Hopes Dashed :(

[Rhea]

Hi everyone,

Long time no see. I am back today to...well vent I guess. No one at home to listen to I thought i'd come here...

After 13 years of T (caused by music in night club), by this time last year my life was, well, not a life, just a mere existence. I hadn't worked for 3 years, spent most of my time indoors, never socialized and was dependent in everyday on my long term partner, who I loved dearly but had no desire to be in an romantic relationship with but was too scared to leave. I wore plugs anytime I left the house to avoid noise and I was thoroughly depressed.

Then last summer I decided enough was enough...I decide I may as well try and have a life or not be alive at all. I summoned up some courage, god only knows from where, and started to make some major life changes.

I left my partner, I knew it was unfair on him for me to stay just because I needed him financial and emotionally. We sold out house and with my share of the money I began setting myself up a new life, I moved counties, found myself a house, meet a new man who is kind and accepts my T, and 6 weeks ago I landed myself my dream job.

I have pushed through every barrier and anxiety to get to a stage where I am now an independent woman, living alone, socializing, paying for my own house, making my own money and working full-time in a challenging full time job with lots of responsibility.

The last month especially has been amazing, I have reflected on how far I have come and I am so proud of myself. The biggest challenge was leaving the house without plugs and going to work in a uncontrolled noise environment. The first week was so scary, but I didn't plug and I dealt with it..doors slamming, people being loud , all sorts of noise my ears hadn't heard without plugs in for YEARS. I even done a 6 hour car journey for a work trip and manage to do it without plugs.

I have been having bad T BUT tbh it didn't sound much worse than it already did before...I thought I had cracked it...I started to wonder why I had been so worried about "normal sound " for years, my excitement at my new at least semi normal life was profound, I was feeling like I had one the lottery.

Yesterday I went to a team huddle at work, there were around 25 people there in a medium sized room, given my recent success I wanted to push forward and not to plug as I thought how loud can it be? I sat through 30 mins, most of which was not overly loud but there were many awards being given out and people were cheering and clapping..very loudly, they guy I was sitting next to was clapping like his life depended on it (they're a noisy excitable bunch) I resisted the urge to plug as I didn't want to feel like I was going "backwards" from the progress I had made.

Today...wow..major spike. I guess the clapping and cheering topped 90+db at times and probably lasted 4 minutes or so all added up, it seems it may have been too much. I feel gutted, and so disheartened. i am trying to remain calm, I know whatever happens I have to carry on working, supporting myself etc but I am so so disappointed. I have probably told myself 100 times today "this will settle down, or I will adjust to it", that's about the only comfort I have right now.

Thanks for reading

 

[bill 112]

Hey RheaDon't let a spike dishearten you,it will eventually fade back down again given enough time and with a little patience from yourself.Dont let one spike ruin all your progress but maybe look at it as a positive bit of information.You now know that these levels of noise disagree with your ears so in future wear earplugs when in similar situations,it's nothing to be ashamed of.You know that you can go about your day without any problems and you should continue to do so without worrying all the time

 

[billie48]

Setbacks such as spikes are part of the game of habituation. You have accepted life with T, perhaps also mentally prepare for spikes so you won't fall back into the loop of spikes-anxiety-more spikes-more anxiety. When your anxiety level and stress comes down, T will usually settle to baseline. You have done so well lately. Give yourself credit instead of knocking yourself. We can't always tip toe around T. That is how it can always get on our nerves and we will be at the mercy of T. But of course, it is prudent to use plugs for really loud noises. Hope you will be fine soon. God bless.

 

[Samzen]

Well the good news is that you can adjust to it eventually. It may be tough and may take some time but it's definitely a possibility. Do everything you can to make the process easier, don't let yourself get to depressed or anxiety stricken. If you feel things are getting out of control get some professional help by seeing your doctor. We shouldn't let our emotional or mental state get too out of balance. This will only make habituation harder and take longer.

Also learn from this experience and from here on out put in place a solid protection plan. This is part of making progress with tinnitus. It's not just that we overcome it but that we learn to protect ourselves from further injury. Protect, protect, protect no matter what. Your health is number one priority.

 

[glynis]

Well done in getting to a better place in your life with lots of life changes.
Great confidence boost im sure.
I'm sure your spike will settle over the weekend so stay positive and happy....lots of love glynis

 

[PaulBe]

Don't forget that you are still living with a chronic disease process that needs to be managed. Don't challenge yourself thinking you are all better, when you aren't and shouldn't expect to be. Manage it sensibly, pay it the due it will demand of you, and next time there's one of those "Team Building everyone-gets-an-award events", smile and plug. Plug without shame or embarrassment or fear. If they are so into team building then they will understand and accept you for it. Just remember that while this small part of you doesn't work so good, the rest does. That's how I live my working life these days. You can't shush the room, but you can shush the room for just yourself, and no-one need know (and you have long, concealing hair). Talk more to Glynnis about still living life but knowing there are limits that have to be acknowledged. Sounds like you are on the road to what recovery really is for us and you are doing pretty well.

 

[ridgew]

I'm prepared to leave any job at anytime whenever there is a threat of getting T worse. I put the plugs or block my ears with fingers if there is no time to put plugs, then in case staring I explain that I have medical condtion related to ears and I can't tolerate loud noises. I don't ever tell that I have T unless they ask for details which they mostly never do.

No job is worth an increase in T as you will no longer be able to enjoy the fruits of your work.

 

[stacey]

I think you are extremely strong for taking a hold of your life the way you did and not continue to let T control you. I think it was a good idea to lay off the ear plugs and get used to the environment sounds. The spike you have is hopefully temporary!. Don't let it stop you.

 

[Bobby B]

I think you went from one extreme to another
There should be some balance when you have damaged inner ear

Also - I don't see plugs as being a negative thing . It's a waste of hair cells movement to have them vibrate with passing cars and just about any irrelevant noise.

Our ears don't need to hear that - in fact they weren't even designed to deal with that amount of noise you find In a big city

give your ear a rest and they should recover

 

[Gosia]

This spike will most probably settle down, but next time take precautions ..clapping is a one nasty sound. Funny, you went from the extreme , probably exaggerated protection to zero precautions ... that's a bit too cold - turkey there's no reason why you should not protect your hearing where the risk is obvious and you can still get hold of your life...If I were you I'd just tell my new colleagues that I have an ear condition and then just cover my ears when they clap without worrying that they will look at me like at an ET. I do that in front of a bunch of students at the university, I really don't care what ppl think and anyway, normally nobody will mock you if they know it's health related.. still, your story is in overall very positive come back to say how long the spike lasted before it settle cheers

 

[LeQuack]

That's how my life is lately as well.

 

[Tweaker]

Rhea

You've done well with your new job and all. I have horrid loud T and have sometimes thought I can't go on working but I've got a busy responsible job in an open plan office. You have to have realistic expectations though and let me explain how I manage at work.
There are still some situations I find difficult and that is when I will tell people at work. For example, if we go for a team lunch in the canteen where there are about 150 people talking, it is extremely loud. I stay only for a short while and leave. Sometimes we just hire a meeting room instead as they know I find it too loud in the canteen. If I never told anyone I would either suffer in silence (I wish - pardon the pun) or people would think I was just being unsociable.
I accept I have T and that some things I struggle with. I tell my colleagues that's the way it is for me. That is how I cope. I only tell people when a situation arises that I know I will find difficult. I dont go around telling everyone I have T but its important to let people know in certain situations. Just be open about it. It doesnt make you any less of an employee.

 

[PaulBe]

So, in short Rhea, continue to have confidence in yourself and put some trust in the decency those around you. Keep moving forward.

 

[Telis]

So does everyone with T have H?? It seems that most with T don't really feels comfortable around noise.

 

[Fangen]

Rhea,

I must say first of all, that I am amazed and very happy with the journey you have made. You did a lot of life changes to the better, to be happier and to live life again. I am proud that you stopped being afraid, felt better and stopped letting T dictate your life.
I am very sure that the noise wasn't as loud as you think it felt, and that the spike will settle soon. I sometimes get tired in my ears when there is a lot of people in the same room talking, and it feels like my ears are taking damage. But trust me, it is not harmful. It was only for 4 min, and even if it topped to 90 db, it is way under the time limit for being exposed to that level of db. So don't worry. It will pass. I've had a lot of scares and sudden exposures that I could not foresee, and it set me back mentally since I was so scared it was worse. But I got back to feeling better every time. Recently my T spiked up and got louder, not sure from what, but most likely TMJ related. But now I got used to the new sound and honestly, I don't feel it being so intrusive as it was when it changed. So regardless if you get a spike, new sound or any change at all (T is unfortunately very prone to change it is nature, well, you know better than me since you had it for 13 years!), you will bet back to being the awesome person you are.

Don't forget the big journey you've made, don't let that spike take all that away from you. I can tell you're a strong person, changing your life and living life. Don't feel discouraged!

Wish you the best!

 

[Hopeful1]

Hope your spike is now settled and you are doing good eith you new life!