Suicidal

I was watching this video on YouTube yesterday about a guy who had trigeminal neuralgia (pain being described as random ice picks into the brain, eyes being ripped out of their sockets, and stuff like that) and he managed to get to a spot with meditation where he was detached from the random pain (was able to work normally). He had a lot of practice though.

 

I’m pretty sure he didn’t detach himself, what probably happened is that the medication lowered it to a level where it was easier to cope with. I have similar symptoms, some days are horrific, where the sharp stabbing pain gets worse and worse throughout the day and I start feeling it on my eyes and half of my face. Some days are more moderate, where I have the stabbing pain but it’s much less pronounced.

 

I have been lurking on this forum for over three months, but I guess my case is severe on all stages.

I got somatic tinnitus that changes whenever I move my body. It changes pitches all the time if I yawn or move my neck. I also got typewriter tinnitus and pulsatile tinnitus.

Besides my tinnitus is pretty reactive to sounds.

I have severe hyperacusis that even in earmuffs every sound is making me anxious and in pain.

I have dysacusis with sound distortions, I can hear birds chirping mostly.

I am suicidal for over a month.

It keeps getting worse. I am doing TRT.

I can hear my joints moving inside my body.

Anybody got it this severe? Even a single sound makes me anxious. I got perfect hearing on audiogram, everything is fine with me test wise.

I also have TTTS and ETD.

How to live with such severe condition?

 

I am having a hard time living with my highly reactive tinnitus and loudness hyperacusis. I literally just wait all day to get to sleep. Which is hard without Clonazepam. I wanna get off it but I fear taper and withdrawals and not being able to sleep without it. I dunno how to get to better days, but I hope we all can somehow.

 

I can't believe how loud and reactive the ringing is. I want to die, but I don't.

 

Think he's talking about XEN-1101.

 

I know what you mean. I don't want to die, well not right now anyway but I don't want to live with tinnitus.

 

F*** the US Army for not providing a treatment or cure yet.

 

I’m with you man, most sounds don’t make me anxious, they give me severe pain. Noxacusis is the worst.

 

I fart with hearing protection (80-90 dB).

 

I'm in a bad way guys. I don't think I'll make it past the weekend. In so much pain. Letters have been finished. Just deciding how to go. I feel hollow and numb now. I couldn't think of leaving my beautiful wife and amazing 3 young kids but now I'm done. Can't see the noise or pain backing off. Sorry Tinnitus Talk. I thought I had a chance trying everything. I'm manic all over the place.

 

Hey bud, you still with us?

 

Please describe your tinnitus and any other symptoms.

Also please describe what lead to your worsenings.

Thanks.

 

Does anybody have a super loud mid tone tinnitus? Liike a WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA sound...

In silence it's like your eardrums are going to explode.

Anybody?

 

Take comfort in the fact that the OP of this "Suicidal" thread is still around today and doing better. He was convinced he needed to kill himself, but is probably now happy he didn't. Don't do it Leeroy, stick around for 2 years minimum.

 

If I could have one thing go away right now, I would choose the internal tremors I'm experiencing. Jesus, this is a new kind of hell I hadn't imagined! I can't relax at all. Sometimes all I can do is lay in bed curled up in fetal position being dead still and inside me it still feels like I am running at full speed. Intense pounding chest, shaking, vibrating, tense muscles, shortness of breath, nausea. Like a real bad hangover. I think it's getting worse too. Tried a beta blocker today. Didn't do a damn thing. The tremors make me so tired too, so even when they occasionally die down just a little, I feel so drained and weak, because it has sucked all the energy out of me, and I have none left to really do anything active.

I am at my mother's apartment while she is away a few days on holiday. She has a box of heavy prescription pain killers, and I counted them today to see if they could work as a "way out". I don't know how much longer I can last. There truly IS no hope for me. It's either suffering this miserable life or somehow getting over this huge mountain that's called survival instinct and into eternal peace.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I can not believe I've ended up in such a bad place. I really do believe I am cursed.

 

Hi @TheDanishGirl - This sounds an awful lot like you're having a panic attack. Do you think it might be, and do you have any meds to temper high anxiety?

 

@Zugzug, may I please ask, from this (older) comment of yours, you said that antidepressants spiked your tinnitus, but it was always temporary. Can I ask how long it took you to get back to normal after those spikes (if you remember)?

 

I experienced similar things like she did after suffering years of panic disorder. My nerves are shot now, but not sure it’s the same, I think hers are med induced.

 

@TheDanishGirl, do you take any benzos? That might help, even just a short course or when you're feeling particularly bad.

 

You can't habituate to this type of severe hyperacusis because it needs treatment. Staying at home and avoiding normal everyday sounds and overusing hearing protection usually makes the condition worse.

The auditory system needs to be desensitized so it becomes less sensitive to sound, this is the only way to treat severe hyperacusis. Counselling with an audiologist may also be required.

 

I have it the same way. Tinnitus and severe noxacusis. And I´m tapering both Remeron and Valium because of tolerance
I can´t relax no matter what I do. Codeine helps a little, but one becomes soon tolerant to that as well.

Too long with this shit... I just wanna die, but hope is hard to break...

 

Dunno, I stayed at home and avoided normal everyday sounds for a year and that's the only thing that helped me. My noxacusis disappeared and have much less severe loudness hyperacusis.

 

Yes. Highly probably Mirtazapine induced... and not a thing I can do about it, because I am in no way able to handle a taper. So no hope for me.

 

Been on them before and hit tolerance so I tapered off. So I don't think they are a possibility for me anymore.

 

Michael, I honestly have tried that approach, not over-protecting, and every time it fails me. Based on the research I have done, noxacusis just functions differently than regular hyperacusis. Exposing myself to sounds won’t help my case or other sufferers with noxacusis, I can guarantee you that. I disagree with your approach, as helpful as you may want to be, that advice will only worsen me further. Like Anthony, the only thing that works is silence, only reason I always get the pain back is because I start getting too comfortable, take my earmuffs off and bam like a random car will pass by my yard and fuck me over all over again. I think it’s best to follow my gut, and my gut tells me it’s better to over-protect.

Noxacusis - The Cochlea / Middle Ear Relationship

 

Where did this statement come from? Why blame the Army?

 

You can reverse your tolerance. When was the last time you took them? It’s probably reset by now. I know I have to take at least a week off every second week or so to keep my tolerance.

 

I came off them in August 2018. I am not sure but I thought that risk of tolerance/dependence was MUCH higher if you had been addicted to them before. It seems like a huge gamble, and I am very scared of getting hooked on them again and the thought of having to deal with withdrawal on top of this hell. Also my doctor probably won't prescribe them to me again. But, I don't know. I just don't see it as a long term solution.

 

That week off will eventually be hell.