have forgotten about me.

Its not a life worth living ... I dont want to depress people here but this is a terrifying existence

 

T sucks for sure and alters your life. However, like Martin indicates, suicide would hurt my family and I really couldn't pull it off. I have thought of it, but always think of things like.."Where will I go? Will God forgive me? This is permanent and I can't undo it. Is there a cure just around the corner? Will I habituate?, Etc."

I'm only 11 months in, so I still have hope. Long term? I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

For now, I live day by day and create diversions to help me get through. I pray to God to help me and everyone who suffers from this incessant demon.

My whole family has T for various reasons and have habituated over time. They don't even know it's there anymore. This alone gives me a ray of sunshine amidst the darkness.

God bless!

Sailboardman

 

@Stink have you tried coping strategies like TRT? Also, a lot of people have reported relief with Trobalt. You might give that a shot.

 

@RaZaH Wow I did not know that about Grimes. I knew Will.I.Am had T and Chris Martin from Coldplay. Here is a good article about it all from Pitchfork published in January 2014:

http://pitchfork.com/thepitch/215-earplugs-at-concerts/

I think you are right--this is a problem that is affecting more and more people. There was an ordinance passed in Minneapolis that music clubs had to provide free earplugs which was roundly mocked when it was passed but I think that's the right idea.

 

Stink, Since you have had tinnitus this long have you tried any drugs that might help with your tinnitus and your insomnia? The reason I ask is because I have taken a couple of medications that have been a big help for both. The one really helped with my sleep and that really helped with my tinnitus just knowing I was going to get a good nights sleep. I was on disability retirement at one time but on regular retirement now.

 

@Stink
However bad life may seem, there is always something you can do, and succeed at. While there's life, there is hope. - Stephen Hawking

What if you ended it all and in January 2016 there was a sudden, huge breakthrough and a Tinnitus cure was released to the public. Now I know this hypothetical situation is extremely unlikely, but we genuinely are getting closer and closer to an effective treatment, if not a cure.

Just something to think about I wish you all the luck and good fortune in the world and hope you can overcome this monster. You're not alone!

 

I don`t know if you own a house but if it is this bad i would sell whatever possession I have and go for HIFU ... if you are in disability and get money you have nothing to lose. Or you get a lone from the bank for 35000 euro`s and pay them back with your pension over the next few years. Just a practical view. If life is n`t worth living there is always a way. Even friends and family can pitch in .and you can pay them back because you have steady income. I don`t know, just giving you some perspective on what is possible in this life.

best of luck!!

 

I answered No. I have children and despite my suffering, my life must go on for them.

I also still have hope.

 

is that LeeAnn Grimes ? I never knew she had tinnitus.. yes.. this noise really sucks!! and can be very depressing to wake up to and go to be with it... im hoping the new drug autf. will help us!! we only have hope to keep us going and faith!!!

 

Hi Lynn! Are you trying TRT? I thought you were starting the beginning of the year.

 

No not yet...I became very ill (again) and was hospitalized. Then just started exploring TMJD avenues $$$ and also CBT and minfulness. I didn't mean to sound desperate in my post. I am OK. H sucks, however.

TRT is still a consideration. My splint therapy was qouted $6000 and that's just for that. I have a long road ahead.

 

Life: tinnitus, but also sex, motorcycles, beer, long hikes in hills

Death: unknown, but probably none of the above

 

Pretty simple it is, is it not? Ask yourself this question: Where were you before you were born?
And that's exactly where you are going when you die. Now, do not misunderstand me. Fear is very real. But life is a cycle. Motorcycles are not that exotic, same for beer and wandering about. Though, I'm not so sure about the sex.

@Stink, I feel you. And I think you should do what feels right to you. But whatever you do, make sure you do it the right way!

There are people convinced that suffering due to T is not real. The only reason why you suffer is 'cause you react emotionally to it. It is just a sound in your head. It cannot hurt you like pain; or sound waves. And that not every neurons are neurons; there are apples and oranges just like roads and roads but they have nothing in common 'cause they have different names. That is near insanity. But I say BULLSHIT. T is the worst there is. Period.

@nills, HUFI ?

 

sort of depends on what fetishes you're in to, eh?

This paragraph makes me think you're not really understanding what people are trying to communicate. NO ONE IS SAYING THAT THIS SUFFERING IS NOT REAL! What people are trying to tell you is that the suffering can be ameliorated, even if the ringing cannot. The "apples and oranges" neuron thing is your own bizarre misinterpretation of something that Dr. Nagler was trying to communicate, and it's a strawman because literally no one on here believes it.

 

@linearb nah, ask some neurologists about T and phantom pain. Neurons are neurons! Or does a broken finger hurts less than a broken toe?

 

I'm gonna go visit my grandma later. I'll make us a nice pot of tea and we'll watch some BBC mystery shows. Eventually my uncle will come home from work and the three of us will have a nice quiet evening.

 

I totally agree with you that T and phantom pain have a lot in common, having read way too much about the subject. But, that doesn't change my opinion about anything else I've written here.

I have a close relative who has lived with a pretty awful chronic pain problem for a long time; in fact she seems to have T, as well, and doesn't even think about it much... but we're all different, and her T may not be like my T, and my T may not be like your T...

 

@NiNyu . I get what you are saying and you are obviously suffering but...so are we.
I have yet to encounter a person on this forum that says that suffering from T is not real .
I am not even sure what you mean by that as it makes no sense on a ..eh... Tinnitus forum.

Having said that, I guess you are just venting , by all means go ahead vent

 

Bro, you and I had similar thought process about suicide. A few years back my body was taking immense sufferings from ultra high pitch dog whistle T, severe H, as well as relentless anxiety and panic attacks. The combined sufferings were too much to bear and the big S word was tempting to my tired and stressed out mind as it saw no way out of the long dark tunnel. But I didn't want to die this way at all cost. I began to search on Internet, and those youtube videos of people coming back from near-death experience after attempting suicide have painted such an unpleasant experience that they helped to convince me to stay put and fight these T & H bullies while I am alive. I humanize them as my worst bullies in life and I refuse to kneel and bow to their supremacy.

I use the approach that, if I can just find examples of people who have survived severe T (and H too in my case), then I know it is survivable, and I would use their attitude, strategies, philosophies or whatever they rely on to help me soldier on with T & H. Additionally, I used examples of people surviving the tortures of Gulag to help motivate my fighting spirit. I searched internet with people dealing with acute chronic pain to see how they cope (there I found Darlene Cohen who survives her pain from young 20 to near 70). Ultimately, I searched for people with loud and unmaskable T to see how they can survive this ordeal. Well some people with deafness are known to have unmaskable T. One lady actually was in the same area I live. Through our conversation, she had survived 12 years of unmaskable T due to partial deafness, been to ER a few times, lost her marriage, on Klonopin for this long too to cope, but she has survived her T and now moving on.

Another one just came to the support forum I was in back then to introduce her tinnitus film. She is an attractive, young lady Zoe Cartwright with loud and unmaskable T which she described as *^%$#@! loud. Her T became unmaskable since she became completely deaf at 15. Somehow, bless her, she manages to choose acceptance over resistance and move on to pursue her goal to attend univerisity. Against all odds, she made it. After 10 years of the unmaskable T, she made the tinnitus short film which I already posted about on page 15 of the Positivity Thread. The film title of 7.24.52.10 was chosen because she said her loud unmaskable T was for 7/24, 52 weeks a year for 10 years at the time of the film. She survived it and even said she loves her life. Amazing and shocking to me, honestly. How did she survive that endless noise in her waking hours all these years? But she did it, believe it or not. Is loud T really that unbearable or is it my acute negative reaction causing it?

Well, her example is enough indication to me that with a certain attitude and approach and a persevering human spirit, T is survivable and livable. That is enough guiding light for me to decide to take on these T & H bullies and stay put & fight them on my feet. By fighting, it doesn't mean by more emotional or negative reactions, but by emulating what others have learned to do - acceptance (not accepting T but the reality of T in my life), positivity (I was very negative person before, hence my years of living with anxiety and panic disorders), patience (letting the body to have enough time to heal), strategies (CBT, mindfulness meditation, abdominal breathing), finding joy amid the pain (willing to peacefully co-exist with T and yet living life abundantly to compensate for any suffering from T). And you can add to that whatever you like to enjoy, in my case outdoor, fishing, hiking, singing, dancing, serving & caring for others, etc. etc. Just live your life again.

I have learned the wisdom from a war veteran who replied to my inquiry how to live with T long term. He said, 'I am a soldier. I fight for a living. But with tinnitus, I have learned to ACCOMODATE it, and not to fight!'. What wisdom from a professional solider. I learn my lesson and apply the wisdom. In a few years, the tyranny of T over me is over. It still scream its lung out but me and my body don't give a dime to it now. Don't know how. It just happens over time when I stop resisting T. T can go to hell while I enjoy my earthly heaven. Don't give up the fight, bro and sis. If IWLM can be back to silence after 40 years, you can't rule out anything and in time the medical world may come up with a solution. So hang in there.

 

@billie48

Sorry to go off topic here but can you please tell me how do you sleep with such a bad t?
How do you relax, read a book, do nothing....?

I wish I could reach your level of "tinnitus ignorance"!
Your story is always uplifting so thank you for that!