Suicidal

Discussion in 'Support' started by jeremy06, Oct 14, 2018.

    1. Orions Pain
      Dreaming

      Orions Pain Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud music
      Yeah CBD oil didn’t really do much. I played around with doses and either I didn’t feel a thing or it made me super sleepy.

      Curcumin too but when I was taking it it was without pepper so maybe I’ll have to try that.
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    2. Orions Pain
      Dreaming

      Orions Pain Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud music
      @FGG

      Very helpful and informative, thank you!
       
      • Friendly Friendly x 1
    3. ShaunR

      ShaunR Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      June 2004
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Concert + Motorbike
      I'm giving myself another year to improve, then I'm checking out.

      I'm only 2 months into what I think is hyperacusis and I've already had enough. Constant jaw pain and fullness is already too much.
       
    4. Drewski
      Approved

      Drewski Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      27/6/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      @PeteJ
      I am where you are at. This is not a life. Plus I have extreme chronic back pain previous to tinnitus. In my country, it is impossible to get a firearm and if it were not the case it would be over as of now.
      Seriously considering other options.
      I go to bed each night wishing and hoping not to wake up.
      What country are you in?
       
    5. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      Canada. You?

      I have chronic pain too (that I don't want to elaborate on) BESIDES frequent ear pain. I don't know exactly what the ear pain is from. Probably a combination of TMJ and acoustic traumas that 'injure' my ear.

      The tinnitus is the worst though because it's constant. I avoid reading personal experiences and anecdotes of people who mention their tinnitus fluctuates or goes away periodically since it really depresses me.

      My tinnitus is always loud. The only question is the degree and the constant spikes but the latest spike was from a loud truck.

      Tinnitus is a constant torture kinda like in movies in which the guy in a basement is forced to listen to constant sirens. Except for me, it's ongoing and real life.
       
      • Agree Agree x 3
    6. bobvann
      Cheeky

      bobvann Member

      Location:
      Inside the vortex
      Tinnitus Since:
      April 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud shit
      Same with my wife. She was prescribed it for her facial nerve pain. She was in a fog and had hallucinated shrimp dancing in their bowl. This was on a lower dosage...
       
    7. Drewski
      Approved

      Drewski Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      27/6/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      @PeteJ
      Australian!

      If it was just a light switch on the wall how great it’d be... just flick the switch and over. If I lived in Canada it’d be a short drive across the border and obtain a firearm in the US if I it were me... definite and instant!
      I hear/see people who have died in the news ect and am envious of them..

      This is not a life...
       
      • Hug Hug x 2
    8. FGG
      No Mood

      FGG Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Hall of Fame Advocate

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Multi-factorial
      Interesting. Those were actually similar to my symptoms, complete brain fog and seeing hallucinations (like bears in passenger seats of cars when they were actually dogs).
       
      • Funny Funny x 2
      • Informative Informative x 1
    9. Shizune
      Terrified

      Shizune Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      H: 6/2020 T: 7/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Chemical exposure, made worse with benzo withdrawal
      Same. No idea if these new treatments will even do anything for hyperacusis, but I'm giving it a year or two max and then, if there's nothing, I'm out. Life's an absolute joke.
       
      • Hug Hug x 2
    10. Drewski
      Approved

      Drewski Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      27/6/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      @PeteJ
      Pretty simple... Just don’t eat or drink anything starting now. 5-6 weeks you shut your eyes and don’t wake up...

      I’m only 3 months in - if not improved at 6, that’s my plan.
       
    11. BrStan79

      BrStan79 Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      1999
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise Induced
      My Last Letter To All The People With Tinnitus

      Hi Dear Friends,

      I am already planing my suicide. One year ago after MRI my tinnitus worsened and since then I have been disabled. One month ago the tinnitus worsened further. I have had tinnitus for 20 years that gradually became unbearable. I have 2 types of tinnitus, one is noise induced and the other is from Trigeminal Neuralgia. Both of them not treatable.

      I would like to say thank you to the people that created Tinnitus Talk. They have done more than any doctor or scientist.

      This condition was never taken seriously and this is our own fault. If any of us with tinnitus including me was fighting for a cure, some of us wouldn't have to kill ourselves and leave our families and all the lovely people we know devastated.

      Remember if you want your voice to be heard you need to shout. Let everyone know how badly you are struggling. Use social media, use YouTube, create videos of how bad tinnitus can be.

      If every person with tinnitus made their own video "Tinnitus - My Story", do you know how much awareness you would be creating?

      Make the people who don't have a clue about tinnitus understand what you are going through.

      Why do you suffer in silence? Does it not make you feel bad that there is a pill for everything but tinnitus? Are you not tired to be scared of every noise that can make it worse? You are not helping yourself this way. You need to be proactive. If every person with tinnitus let the world know how bad it is then things would be different.

      If you happen to read this, you have the power to change things. You have the power to save lives. Don't just get better and go on with your life as there is no guarantee that down the line you won't be exposed to dangerous levels of noise or ototoxic substances or have head or neck injury and your tinnitus misery will start again. And because you had not been proactive, you did not donate to research, you did not advocate, and so when you come back to Tinnitus Talk you will find that nothing has changed in the tinnitus field. Welcome to the tinnitus hell again.

      My last wish is to the people who are managing Tinnitus Talk to ask new and existing members if they feel comfortable creating short videos of what caused their tinnitus, how does it sounds, how they feel about it and what their doctor recommends.

      My final words:

      If there were more awareness of tinnitus, my story and many more could have been different. My son is 2 years old and my daughter is 16 years old. They could have still enjoyed their lives with their father. If you don't want that to be your story or someone else's, please protect your ears, donate for research, advocate, create awareness.

      If all of us gave something from ourselves, we could change that "nothing could be done, go and learn to live with it".

      I will now go and donate and after that I will create "Tinnitus - My Story" video.

      I will then take my own life to stop this torture.

      Son, daughter, wife, mother, please forgive me.
       
      • Hug Hug x 22
      • Friendly Friendly x 1
    12. Tanni
      Twisted

      Tanni Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      October 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      ???
      Hi BrStan,

      Looking forward to seeing your video! Once you've made it, upload it here and stick around to discuss it. You may find that some people have had a similar journey and can relate.
       
      • Funny Funny x 1
    13. Jazzer

      Jazzer Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      1/1995
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise
      Oh Stan
      I understand completely.
      As you may know, I made a video
      ‘Dave’s Tinnitus Story’
      - and decided I must be brutally honest.
      I was criticised in some quarters for not offering a solution or a treatment - for being ‘negative.’

      Us severe sufferers ‘know’ there is nothing to help us - no treatment - no cure.
      Somehow - only by means of deep meditation - I have just about managed to keep going for over six years now.
      It is sheer ‘hell on earth’ but still I try to keep going.
      I now have Parkinson’s disease, which can be an extension of tinnitus.
      I have learnt that our ears are a soft gateway to all other neurological diseases.
      Selfishly, I wish you would stick around to keep speaking up about this hateful f#€£ing’ SHIT, but I understand you so well, and envy your determination.
      With love and understanding my brother,
      Dave xx
      Jazzer
       
      • Like Like x 3
      • Agree Agree x 3
      • Hug Hug x 3
    14. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      I already explained that no one will listen. People can post on social media all day, all they want.

      I challenge anyone on this site to prove me wrong.

      People don't listen. You need to find doctors and researchers to speak for us. Governments and the health industry don't listen to tinnitus sufferers. There is nothing physical that you can show someone. You can't show an X-Ray of your tinnitus. Only researchers or those who have accreditation in a medical field and BELIEVE US can do anything - that is, in theory - they should have the potential to help.

      I am sorry for your pain. I don't have your experience but I have those feelings of stopping the tinnitus permanently even if that means suicide.
       
      • Hug Hug x 2
    15. Christiaan
      Vegged out

      Christiaan Member Podcast Patron Benefactor

      Location:
      The Hague, the Netherlands
      Tinnitus Since:
      2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Bloody headphones in 2016,worsened in 2020
      I feel for you @BrStan79. It breaks my heart to read that you need to leave your family behind in order to relieve yourself of all the pain and suffering. This disorder is so cruel it should not even exist. Your words mean very much to me and I will make a video to help the cause, even if it helps just a little. I really do hope you can stick around for a while. There are many things in the pipeline, and some will be on the market in a year or two, and maybe, just maybe, it might help you do get your life on track. All the best, Christiaan
       
      • Agree Agree x 4
      • Like Like x 3
      • Winner Winner x 1
      • Friendly Friendly x 1
    16. asey20
      Curious

      asey20 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Toronto
      Tinnitus Since:
      July 13, 2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Not sure.
      This thread scares me. I don't check it often but sometimes I make the mistake of going back here. I just stopped thinking about this topic for a week and was feeling better and now I'm starting to think about this again.

      I'm not going to lie. I thought my life wasn't great before but I realized I had many great experiences and would go back in a heartbeat to how I felt before. I have a lot of health anxiety issues and things I don't like about my body. I truly feel like life hasn't treated me fairly in this regard.

      Really tho, things were great last year and were really turning up. I traveled. I got a girlfriend. I thought the same would happen this year, but then COVID-19 happened. And then my girlfriend broke up with me. I was heartbroken for months. I thought this was the worst. I was wrong. It just kept getting worse.

      I started getting headaches at one point and that's when my health anxiety, which was under control for years, started off again. Except much worse. One symptom led to another, which led to another and now I'm here. Out of all the things I've experienced though, tinnitus is the one thing I would like to go away completely at some point. And yes, I do also have visual snow, but for some reason I just don't give a shit about it.

      The worst thing that happened was having to take my mom to the emergency because she wasn't acting like herself. If the world knew one way to absolutely destroy me then it sure decided to do it. It turned out she had a brain tumour, which came from breast cancer. Now there is good news to this story as well, however I absolutely lost it. I think I became psychotic. My whole perception of life and what I expected for the future was ruined.

      I never expected life to be fair, but I never thought it would destroy me like this. I became so depressed. I am still struggling with it. But things are getting better and I'll make another post somewhere about the good news in my life soon.

      I just wish it was never like this. I wish that what I thought about happening in the future was true. And even though I'm getting better, this topic still crosses my mind sometimes. I think about what if this gets worse and I can't bear it anymore. I really hope there is meaningful treatments in the future and I hold up until then. I want to get my life together and live happily. I'm still scared though, but I hope I make it.

      I just wanted to share since I've been thinking about this topic again. I hope I don't reach that point.

      Thanks for whoever listened. :huganimation::thankyousign:
       
      • Hug Hug x 20
    17. Tanni
      Twisted

      Tanni Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      October 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      ???
      We are always here to listen @asey20. I'm sorry to hear that you have had such a hard time and I hope your mother makes a full recovery.

      Tinnitus has many ups and downs early on so please don't be despondent if you are having a bad week with it. The fact that you were feeling better previously is excellent progress -- please hold on to this.

      I know it is hard, but have you considered taking some time away from this forum, or at least from the support section? It's natural to seek reassurance on here, but you will also come across a lot of posts from us severe sufferers that may feed your health anxiety. You are incredibly new to Tinnitus and have already reported such positive improvements -- I think you are worrying prematurely about this being a long term condition for you.

      Stay strong :huganimation:
       
      • Like Like x 5
      • Friendly Friendly x 1
    18. asey20
      Curious

      asey20 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Toronto
      Tinnitus Since:
      July 13, 2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Not sure.
      Thanks for this post.

      My mom is doing much better now. She had successful brain surgery to remove the tumour that had spread. Thankfully, she was under the care of a very skillful neuro surgeon at a very good hospital. She recently had a CT and its all clear. She also had a 50% reduction in size in the breast tumour, which is the origin of all this, after only 2 chemo treatments. The treatment has been very effective so far.

      Honestly, it's these little things that make me happy and keep me going. The situation still sucks but I told her that we will both heal together. I hope I can be as strong as her.

      Yeah. I've been planning on taking a break from this site from a bit, but it's hard when this has basically been my life the last month. I have seen improvements but I won't mention anything yet. I can say that my right ear still really bothers me though. I don't want to jinx it and I also feel guilty. I really hope for a treatment for all.

      I know I'm prematurely worrying but I'm also not sure exactly when I got tinnitus. I just noticed it recently when it was really bad, however something could've been there before. It's hard for me to say, but I just wanna feel like I did before all this. It's also really hard for me to not worry when I always thought years into the future. However, recently I've just been trying to take it day by day.

      I'll keep trying to take the small victories, but I still struggle immensely from time to time. Healing is slow.
       
      • Like Like x 2
      • Hug Hug x 2
    19. 100Hz

      100Hz Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise exposure
      Stay strong minded @BrStan79 (and everyone). Very painful to read especially as you have kids, stay strong for them.

      20 years ago, even 10 years ago I'd have felt hopeless but with the current momentum behind hearing regeneration, it's worth waiting to see how it goes for the next few years.
       
      • Agree Agree x 2
      • Like Like x 1
    20. Kriszti

      Kriszti Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2016/2017/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      I'd prefer something quick and relatively painless. We're suffering enough as it is. Also, if you start to starve yourself, in my country at least, someone would interfere, get you to a hospital, start on IV.
       
      • Hug Hug x 2
    21. dan
      Chatty

      dan Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Toronto, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise
      Hi there, could you describe your tinnitus for the record?

      Perceived loudness, type of sound(s), maskability, reactiveness... etc.

      How long have you had the latest level?
       
    22. bobvann
      Cheeky

      bobvann Member

      Location:
      Inside the vortex
      Tinnitus Since:
      April 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud shit
      With my luck this will be most likely the case :D:D:D:D:D:p;)
       
      • Like Like x 1
      • Agree Agree x 1
    23. Tanni
      Twisted

      Tanni Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      October 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      ???
      For what reason?
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
      • Good Question Good Question x 1
    24. Michael01
      Frustrated

      Michael01 Member

      Location:
      Grafton,NSW,Australia.
      Tinnitus Since:
      2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      I can admit I understand where they are coming from. My tinnitus feels like it's sucking all the enjoyment out of life, and I don't know where to go from here, although it's early days for me yet, but still I just don't know what I'm going to do.
       
      • Hug Hug x 2
    25. Adaś
      Curious

      Adaś Member Podcast Patron Benefactor

      Location:
      Switzerland
      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Headphones, Stress, Rock concerts
      @BrStan79 please hang in there. I completely understand how you feel, but please don't end it yet. There is hope and there is some purpose in this torment i.e. to save others from this horrific condition. I completely agree with you that we need to shout in order to be heard, and I am upset that we (tinnitus sufferers) are so quiet and passive. Depending on the severity we either try to ignore and keep living and working, and when/or until it gets unbearable we start to contemplate suicide.

      Apparently just a few try do to something to actually move things a bit forward, but this is far from enough. Notable example - we are stuck in this thread, two pages... 10 months... and we did not reach anyone. But we keep the gears turning in few threads in Research News section, despite us having negligible or no impact on the research.

      Come on, why we cannot get a one single celebrity in this crazy world to raise some awareness!? We should be posting YouTube videos, tweeting about this horrible condition, wearing T-shirts "I have tinnitus and it sucks. Thank you modern world." etc. instead withdrawing ourselves from the society.
       
      • Like Like x 4
    26. GBB

      GBB Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Microsuction / Virus / Acoustic Trauma in one month
      I am on day 42 after an acoustic trauma. Although my tinnitus was a bit more well behaved the last few days today I took a nap and when I woke up it was one of the loudest I’ve ever heard. This is the sound of a finger going around a wine glass but being played at an uncomfortable level in my ears loud, like a microphone. It genuinely makes me fear for my life.

      Mine is really all over the place and in both ears. Just posting to try to calm myself down.

      Does anyone know of someone for whom it was still really bad at 6 weeks but it eventually settled? Just really scared when this is one of the loudest days I’ve had...
       
      • Hug Hug x 2
    27. ShaunR

      ShaunR Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      June 2004
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Concert + Motorbike
      I can't deal with the pain from hyperacusis anymore. I think tonight may be the night I leave this mortal coil for peace.

      I'm sorry for the negativity. I just want peace. I can't deal with this anymore.

      Shaun
       
      • Hug Hug x 7
    28. glynis
      Feminine

      glynis Member Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame

      Location:
      England,
      Tinnitus Since:
      2004
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Meniere's Disease
      Life with tinnitus can be hell on earth 24/7.

      Mild tinnitus can be a monster and just as hard to cope as well. Our threshold varies and no two people are the same.

      People ask me if tinnitus can get better and yes it can for some people but can be torture for many others as it is for me.

      Without my hearing aids I have felt like giving up on life but life can change so much for the better.

      I have a fulfilling life and lovely family and grandsons and a job taking care of some wonderful people who are dealing with lots of issues, who don't know what's going on, whom they are and a lot more.

      I'm so glad I never gave up on life because I love my life.

      I live 24/7 with severe bilateral tinnitus due to Meniere's Disease but hearing aids and medication help me cope.

      Finding your own way to cope and adapting to this crazy sound in our ears takes time.

      You deserve a life and deserve to be happy, so push hard even on low days and try not let the low mood win the day.

      Love Glynis x
       
      • Friendly Friendly x 5
      • Like Like x 2
      • Hug Hug x 2
    29. glynis
      Feminine

      glynis Member Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame

      Location:
      England,
      Tinnitus Since:
      2004
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Meniere's Disease
      Love you Dave xxx
       
      • Like Like x 2
      • Friendly Friendly x 1
    30. bobvann
      Cheeky

      bobvann Member

      Location:
      Inside the vortex
      Tinnitus Since:
      April 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud shit
      As Dave says, he suspects Parkinson's is related to tinnitus. I can see it since it keeps one's nervous system in constant stress.
       
      • Agree Agree x 2

Share This Page

Loading...