Suicidal

Btw, my t is f***ing insane right now. As in volume and perceived numbers of tones. Again, it *seems* like the tones are external as well as internal. Does that make sense? I guess if a person with undamaged ears hears cicadas outside? That's kinda what it seems like to me but I know that's my defective brain/ears.

My left ear is in a lot of pain too. Is there ever going to be a leak of info regarding the research trials or anything? I f***ing hate each waking day.

 

I do still take it orally as well. Like I said nothing special.

 

I got a full spectrum one, 50 mg/ml. Doesn’t do much of anything for me to be honest. Got it from a reputable company too. There are websites which will advise how much is a good amount to take based on your height and weight.

In general you want to stick to reputable brands that publish lab reports and make sure the mg/ml are only for CBD. Often companies use fillers like hemp oil and count them into the mg’s making it seem stronger that what you’re buying.

I’d say don’t do full spectrum if you have tinnitus concerns. The THC content is minuscule but not worth the risk.

 

Sonus Complete might be getting sued by an audiology clinic. I gave them their info to see they'll do.

I'd be nice if I can watch a second ecommerce scam burn to the ground. It's amazing how when people speak up things happen.

 

I really enjoyed this community. It was fucking awesome getting to be the bad boy on the tinnitus forum.

 

I want to stay alive here to watch Sonus Complete burn.


They are going to burn. While the normies go about their day jobs and normie things I watch scammers burn to the ground.

 

Hi all,

I am very sorry to disturb you with another post like this, but I just can't let go of the suicidal thoughts 24/7.

I have tinnitus in my right ear combined with the clock sound in my head. The tinnitus is 2 fold: a cricket sound and a high pitch noise, but it is not as much in the ear as it feels like it is in the head.

I have tried so far:

- ENT visits + Betaserc
- neurologist visit + Amitriptyline for sleep (little to no help)
- ginkgo, magnesium, various calming pills, CBD oil
- melatonin (no help)
- zopiclone (does help to sleep)

Got mirtazapine prescribed, but terrified at the possibility of side effects.

My tinnitus is self induced. Every second I dream to go back in time trying to revert this horror.

I am thinking about taking my life 24/7. Feeling extremely restless all the time.

I am afraid to kill myself either, as I do not know what will happen afterwards and I do not want my loved ones to suffer.

I'm 3 weeks into this. My harm is caused by viagra and stress. I'm convinced that it made some damage to my brain and that this is the cause of my tinnitus and the clock sound. I'm terrified it is permanent.

I'm begging you for any reassurance you can give me. I'm so exhausted and planning to hang myself soon.

Please, anyone who's been through this, can you please help me.

 

I'm really sorry that you're going through this. I guess, that most of us been there.

Tinnitus in the first months are an unbelievable torture and induces a flight or fight mode 24/7. But you are very early in (I know you don't feel like it, I didn't either when I was sleeping 1-3 hours a night in pieces), there are a very good chance that your symptoms will lessen and you don't end up hearing these sounds that you are currently hearing. You need to keep holding on. When this started I was suicidal just as you 24/7, looking up methods, mentally preparing suicide notes. Not gonna lie, I still have those feelings (Apparently I'm still in this thread...), but to a much, much lesser degree. Now sometimes I have good days and bad ones. You need to give it time.

If the other option is suicide, I would try the mirtazipine, you need to calm down as much as possible, and what I deem to be the most important, sleep. I wasn't sleeping for around 5 months and it was beyond horrible, I still don't know how I survived that period, but somehow after having tried everything, it got better.

Stop blaming yourself, it's not your fault and it's futile.

I didn't have the clock sound, but I had constant thumping in my ear and vibrating and so on, this terminated when my overall mood improved.

Please, try to hold on.

 

Is there any information from Frequency Therapeutics FX-322 that outlines how it will (or could?) help tinnitus sufferers? Or is it just a pipe dream? I guess I should check out the related section but I bet a lot of people either participating or following this thread is desperate for a real treatment that can significantly improve (reduce) tinnitus volume and severity.

 

I have not written since 1/29/2020 on here. I rarely look on here anymore. I just don't want to concentrate on it, because then it seems louder for a few days. Some where around then I was talking to a guy that had a bull dance on his skull, and got tinnitus. He said it was just another noise in his head. He had had this many years.

For a few months I have been sleeping. I have been as happy as I was before T. It just became a part of my everyday life somehow. Ya, it bugs me, but so does getting older (65 now). I don't have to push to do things anymore, I'm not suicidal. Life is back to normal in most respects. I even crank up the radio at times. (mine did not come from sound, it just came out of the blue 2/06/2019). I try and not focus on the bad parts, nothing I can do anyway. Maybe it was learning meditation, which I now rarely do. But in meditation the goal seems to be to meditate whether or not you have intrusive thoughts, in fact the intrusive thoughts are part of it. There, you have a thought, and you just let it go, don't focus on it, don't feed it, let it be. My tinnitus is there 24 7, and loud. I went to a free consultation for tinnitus. Went back a few times. The hearing aid instrument board certified tech said she had been doing this for 8 years, and mine was the worst. Finally I am number 1 in something. I hear it above everything, all the time. (I did not buy hearing aids, I did not get a sound generator, why would I want another noise in my head?)

All I can say is try to live with it for a while. It probably will not go away, but it may become normal for you, just another noise in your head.

Peace.

 

If it's any consolation I am on Mirtazapine and it helped me tremendously with sleeping and overall depression/anxiety improved too. I haven't suffered any side effects and I think it is generally considered to be very low risk in terms of ototoxicity. I'm just going to echo the advice others have given you - please hang on. I suffered a setback at the end of last year and it was hellish for a good 2-3 months constant suicidal ideation and hopelessness. Fast forward another 3-4 months and I am 90% recovered. I know how soul-crushing it can feel when you're in the thick of it but the chances are it will get vastly better. A day at a time.

 

Thank you. I have just taken 7.5mg of mirtazapine and waiting. I hope it'll do something.

I have had such a great life and now everything is shattered. I feel like I will have to pull the plug soon, but my loved ones will be deeply hurt.

I so much want to hope I will get better. I'm afraid that I have a permanent damage and it will just stay like that.

 

Still wondering why tones suddenly go more insane than usual. I mean, with no apparent cause. It's worse when one ear is in severe pain and I can't get opioids for it.

 

There is usually a reason.
A fire truck siren back in May...delayed response etc. Dont think that if u didnt get a spike immediately after exposure, that u are home safe.

Also I have a question for you.
Do you ever fear of a fire alarm in your building going off?
I mean for us with severe T, even hearing protection may not be sufficient, and there is still that 2 second response time.

 

Yes. Every. F***ing. Day.

But, what can I do? It's already gone off once since I got tinnitus. I put on my muffs but yeah, I probably was exposed for 1 - 2 seconds at least.

 

Bill Bauer is right about free markets leading to success. Government regulation does hold back the progress of biological sciences. I wonder what would happen if computer chips were as heavily Government regulated?

We wouldn't have computers.

 

A lot of people say Kratom works as well as opioids.

 

Delayed response is usually worse than having pain right after sound exposure.

 

My experience with Mirtazapine is good. As @serendipity1996 said it helped with sleep and depression/anxiety.

If it weren't for this new high pitch which took me back to square one, I would be in much better place with my old tinnitus than before Mirtazapine...

 

Valeri, the new high pitch is from the bottle dropping on the floor a few months back?

 

HI all, been on mirtazapine for 4 days and it helps to sleep normally. No drowsiness in the morning. Suicidal thoughts did subside a little. I do however want to taper off as soon as I've habituated.

 

I think it is! It started very faintly back in November when it happened and it just progressively got worse.
Now it’s a clearly audible high pitch.
It just proves that these “small” noise incidents are not always innocent.
But who can possibly avoid them...

 

Don’t put that pressure on yourself, be grateful it helps.
Time will tell you what to do.

 

Constantly thinking about ending it this past week, to escape the mental torture.

It's 3rd year and I feel enough is enough, dealing with this shit is beyond my capability.

The only thing that worries me is failing to commit suicide. I guess you have heard it all before but I'm jealous of the ones who escaped this.

I'm desperate for peace.

None of the future research look promising, I don't even believe Shore's device is going to do it and I was a believer, it's such a fckg miserable existence,my head is drowned in noise, I'm sick of wearing fckg hearing aids just to aid the insult of living.

Bedtime is becoming unbearable, the noise is so loud, I relish an escape from this. I've had enough.

 

I feel the same, constantly thinking about ending it too, and on my third year with this. I can't deal with this much longer than I already have. My only fear is failing. I'm so desperate for peace.

 

I feel the same, I'm really sorry you're going through this pain. Please don't blame yourself, I've done that too but it isn't your fault. You didn't ask for this.
I would try to wait a bit longer before doing something permanent and see if there is any improvement. I feel like I will have to pull the plug soon too, I feel like I have no other option. I feel sorry for my loved ones too. I feel so bad for my parents. But I can't take this much longer.

 

@acute

I hear you! I’m just coming to terms with what this means..
I don’t want to just exist but that’s the fkn extent of it I fear..
I honestly can’t see me being on this earth in the next 6mths..
I want a firearm but they are so hard to get where I live..

 

@LongWait
3yrs...? I’m 3rd week and the same. There’s no cure, no chance of recovery! This has stripped everything from me - I’m 45, broke, live with my parents and unable to function.. Grappling with this hand I’ve been dealt but can’t see me being here in 6mths..
How remains the ultimate question..