Suicidal

Hello,

I’m a 42-year-old man with family (wife, 4 kids) and I experienced a worsening of my pre-existing tinnitus from an SSRI 4 months ago. It’s gotten gradually worse and I cannot cope any more. I’m still on the SSRI because I’m afraid to taper off which made my tinnitus louder the last time. Tinnitus has become so loud that I don’t know how to continue. Masking with crickets is the only thing that works. I’m so anxious.

I’ve already informed myself about assisted suicide in Germany. But I don’t want to let my kids down. They’re too young for this. I don’t know what to do. Please help.

 

I'm sorry but you're causing this yourself. You keep taking the medication that caused your worsening. It. Does. Not. Make. Sense!

Even if withdrawal from it caused a worsening last time, you don't have a choice. You need to stop taking this medication and roll the dice. And then see how your body reacts over time. You might get a temporary worsening for weeks/months but then feel better. Or do you rather go to grave taking this medication? I don't think so.

 

I’m currently at a psych ward. They want to help me taper it down but it takes time. It’s one of the most difficult to come off SSRIs (Paxil). So just stopping it doesn’t work. I already tried to taper but couldn’t stand the worsening. I feel trapped.

 

I agree that if you are sure the SSRI caused it, you should taper slowly with the assistance of your doctor and allow your body to reach homeostasis.

 

I’m sure that it caused it but am 4 months in. And in addition to this I still have symptoms from the first withdrawing in 08/2022. I don’t feel like my brain is in homeostasis so another withdrawal could be dangerous. What do you think?

 

This is simply too harsh. Too harsh. Even if tapering is ultimately what will help and what is needed, tapering psyche meds can be unbelievably tortuous and terrifying and difficult beyond comprehension.

 

If the SSRI-induced worsening really is reversible, I’d be tapering right now. But for me so much hope is gone because I have already taken it for 4 months and I cannot believe coming off will be of any help after all this. What do you think?

 

My heart goes out to you -- I'm in a similar SSRI-induced mess with no easy answers. Have you tried making an account at Surviving Antidepressants? I don't agree with everything they say, but it could be good to get their opinion.

 

It will probably get better but as long as you're on the medicine, you're never going to even get a chance to heal. Do not take anything I say as medical advice whatsoever and talk to your doctor about getting off safely if that's what you decide to do.

 

I did make an account and will see what they say. The problem is that I’m still on Paxil. They now gave me Mirtazapine 30 mg to stabilize my mood and to start tapering the Paxil. But it needs time to kick in. And it also raises Serotonin. Could that again worsen it for me, although Mirtazapine is considered relatively safe?

 

Is it possible that Mirtazapine quietens the tinnitus a bit? And if yes would this be constant while on the drug? Today it seemed a little quieter for me but my ears went a little haywire. That’s why I asked about serotonin.

 

Hi @TLion, I just wanted to say with regards to Surviving Antidepressants -- take what they say with a grain of salt. The community is geared towards tapering off meds and they tend to be very dogmatic and anti-drug. I think they can be insightful about certain situations, but not so much about others. As I said earlier, I don't agree with everything they say, but it could be good to get another opinion regarding your situation, which is why I suggested making an account. That said, their advice is probably going to directly contradict what your doctors are advocating, so it might be best to just follow the guidance of your (trusted) doctors. I just wanted to clarify this to make sure I didn't confuse your or lead you astray.

I honestly don't know much about Mirtazapine -- it will probably take a week or two to get a better sense of its effects. If your doctors are competent and you relay your concerns to them, hopefully they can help you with your queries! Wishing you the best of luck.

 

@TLion, I still think you should be taking something to calm you down in the meantime. You are doing the right thing trying another antidepressant, but you need something to help sleep and to help you feel calmer during the day. And play cricket sounds if you need to. As I said, do what you can to keep your mind elsewhere, on the world around you.

 

God, please forgive us. We are sorry. We have all been sinners. We are fools. We are undeserving. We know but God, please, forgive and save us. We beg of you. We will gladly forfeit any riches and fortune. You can even take years from our natural life in exchange for the silence we need now. Strip the flesh from my body. We don't care.

 

I just started listening to a crickets in the summertime video on YouTube and man is it great lol.

 

I can't hear the crickets. Must be above my hearing loss threshold.

 

I was given this medication by my doctor pre-tinnitus, as I felt a bit down. I remember that tinnitus was a known side effect of the drug, listed on the piece of paper that comes with it.

I never took it, so I can't say how common it is, but I would be careful.

If your tinnitus does come from anxiety or stress, certain meds can improve your situation, but some of those have tinnitus listed as a side effect too.

 

Today, I cried for the first time in this year. I wanted to do so many more things before the tinnitus happened. These are my mid-20s, the peak of my life, so to speak. I used to go to the forest and listen to the trees swaying and birds chirping... I went there with my girlfriend whom I dearly love and want to marry in the future. She, my family, and my friends are what keeps me alive, along with the prospect of a happy future.

Will I ever be able to sit down with her in the forest again and listen to the soft sounds of nature? I don't know. But the recent medical developments are giving me hope. Perhaps it will take 10 years to develop a cure, or even 20, but the important thing is that the scientists are making an effort for which I am so grateful.

And when the cure is finally ready, my tears of sadness will turn into tears of joy.

 

I agree man. Hope and family are what keeps me going. Like 2-PAC said, "there won't be too many more days without hope." Like you, I am pretty young - only 30 - so really hopeful we see some advances in medical research in the near future. We do have artificial intelligence and exponential increases in computing power on our side compared to decades ago.

 

Hi! You can do that, and you should do it! Go for a walk in the forest. Paint. Listen to music at a good level. Go to a quiet restaurant. Don't stop doing that. Find nice friends that understand you. Life is about constantly adapting. You will be fine, for sure! All the best.

 

2 years ago, I tried a pair of hearing aids, and it has substantially reduced the ringing in my ears. You will know within the first 10 minutes if it will help you.

 

Can cheap OTC hearing aids do the trick or do you need the expensive ones?

 

My right ear is screaming right now and on days like this, I almost wish I could access MAID. I don't want to die but I don't want to live like this. I wish I could feel normal again.

 

I don't know if a cheap pair of OTC hearing aids will work as well. Go to a hearing aid center and try them all. I would try the expensive ones first. If they don't help, the cheaper one's won't for sure.

 

My tinnitus was in slow decline for 7 years but I lived life as best I could without interruption. I used hearing protection for loud events and got by alright. Although, it slowly got worse over the months/years. Had tests, saw ENTs, etc. However, for the past 7 months my tinnitus has been spiraling out of control very aggressively. I can stabilize for a week or two until another inconsequential incident makes it 3x worse. My tinnitus screams, roars, rumbles over everything and my head is pounding with sound. This is beyond catastrophic. A more rational person would have ended this months ago. For some reason I keep trying and seeing new specialists to zero avail.

Also, holy shit man! Can a pharma/medical device company read through this thread and see the way this condition ruins (or even takes) lives? It’s taken joy from me for 7 years, taken everything for the past 7 months, and I worry it will eventually take my life. I give every ounce of strength just to keep going on day by day. The worst part is people reading this who don’t have as bad of tinnitus or hyperacusis will assume my problem is mostly mental. You have no clue how bad this can get. There is no ceiling

 

Man I lost all my progress. All of it. My condition is evolving for the worse. I have no idea what the hell is going on here, if I made some dire mistakes that there are no returns from, like back in July. This sure isn't anything like before. Losing hope more than ever and I don't really know what's worth waiting around for. Will Susan Shore's device even work for hyperacusis? Then beyond that, how many more studies of counseling and sound therapy are going to be shoved down our ears and throat? And no guarantees investors will even bother with such a rare nonsense disease.

I thought I might be in the clear for being helped with the typical approach but I think all bets are off now.

The pain, fullness, and everything else ain't going away. I reckon I:

A. Damaged my brain further somehow, which I seem to be rather talented at.

B. Stupidly believed my ears were not damaged whatsoever and continued doing some things that contributed to ototoxicity, thus here I am.

Either way, I think my goose is finally cooked.

 

HI Shizune,

I am sorry to know that you are not well. When I corresponded with you 12 days ago, regarding the difference between analogue and digital sound, you were not feeling this way. Do you have any idea what might have caused your tinnitus and hyperacusis to increase?

I believe you have noise-induced tinnitus. There are 3, perhaps 4 things that will make this condition worse but not always permanently. Further exposure to loud noise, taking a new medication, or an increase in stress. Sometimes an underlying medical condition within the auditory system can increase the tinnitus too.

Try not to feel too downhearted, hopefully you will start to feel better soon.

All the best,
Michael

 

Hi Michael,

Funny how that works, huh? I was just talking to you about audio and now I cannot even tolerate half a song on my PC anymore. I took a dramatic turn for the worse and I cannot exactly pinpoint what happened but I went from being stable for the last 6 or so months to getting drastically worse. Though I think at times I tend to throw too many things at the wall out of desperation to see what sticks, and it ends up making things worse instead... so it could be anything.

When I first got tinnitus, it came on soon after I got my hyperacusis and I don't know if it was because I was exposing to sounds at the time or if it was just the natural progression of things. It remained mild for a long time when I was overprotecting due to my hyperacusis. After I began taking meds again, I did see an increase. Then when i was off those and exposing myself to sounds more, I saw an increase as well. Even while doing nothing lately, it seems I'm getting an increase, so I wonder if that is indeed stress induced.

 

HI Shizune,

I agree, it's funny how things work. Your situation is difficult at the moment but it can improve so all is not lost. The increase in your hyperacusis could be stress related which is understandable with tinnitus and hyperacusis to contend with. Please consider having a talk with your doctor if you are feeling stressed.

It is probably a good idea to rule out a few things. I will assume that you haven't been using headphones but I need to ask, whether you have been listening to any type of audio, including white or pink noise through headphones or earbuds, even at low volume? Does your PC comprise of a tower base unit with an internal hard drive that spins, and has an internal fan? If yes, can you hear the high pitched sounds of the hard drive and fan spinning? Using this type of computer especially for long periods, can increase tinnitus and hyperacusis for some people. If you use a laptop that has an internal spinning hard drive and fan, the same thing applies.

I now use computer that has a solid-state hard drive that has no moving parts and has a very quiet internal fan; my tinnitus is not affected. My laptop uses a SSD hard drive and no internal fan. If you have recently started a new medication, this could be affecting your tinnitus, so it's something to consider.

Hope you start to feel better soon.

Take care,
Michael

 

I’m so desperate. Who can relate in waiting the bad days out till you are allowed to sleep to have a better day? My pattern is pretty much on/off so I’m only living on 50%. The bad days I’m in bed 99%. Is anyone else like this?