Suicidal

That ENT should suffer from Tinnitus for years for that comment! I've actually stopped allowing people without tinnitus to define my pain. I know my tinnitus can be "mild"; but my pain is not.

You're not harsh on him. You got the totally right idea. What a total asshole that ENT was.

 

I made my awareness video:
‘Dave’s Tinnitus Story’
to try to get ordinary people (including my wife and kids) to understand just what degree of noise we have to cope with.
It was very traumatic for me to admit and expose my predicament even to myself.
I put the shaver comparison in there as the example is absolutely true.
If you watch my face, listen to my voice, you will see that I came very close to cracking up.
I did breakdown but I insisted it be left off the film.

I hope I managed to get through to people, but of course I am very aware that they may feel some empathy for us, but five minutes later can walk away and forget about it for the rest of their lives.
In the meantime, we, my lovely injured friends, are stuck.

I had hoped that more Tinnitus Talk members would come out and do a similar thing, but having ‘put myself through the mangle’ I don’t really blame anybody for avoiding the trauma.

Love to everybody

Dave xx
Jazzer

 

A lot of us here do this. Hold on

 

Wow, that's horrible. At least if I was told that I could bounce back with several things (including a condition that causes (benign) tumour growth). There is no way to compare suffering. Cancer is horrible, so is having to adjust everything in your life and having to let go of many simple things because of tinnitus.

I wish mine was just a slight ringing in silence, but even that is hard to deal with (my friends with that kind of mild tinnitus also really struggle with it, so go figure what it's like for us off worse)

 

Yeah. I think.... we surely can somehow adjust to this and carry on living and enjoy what we can, right? I mean, as much as want silence, suicide is such a last resort.

I have been reading about people who actually did it, the news reports and few members here. I totally understand them and it breaks my heart to see that, especially as I can relate to this so much.

But at the other hand, there are so many success stories from people who habituate well and carry on with their lives.

 

There's no habituation to something like severe hyperacusis. It impairs your life greatly. In ALL areas, whether you want it or not. Not something you can just get used to.

Suicide is LAST resort... should be it... and that's where I am at. I have no other ideas left and this life is not something I can take much longer.

 

Could totally habituate if my tinnitus wasn't as loud most of the time, and didn't fluctuate by the hour. There's a lot I've stopped enjoying as a result of the loudness/intrusiveness of my tinnitus unfortunately, and many of these things were my ways to cope with life in general. So it's a tough thing.

That said it's still pretty early days for both of us (or so everyone says) and many people report getting better months past the stage you and I are at respectively, so who knows. Just wish I got to enjoy more of my youth.

 

I know @TheDanishGirl, I totally understand you. I know this word is overhyped. It's rather just coping. But there's also always something that prevents most of us from taking the step. Some sort of hope I believe.

 

There is another beautiful life lost to this monster:

https://www.portsmouth.co.uk/news/p...ent-took-her-own-life-halls-residence-2909345

 

When they do it, they never determine tinnitus as the cause. Coroners record unknown or 'mental illness."

 

I am feeling depressed other than my loud tinnitus problem. Family health problem. I am already alone and feel alone. I guess it will make my tinnitus worse or I won't have a chance at 'positive' fluctuation whatever that would be.

 

If I commit suicide, not only will the tinnitus be gone but I won't be feeling this depression about my family situation anymore so it's a win-win.

 

To Johan001:

Thanks very much for this latest report on a suicide resulting from this condition. It is very curious that on numerous occasions the British Media has been honest enough to report these devastating consequences whereas the American Media never runs such notices.

How many of these tragic reports does the Medical Community have to be made aware of before they recognize the huge imperative for research and treatment?

 

I may be the next one @DaveFromChicago every time I'm waking up in panic to the jet engine sound in my head I'm thinking, this is it, I can't bear it any more.

I know people will deem you "weak" if you do this, but this is just beyond what a human being can endure.

I had a chat with my girlfriend who is caring but also pushing me to "toughen up". Her friend said it looks like I'm asking too much for sympathy and complain too much and need to be a man, saying nothing in life is easy and giving an example of her overcoming illnesses. As much as I understand it from an outsider's perspective, this just breaks my heart. I have overcome lots of illnesses and spent lots of times in hospitals as a child and in my teens. I never complained back then.

This time it's a different story. Of course, I will be weak if I pull the plug, I'm certain my family and friends will feel that too, this holds me back a little, as I know some people survive severe tinnitus and carry on living. I may be one of them if I survive this.

I woke up in panic today to a raging jet engine tinnitus. I actually want to die to stop it all.

 

So sad.
Another beautiful life lost to the tragedy of tinnitus.
Almost nobody understands - except us folks - who still look normal - while suffering like hell.

 

Johan, you describe the sound as a jet engine, so I guess, it's low frequency and vibrating. Does it happen to stop if you plug your ears or cover your ears really tightly?

 

Hi Pete... I feel ya on this one. My tinnitus is so bad, the only way I can sleep, I have to rely on sleeping pills. My heart goes out to you, but please try some of the things that the forum has to offer. It's horrible that we all are going through this nightmare. I'm not gonna give up, but, I am open to any help I can get. To say my life is a living hell, is putting it mildly/ God bless you.

 

This type of rhetoric is beyond frustrating indeed and it is just one more reason (as if we need any more), why severe tinnitus is quite possibly the worst thing that can happen to a human being.

Take the toughest person on this planet, torture them with the most horrible 24/7 sounds they can imagine (so they can't sleep and relax) and I promise you that they will have a mental breakdown within one week.
Now tell them this is for the rest of their life and they will beg you to kill them.

It is very easy for a well rested person to tell you their "suffering" story about the time they had a knee surgery and had to spend 10 days in the hospital in pain (for which they received pain killers and which they knew was going away at some point)

Those people speak out of ignorance, as they have no point of reference for this horrid condition.
They don't understand how a sound inside your head can destroy everything you ever worked for in the matter of weeks, including relationships with friends and family.
They don't understand what lack of sleep with no way to relax will do to you mentally and physically.

They also don't understand the surreal irony of a hopeless situation, in which those whom are actually supposed to help you, are making jokes at your expense instead, while telling you to "learn to live with it".

 

Indeed Harley. The worst thing I have heard was "he's a grown man not a boy, should be tough". Basically I'm being critised for "still" being negative after 6 weeks of the onset.

 

Hi Kriszti, nothing changes it. Neither ear plugs nor just closing the ears. I also hear a clock ticking sound inside my head in addition.

 

After fifteen years of this unrelenting shit (screamingly loud tinnitus blasting 24/7 from my left ear), I have finally have enough.

 

The person whom said this to you would of course start singing a very different tune rather quickly, if they got what you have.
Sometimes ignorance is a bliss I suppose.

 

I'm sorry, I thought that you may have something similar to my recurring tinnitus.

And don't pay attention to anyone who says you are weak. You are not. This is not normal to have unrelenting sounds blasting at us all the time. People can't just accept that it's a serious condition, and try to persuade themselves that X time is enough for anyone to get used to it or heal. They just don't know what they are talking about.

If this was put on us by other people as a punishment, it would be considered torture and a serious human rights violation.

 

Update on the above: first thanks to those who read and responded. I truly appreciate it.

The good news is I have a new post to go to with my internal employer. It was supposed to have started by now, but someone (not me) messed up the security clearances, so I'm still on furlough on reduced pay. But I will definitely be starting this new role very soon, and so my financial future is not in jeopardy any more.

I've been using the furlough time to catch up on sleep (always challenging as we all know, but easier when can crash out for an occasional afternoon nap). Also odd jobs around the house, training, helping with family chores, and we have bought new bikes with the holiday money we would have spent flying from Scotland to the US this year, which due to COVID-19 we have cancelled.

I'm thankful that my dark thoughts only come along every now and again, but hopeful for the future and keeping everyone on this thread in my thoughts and prayers.

 

Wish I could enjoy several of these, but I can't due to floaters and other visual disturbances (which is worst in sunshine and looking at the sky), and hyperacusis (songs and laughter).

 

I know I thought about that after reading it through the second time. For example some of the music I used to enjoy the most is impossible to experience in the same way today.

The bottom line always applies though.

 

Sometimes I wish everyone in this thread could just meet up and do a gigantic group hug. I'm so sorry for all of you, nobody deserves this.

 

You are right about that. I want to try my best to find just a tad bit of enjoyment during these utter miserable days whether being able to gather my thoughts and read a book maybe 15 minutes, a good meal, watching a good movie (with the sound on very low volume). I just feel I fall short at this point... it's so hard this life. It's so inhumanely hard!

 

Exactly how I feel always. I just want to reach through the screen and give you all a heartfelt compassionate deep hug (and let's face it, a bit of it is selfish... I need it just as much myself)