Suicidal

Discussion in 'Support' started by jeremy06, Oct 14, 2018.

    1. Kriszti

      Kriszti Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      2016/2017/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      I just hate this and it seems to be typical that therapists think that we are suffering from tinnitus because we think we have "something serious" and a little pet in the back to reassure us that we are not in fact dying is good enough. No, I feel like shit and often suicidal because the noises drive me insane, the constant hyperawareness, the limitations have stolen my life away.

      Sorry for venting and also sorry for your experience.
       
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    2. AbeS

      AbeS Member

      Location:
      Sweden
      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise/headphones
      On the topic of things psychiatrists has said...

      The one I went to for some time asked me several times to describe my tinnitus, and the follow up question was always ”do you also hear voices?”.

      I later read in the journal that she had written something along the lines of ”it can't be ruled out that the patient is experiencing atypical hallucinations”.

      They also tried to convince me to start taking some antipsychotic medication. I asked about possible side effects on ears and hearing, and it was ”no, no problem.” Of course I looked it up when back home, and I found things like ear pain and tinnitus on reported side effects... thanks...
       
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    3. AnthonyMcDonald
      Confused

      AnthonyMcDonald Member

      Location:
      Russia
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2021
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise induced
      I'm so fucking sick of this being treated as a mental illness. My whole family tells me I need to "start living again" and "push through the pain" to start getting better. Pushing through the pain is what made me catastrophically worse and suicidal. They think not flushing the toilet is a mental illness and that I need to go do an MRI and it will solve all my problems.

      Some idiots (won't mention names) write about "overprotection" and that people can't get better unless they "go and live life" and that "normal noise won't damage you".

      It's fucking sad how clueless and dangerous advice of these "specialists" can be. I was prescribed a heavy antipsychotic in huge doses by some fucking idiot psychiatrist that made me marginally worse and my family told me I need to take it to control my "tinnitus reaction". It just made me worse.

      Basically fucked by doctors and horrible advice.

      The only thing that they say when I am suffering is that I need to call an ambulance and go to a psychiatric hospital to "rest" and be sedated. Then they continue living their life and forget I exist. I'm sick and tired of it.
       
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    4. Michael Leigh

      Michael Leigh Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Brighton, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      April /1996
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise induced
      Tinnitus is mostly mental and when it becomes severe and debilitating for someone it is treated as a mental illness and rightly so in my opinion, because of the impact it can have on a person's mental and emotional wellbeing. Depression and suicidal thoughts are not uncommon for such a person to experience. Therefore it is important their mental state is managed to try and prevent them reaching this stage. The sobering truth is, the only treatments currently available for severe tinnitus is counselling, sound therapy, various types of medication including antidepressants.

      Whilst some people are unwilling to take an antidepressant because they believe the tinnitus will increase, this is not always the case. It is true some antidepressants can spike tinnitus but usually this is temporary. If it should increase, switching to another type of medication maybe more suitable.

      When I say severe and debilitating tinnitus should be treated as a mental illness, especially when someone finds themselves getting depressed or having suicidal thoughts, I do not mean a psychiatrist or anyone else should look upon them as suffering from hallucinations due to the onset of Psychosis. This way of thinking is by those that are completely ignorant of tinnitus because they have no experience of it when it is severe. This is the reason I have repeatedly said, the only way to understand tinnitus is to have long term experience of it because it cannot be learnt from a book.

      The doctors you have consulted with are trying to help you and whilst they are specialists in their field of medicine alas, they are not tinnitus experts. They treat underlying medical problems that cause tinnitus but they don't treat the condition. If it becomes necessary for a person with severe tinnitus to be admitted into a psychiatric hospital because they are depressed or having suicidal thoughts, then I think medication is advisable and they should have counselling with a medical professional that has experience of living with tinnitus. This way they will have an understanding of what the patient is going through.

      Try and see an audiologist that specialises in tinnitus and hyperacusis management. Counselling, medication and sound therapy can improve your ability to manage tinnitus better.

      All the best,
      Michael
       
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    5. Stacken77
      Wishful

      Stacken77 Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Sweden
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise (likely headphones & cars), Acoustic trauma did me in
      You're maybe unaware of the context, but our friend here seems to spike permanently to sounds as low as swallowing. To even pursue counseling at this point would be counterproductive since the tinnitus would spike permanently to the low level sound. What should one do at that point? I think your piece of advice is very applicable to a case of severe, yet stable, case of tinnitus and or hyperacusis, but reactivity of this severity...? I'd say, since all other avenues are exhausted, the only option that remains are complete silence as to not worsen the tinnitus further. All other approaches seems like a shot in the dark.

      Wish you well,
      Stacken
       
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    6. AnthonyMcDonald
      Confused

      AnthonyMcDonald Member

      Location:
      Russia
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2021
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise induced
      Sound therapy is impossible due to catastrophic hyperacusis. Tinnitus is so catastrophic that it cannot be ignored or managed, and gets worse daily from every noise.
       
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    7. Michael Leigh

      Michael Leigh Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Brighton, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      April /1996
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise induced
      On the contrary. Properly administered sound therapy can be very effective in treating tinnitus and hyperacusis using white noise generators. I agree this may not be easy but I know it does work. When I first developed tinnitus 25 years ago, it was very severe and I also had severe hyperacusis. Both conditions were successfully treated using white noise generators with regular counselling as part of TRT.

      Treating tinnitus and hyperacusis is not easy especially when they are severe, but properly managed a lot can be achieved. Try not to think that nothing will help you because this is not the case. Please go to my started threads and read the following articles: New to Tinnitus, What to Do? The Habituation Process, Tinnitus and the Negative Mindset, Acquiring a Positive Mindset. Please click on the links below and read my posts.

      I wish you well,
      Michael

      Tinnitus, A Personal View | Tinnitus Talk Support Forum
      Hyperacusis, As I See It | Tinnitus Talk Support Forum
       
    8. Michael Leigh

      Michael Leigh Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Brighton, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      April /1996
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise induced
      Thank you for the information. I appreciate @AnthonyMcDonald is going through a lot of difficulty with tinnitus and hyperacusis and my advice is not to dismiss this. Therefore, what is the alternative? Should one sit and do nothing or try every means possible to get help? I hope he can because I know how debilitating tinnitus and hyperacusis can be. It took 4 years for me to habituate for the second time. There were days I got up had breakfast and went straight back to bed, pure misery. So know this, I have been there.

      I wish you well,
      Michael
       
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    9. Kriszti

      Kriszti Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      2016/2017/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      Would you say the same to a chronic pain patient?

      Have you heard of noxacusis for example? Do you think that is mental too?
       
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    10. volsung37

      volsung37 Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2014
      My story is one of hope and one of present despair.

      In 2014 I got pulsatile tinnitus from a viral source I think. I had never encountered anything like it and panicked. Couldn’t sleep for days. Eventually Promezathine gave me some sleep and recovery began.

      It took 10 months to clear the pulsatile tinnitus.

      Fast forward a few months to February 2016 and I become aware of ringing and tones in the ear. They get louder and more intrusive over the year. Black despair again. 2017 saw a bit of improvement with a few spikes into 2018.

      2019 more improvement. Hardly thought of the sound. 2020 likewise except for a brief spike brought on by loud noise. 2021 all good until on November 26 I eventually succumbed to getting covid vaccinated. No immediate effects then 8 days later BAM tones started to go haywhire. I can hear my heart constantly booming. Sleep impossible. I now take a range of drugs to sleep. Suicidal thoughts.

      So on the hopeful side tinnitus can disappear and your life become normal again.
      I didn’t know how easily it could return 10 fold. I will regret taking the pfizer vac to the end of my days. All I can hope for is that time again can reduce the pounding and screaming in my head.
       
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    11. Stacken77
      Wishful

      Stacken77 Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Sweden
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise (likely headphones & cars), Acoustic trauma did me in
      The advice of your family isn't right, but I think it comes from a good place. They feel completely powerless and are worried sick. They too go through the 5 stages of grief as we do.

      It took my family many months to finally realize the reality of my situation.
       
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    12. Michael Leigh

      Michael Leigh Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Brighton, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      April /1996
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise induced
      No I would not and I will explain below.
      I have heard of noxacusis and believe I once had it and it was successfully treated. My hyperacusis was so severe that when in conversation with anyone I had to ask them to please lower their voice as my ears were in acute pain.

      When I say tinnitus is mostly mental I do not mean the original cause of it stems from one's mind. In the case of noise induced tinnitus which is the most common cause of the condition, it is the cochlea within the ear that sends a distress signal to the brain that a problem has occurred. The brain interprets or changes this signal into tinnitus and it becomes an integral part of our mental and emotional wellbeing and cannot be separated from it.

      Whether a person's tinnitus is noise induced, pulsatile or caused by an underlying medical problem the effect it has on a person's mental and emotional wellbeing is the same. Therefore, it is important that this is managed. Hyperacusis can improve by itself or with professional treatment that requires the use of white noise generators and counselling.

      Michael
       
    13. AnthonyMcDonald
      Confused

      AnthonyMcDonald Member

      Location:
      Russia
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2021
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise induced
      How can I habituate to tinnitus that screeches louder and gets more tones from noises as low as walking or breathing? I get up to 50% increases in tinnitus volume daily, no matter how quiet I try to be. Something like rustling the sheet of my bed causes a permanent increase in my tinnitus volume. How can TRT help with that?

      Nothing I do helps or lowers the tinnitus volume, which is the only thing that will help me. I am way beyond the level of "distress" and "reacting". It's too loud to live. And I don't mean too loud like "I can hear it" everywhere, I mean too loud like it's 120+ decibels in volume and getting louder daily. I had severe tinnitus from the beginning, I could hear it everywhere but it was livable because it was stable. I did nothing and my distress went away eventually on its own.

      Now my tinnitus is so loud and my hyperacusis is so severe that I cannot continue to live. I cannot listen to even a flutter of a butterfly wing without getting a permanent increase in tinnitus loudness and hyperacusis.
       
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    14. Michael Leigh

      Michael Leigh Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Brighton, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      April /1996
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise induced
      You can start by looking at the positive things that you are able do in your life and not focus on the negative. The same as I did and everyone else that has endured severe tinnitus and hyperacusis. It is not easy but it all starts within your mind. Although you are having difficulty there no doubt about that, you are still able to write a comprehensive post which is something positive.

      If you are able to wash, clothe and feed yourself this is something positive as you have some level of independence. If you go to school or work for a living even part-time this is something positive. If you don't have be in bed all day due to the distressing noise of your tinnitus and hyperacusis, this is something positive, as it means that you haven't reached the stage where you are totally incapacitated.

      Look at what you can do and not at what you can't. Read the articles that I have suggested. If you focus on negativity that all you will see. Talk to an audiologist that specialises in tinnitus and hyperacusis management.

      Take care,
      Michael
       
    15. volsung37

      volsung37 Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2014
      Sleep is the most important for you at the moment. Take whatever you need to get at least 6 hours sleep.

      This will break your anxious thought pattern.

      Perhaps you will get a reduction in sound for a few hours.

      Then it's a matter of waiting it out.

      It will improve but may take months or years. It took me 10 months to get over pulsatile tinnitus and another two and a half to get over severe tonal tinnitus. I was in my 50s. You are much younger and your body will heal much more quickly.
       
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    16. Kriszti

      Kriszti Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      2016/2017/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      @Michael Leigh, I understood that you did not mean that it is psychological in origin, I just don't agree with you that our emotional reaction is the problem here. Also, I agree that the co-morbidities need to be addressed as well, but I would like to see a medical approach which considers tinnitus ‐ all the subtypes - as a medical condition instead of just treating the mental aspects of having tinnitus.

      It is not your fault, you cannot be up to date with everybody's medical complexities, but Anthony's condition is past the stage when "not focusing on the negative" is a solution. He cannot walk or breathe without spiking. It's not like he could go to school, work or even to an audiologist or have dubious TRT...
       
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    17. TheDanishGirl
      Sad

      TheDanishGirl Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Denmark
      Tinnitus Since:
      05/2017 (H since 06/2017)
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      long term noise exposure (headphones), maybe some stress.
      Do you mean got over it as in habituation or actual reduction of volume/number of tones? I am 35 and almost 5 years into this and my tinnitus has grown a lot in tones and much worse hyperacusis. No healing for me at all.
       
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    18. Wrfortiscue
      Probing

      Wrfortiscue Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      1999
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Trauma
      Unfortunately no one cares about tinnitus and probably never will.
       
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    19. volsung37

      volsung37 Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2014
      I am sorry to hear that Danish Girl.

      I can only speak from my own experience of what worked for me. I found initially knowing I had a haven of sleep helped get through the days. I was lucky twice in that the pulsatile tinnitus disappeared after 10 months and the tonal tinnitus after 2amd a half years. It will not be the same for everyone.

      I am back to square 1 now with both pulsatile and tonal tinnitus at the same time. Time might not work for me a third time.

      However, yesterday I was suicidal. I managed to get 6 hours sleep. Woke up refreshed and even though I still heard some sounds they were reduced.

      Right now I am hearing loud banging of my heart.

      I will take some wine and try and get a couple of hours sleep.

      I wrote a few years ago that every day is a step further towards death, a cure or habituation. Good luck
       
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    20. Michael Leigh

      Michael Leigh Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Brighton, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      April /1996
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise induced
      You are entitled to your opinion. I have given some suggestions to @AnthonyMcDonald and hope that he is able to follow them some day.

      Goodbye and I wish you well.

      Michael
       
    21. Wrfortiscue
      Probing

      Wrfortiscue Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      1999
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Trauma
      Emotional reactions and positivity can only do so much.
       
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    22. Michael Leigh

      Michael Leigh Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Brighton, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      April /1996
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise induced
      True, but they are a start. Taking one step at a time a person's belief and confidence becomes stronger with positive thinking. It is a process that takes time and not something that happens quickly.
       
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    23. Óscar PP

      Óscar PP Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      Nov 2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Coronavirus
      You take it along with Gabapentin, right? What effects do these two combined have on your tinnitus sounds?
       
    24. AliasM
      Depressed

      AliasM Member

      Location:
      Australia
      Tinnitus Since:
      September 2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Botched lumbar puncture, CSF leak.
      Every single night. It doesn't randomly get loud, it' always loud and incredibly intrusive, even in my sleep. The metallic sounds are the worst and slice my brain through the night. My tinnitus sounds are all over the brain, top, back, sides... not just ears. The sounds that have been waking me most in the night are the metallic chimes over the back of my head and static pulsating on the entire left side of my head.

      Against my better judgement I had my first Pfizer dose 2 weeks ago and my T spinked within 24 hours and hasn't improved. I knew I shouldn't have got it but I was bullied into it.

      I agree with whoever said above that everything in life is perfect apart from this noise. I have everything in life I could want, but because of his noise I have to die. I am suffering so terribly. It's grossly unfair.
       
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    25. volsung37

      volsung37 Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2014
      If I could time travel back to the hospital where I took the Pfizer jab a month or so ago I would do it in a heartbeat.

      But here I am stuck with pulsatile and tonal tinnitus.

      I hope you find relief. I was able to beat tinnitus twice before.

      Unfortunately when you get rid of tinnitus you don’t even want to see the name mentioned so I didn’t check back here re the vaccine. If I had have done there were plenty of negative reports on the threads. Just reading one of them would have stopped me going ahead.
       
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    26. AbeS

      AbeS Member

      Location:
      Sweden
      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise/headphones
      Your situation sounds horrible, I'm so sorry.

      I am fortunate to have understanding parents. Of course they can't understand what I'm going through but they don't show any annoyance and really believes me when I say that many low sounds hurts my ears.

      I also tried to ”push through the pain” and to not be afraid of everyday sound and it made me permanently worse.
       
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    27. LilCC

      LilCC Member

      Location:
      Florida, U.S
      Tinnitus Since:
      11/20/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Exposure to loud noises
      I miss being able to workout and listen to music and go to music festivals, it was my escape from reality and the hardships of life. Not only can’t I do that, but I’m also stuck with a bunch of different conditions, for one I have chronic shoulder pain that prevents me from working out, this was due to an injury. I also have always suffered from severe anxiety.

      I just developed pulsatile tinnitus, and also TTTS, on top of my tinnitus and hyperacusis and noxacusis. Recently my noxacusis has improved a bit, I was able to go on dates again, which has always been a huge part of my life. Dating has always been easy for me and it’s something I’m good at, but I hate having to explain my condition to people. Recently I was growing fond of this girl, and we had a crazy 1 week of amazing adventures and you know what. She out of nowhere said this wouldn’t work out, which crushed me a bit I guess. Anyways I miss being able to go for a jog or listen to music after a heart break or whatever inconvenience I had from life, I can’t even do that anymore.

      I swear the only good thing going for me is that I can just keep dating random girls whenever. I literally have nothing else going for myself. I have shit health, live with my parents and have (currently) no job. I hate to sound so superficial, but sex is literally the only thing I look forward to, and honestly the only thing keeping me alive. The random hook ups from dating apps let me escape my reality for a little bit and provide me with a big high. It’s an addiction now. It’s probably not healthy, and I do eventually want to settle down, but not sure if someone is going to be able to support all these conditions in the long run.

      For now I just sleep around, and keep getting my highs while they last, when the moment comes that I can’t get that anymore, I’ll probably end it all.

      Random rant, but didn’t know where else to reach out to. Thanks for listening...
       
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    28. Lurius
      Wishful

      Lurius Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Oslo, Norway
      Tinnitus Since:
      September 2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Valsalva maneuver
      I think ranting like this is very healthy as long as you don't overindulge and also being completely honest about your needs and wants is something more people should be doing. Less shame, more honesty and touching base with reality. I understand you well, man, I hope you can escape in a better way soon.
       
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    29. SB1981

      SB1981 Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Multifactorial
      It’s definitely defeating when the complications keep getting tacked on. I started with tinnitus and hyperacusis that turned more into noxacusis. I then developed pulsatile tinnitus and random clicking in my right ear after a surgery, periodic TTTS, ETD related issues.

      It makes it hard to hold onto the hopes of treatments because we have so many things that need addressed that likely will not be addressed by the upcoming options. While Susan Shore’s device lowering tinnitus or even eliminating it would be great, noxacusis is so much more of a problem for me.
       
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    30. LilCC

      LilCC Member

      Location:
      Florida, U.S
      Tinnitus Since:
      11/20/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Exposure to loud noises
      @Lurius, yes, I hope I can escape this reality in a different way, as I don’t think a sex addiction is going to really help me in the long term. I do what I can to survive for now :/

      @SB1981, and that is what makes me feel so much like shit, it’s literally problem after problem. Seems like a fucked up cycle where a new condition rises, making it extremely hard to want to keep on going :(
       
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