Suicidal

Discussion in 'Support' started by jeremy06, Oct 14, 2018.

    1. Marcuso22

      Marcuso22 Member

      Location:
      Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud prolonged exposure to alarm system
      Is there no other physician you can see in your city/town? What I was referring to was the fact that Klonopin has been approved by Health Canada. Physicians are reluctant to prescribe it because their Board of Colleges are monitoring physicians who are prescribing benzos because of them being over prescribed for unlimited years in the past. You can take print outs of studies that have shown Xanax & Klonopin have shown to reduce the perception of loud tinnitus for those suffering with severe tinnitus.
       
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    2. danielthor

      danielthor Member

      Location:
      Denmark
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      What do you guys think happens to us after we die?

      I’ve been wondering what happens after death as I’ve been seriously considering suicide lately. I find it so sad if the one and only life I get has to go to waste like this, both with regards to taking it at such a young age, but also because of having already sort of lost it due to extremely debalitating neurodegenerative disease, with extremely debalitating T & H on top.
      Dunno.. But maybe we get a new chance at life after death?
      (I don’t mind pessimistic answers)
       
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    3. Brian P

      Brian P Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      12/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ménière’s disease
      Nothing, you’re dead.
       
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    4. Stacken77
      Wishful

      Stacken77 Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Sweden
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise (likely headphones & cars), Acoustic trauma did me in
      I'm so awfully sorry to hear that, @danielthor.

      Life is just so unfair, and the fate which we have received is brutal.
      Such existential questions are a charged subject, so I'll just preface my conviction by saying that I'm not in the mood for debates, but in great humility, I'm personally convinced in the God of the bible, the acts of Christ, a future of great redemption and restoration, with great emphasis on the things hereafter.

      Wishing you well Daniel, and I hope you, me, and all find peace.
      Stacken
       
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    5. danielthor

      danielthor Member

      Location:
      Denmark
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      I guess the good thing about being dead is that it won’t feel sad anymore, we will have lost nothing.
       
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    6. Damocles
      Festive

      Damocles Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      2009
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear Infection
      I'm a great believer in reincarnation @danielthor.

      I don't suppose you've gotten round to reading that book of short stories by J.D. Salinger I recommended you yet (?) But the last story "Teddy" focuses on this subject, and makes it evident to me that Salinger, must also have had a firm belief in the recurring cycle of death followed by life, for each individual being.

      Also H.P. Lovecraft (one of my favourite authors) while being notoriously anti-religion and outspokenly nihilistic, demonstrated ponderings on the concept of a "soul" and an infinite universe harbouring life, in his writing.

      Ever since developing this condition, anything that explores the topic of death or an afterlife captures my attention, and these two writers' (hardly experts on the subject) short stories seemed to resonate with me somewhat more than others.

      I also was raised a Catholic, so have a secondary ("backup" perhaps you could say) belief in the idea of a Heaven and a Hell, and a strong conviction that I will one day get to meet the people I love, who have already moved on.

      I certainly do not believe in Mu.

      The more you research into the biology of living organisms, the more you begin to conclude that we are nothing besides pure energy, and according to the laws of physics, energy can never just cease to exist; it merely changes form.
       
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    7. DaveFromChicago

      DaveFromChicago Member Podcast Patron Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Headcold/Flu
      Brian P is entirely correct.

      We are no more than Primates with oversized brains.

      We are the final thrust of the evolutionary process wherein the human species will ultimately destroy itself and nearly all other Life on the Planet.

      In 50 million years the Sun will expand and dissolve the Planet Earth into Atoms. Long before that, the exponentially increased heat intensity when this expansion is started will render all Life unsustainable.

      Freud in "The Future of An Illusion" correctly cited the belief in God as an infantile wish-fulfillment for a protective Father Figure.

      The Concept of Heaven is purely childish, Wishful / Magical Thinking.

      The notion of the Existence of the Conscious Mind after Death is pure fantasy.

      Camus in "the Myth of Sisyphus" bluntly stated that Humanity is alone in the Universe.

      The Christian Version of Hell was no more than a lever employed by the Power Elite to cow the Masses into docile submission.

      Did you know that after her death, it was discovered that in her Diary Mother Theresa herself privately questioned the existence of God?

      At times the inevitability of Death terrifies me (especially at the age of 67); at other times I regard it as Welcome Deliverance from this Tragic Earthly Condition.

      Remember that Samuel Beckett said, "Face it, you're on Earth; there's no cure for that".

      The Philosopher George Santayana said that Religion is nothing more that an effort to Imagine a Superior Alternate Reality.
       
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    8. kingsfan
      Mellow

      kingsfan Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Southern California
      Tinnitus Since:
      9-17-20 / 10-20-20 / 3-31-21 / 5-23-21
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      turning everything up to 11
      Been having a rough go with my tinnitus the past couple days now. Really high pitch spike.

      My anxiety has been unchecked for a while now to the point that I started self-medicating with alcohol for the past couple weeks. I stopped drinking yesterday as I'm wondering if that might be the cause of my tinnitus spike? Anxiety is through the roof again. I'm waiting on my COBRA benefits to kick in, but they are taking forever to set it all up. Just paid $521 today for my asthma inhaler refill. Hopefully insurance will reimburse me once it's all set up.
       
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    9. Danail

      Danail Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      October 2021 (moderate/severe)
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      caloric test
      Hello,

      I would like to quickly introduce myself - my name is Danail (28) and I joined the club a month ago. I was relieved to come across this forum and answer questions which no one else could have addressed. However, I wish I never found about tinnitus, hyperacusis and the forum, as I am sure everyone of you thinks the same. Since I think I am not going to endure this for long, I wanted to make this post and just express my feelings.

      Before going further, apologies for any grammar or spelling mistakes as English is not my native language.

      I would not be exaggerating if I said this year has been catastrophic for me and will probably be my last one.

      I was living perfectly normal life - I have a decent family who I love more than anything and even though we had problems, we always got through them and we helped each other. This is what family is for after all, right? :) I had a 5-year long relationship with a girl which I dreamed spending my last days with and raising a wonderful family. I finally found a job in system administration and I was thrilled to finally have an occupation which I enjoy and strive achieving the most in every aspect. I went out, I was spreading love and I was loved. I felt happy, safe and calm. Calmness, which was assuring me I can achieve a lot in life and live it the way I wanted - have a good job, raise a family, have a car and apartment of my own and just spending time with my loved ones and enjoying every moment. I am attaching some pictures before 2021 so you get the idea. I look happy on them.

      However, everything started to go upside down from the start of 2021. It all began with awful back pain which resulted in 3 months of suffering and not being able to go to the office so I was mainly working from home. It was really hard for me - I could not even walk for a minute without having a striking pain.

      Then, after going to several doctors and physiotherapist I finally managed to get hold of the situation. I thought I was going back to normal and I will heal and let this behind me. Live had other plans though.

      I had to deal with a nasty reflux for over two months. It came all of a sudden when having dinner one nights.

      Then, a lot of stress caused by my relatives resulted in me having OCD. I was always mentally strong but this time I failed. I though my life was over with this condition. I started visiting a psychologists and she helped me realize that I was not going mad and I was going to be fine. It was the hardest thing in my life. My ex girlfriend was extremely supportive at the beginning. Since I started to feel down much of the time, I shared with her very dark thoughts that were going through my head as I could not tell anyone else. And she seemed to understand. 3 months went by and I was starting to get up on my feet. Then, all of a sudden she decided to end our relationship because of me being too negative... Can you imagine? I was DEVASTATED. I was crying every day and I could not seem to get hold of the situation. With a little help of my psychologists I managed to get through to e certain extend.

      It was summer, I wanted just to go out and have my mind off it as much as I can. However, my back pain struck again with a vengeance. I visited a chiropractor and he fucked me up real good. He made me perform a back extension which resulted in me totally unable to stay straight and walk normal. I started having chills in both legs and arms. Gradually I was only getting worse although I went to the best neurologists and neurosurgeons in the country. They could not do anything for me. I was going through a physiotherapy course but there were not any results - I kept getting worse and worse. I was filled with anger - I hurt my head and I have vertigo attacks since then which I was hardly managing.

      I had to go to the emergency room several nights later as a piece of glass went into my eye - more stress...

      Since the split up, I had to look for another accommodation. It was the hardest time of my life - I did not thing I could make it. And I only needed some peaceful time in order to properly deal with my OCD. But no - life had to screw me even more.

      I went to a doctor for the vertigo attacks and this is where I got the caloric test done and ruin my whole life. Since the onset of my tinnitus, I developed hyperacusis. It started with a hiss, now it is a multi tonal. I had an accident with a dog barking next to me (it came out of nowhere) and it hurt my ear to an extend that it muffed and created a new sound in it. I was only getting worse without obvious reasons - new tones kept on emerging. Last night though, was the highest point which I think turned the table around - I did gently the Valsalva maneuver and I seemed to hurt my ear. I did not fell it this way though, I could not even pop up my ears and I stopped when I felt the pressure. The muffed ear (the right one) is now in pain. I feel it congested from the inside (behind the drum) and I started having two more loud sounds 24/7. This is too much for me guys, I cannot handle this. I really can't. I wonder how I can make it through the night...

      I see that a cure and proper treatments are far away (maybe 10 years from now) and I cannot seem to habituate to this monster inside my ears.

      I searched for weeks to buy a gun from the dark web and get this over with. I could not find any but I keep on searching. I want to end this and be sure to get the job done 100 percent. I do not imagine living live with all my problems. Even if I was the healthiest man on Earth (which I am far away from), I would not have endured the devastation that tinnitus and hyperacusis bring with them. I was always that kind of person who enjoyed silence and was using earbuds almost every night. God obviously has a sense of humor which I am not capable of understanding.

      I was just getting better mentally the first week and the dog incident happened. Then gradually it kept getting worse up to yesterday which I think brought me to the edge.

      All this time I was praying to God just to give me health - nothing more. But I kept getting all kind of complications.

      My post is not intended to cause pity on me or anything. I just wanted to share and express how I feel, since this could be one of my last posts. If you see me not visiting this site for some time, you will know that a bad thing has happened to me.

      Thanks for everyone taking of their time to read this. Be healthy and strong guys.
       
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    10. Stacken77
      Wishful

      Stacken77 Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Sweden
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise (likely headphones & cars), Acoustic trauma did me in
      Dear @Danail,

      I'm so awfully sorry to read about your struggles. Do know that we understand your suffering completely.
      Your summary of your previously happy life really hits home, as I too had very similar goals and dreams. Many of those dreams I had to give up, at least for now, which really hurt a lot. I had a very strong dream of starting a family and raising kids, but it cannot be done with this sensitivity to sound, and sometimes it hurts a lot to think about all that has been lost.
      I completely understand your sorrow, despair and frustration @Danail. I've had my bouts of dark thoughts too, I've been there, but I can't stress this enough; please, do reconsider and wait. There's so much time left, where your state could turn the corner, where things could begin to improve, where your hyperacusis may ease up. You're so early in your journey, most people can only see their progress in terms of months.

      Think of the millions of people who have moderate tinnitus, working everywhere, raising families, driving cars! Things can stabilize, and you could get a lot of your life back! Not all, because we'll still have our limits, but do understand that the insane suffering you are going through now may have passed a year from now.

      Again, please, do reconsider, give yourself some time, and protect your ears from the sounds that are uncomfortable to you. We're here for you, alright. Try to get some rest.

      With well wishes,
      Stacken
       
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    11. Danail

      Danail Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      October 2021 (moderate/severe)
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      caloric test
      @Stacken77 , You are really something special - being able to endure such a dreadful condition and trying your best to support people - bravo man. I can only admire people like yourself.

      However, I do not see myself improving, given the fact that one month after the onset, the damage is tripled. I barely went up on my feet 2 times just to fall down again. It got the point there I cannot stand this anymore and cannot cope with all the noise inside my head. It seems that every little thing is causing a permanent damage. I am 99 percent sure yesterday's damage (which has doubled the suffering) will not subside.

      All I really wanted was to grab live and never let it go - live it at its fullest. I do not think that is going to happen even if my condition improves. I never imagined living like a cripple and with a condition there is no cure for. What is the point of maintaining the misery I am currently in? How am I going to find a new girlfriend? How I am ever going to be able to enjoy going out again? How am I going to live a life always cautious of sounds and knowing that someone accidently shouting next to me can result in more suffering?

      I feel heartbroken that I would not be able to live my live the way I imagined - or at least normal. I wanted nothing special of life as you saw in my other post...

      My biggest regret is that I could not achieve anything significant so far. Also the stain I am going to put over my family and the grief caused by the loss of their younger son. I fear death, but I also fear the future of the crippled life I am living.

      I came to the conclusion that I will either end up in mental health clinic or die. I'd rather die than live on supplements and choking by my own saliva with my hands and legs tight up on the clinic's bed.

      I apologize for all the negativity, I am completely aware that no one needs it as all of you are fighting your own battles and this is not helping you. I sincerely sympathize to all people going through this nightmare. I really pray for cure or at least some treatment to be found in the near future. You all do deserve it! No one has to suffer like this - life is so unfair.
       
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    12. Wrfortiscue
      Probing

      Wrfortiscue Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      1999
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Trauma
      Please tell me the winning lotto numbers man haha.
       
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    13. danielthor

      danielthor Member

      Location:
      Denmark
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      @Danail, have you exhausted every possible option / treatment / medicine? I think some people have had luck reaching out to Dr. Dirk De Ridder, tinnitus specialist based in New Zealand (I think?). Anyways, you can find him on Google, and get in contact with him and I think he can assist you with some prescriptions while it’s this bad.

      I doubt it will stay this way.
       
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    14. Psych
      Wishful

      Psych Member Podcast Patron Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      Many moons...
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      Sorry you're going through so much! I just wanted to say "hi" and maybe give some hope. What's happening with me is that it is loud, still, but it is so pervasive that it's becoming like background noise. I forget about it at times. I remind myself that it's not actually harming me in any way. Focusing on other things helps, too. Deep breathing, alternate nostril breathing (sounds weird, and it looks weird, but it seems to dial down the angst t can create) are all different interventions that can be done and be effective. I don't have all the answers, and, as you know, have some other physical things going on, etc. But, for the time being - and it does change throughout the day, so not completely out of the woods - things are better.

      Please take care of yourself, and I hope you get some relief very soon. :huganimation:
       
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    15. Exit

      Exit Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise
      @Danail, if your girlfriend of 5 years can’t put up with you being not yourself for one year, then it wasn’t meant to be.

      I understand you got tinnitus from the Caloric test?

      This is not the worst acoustic trauma out there and I’ve read some stories of complete recovery.

      Also you won’t need that to live an okay life with some restrictions.

      Give it a year, if you’re careful and lucky things might improve.

      Then you’ll still be less than 30 years old and have already started a career you enjoy.

      Try not to stress or expect too much out of yourself the first year other than focus on health.
       
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    16. Forever hopeful
      Depressed

      Forever hopeful Member

      Location:
      USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      2015 resolved, 4/20 L ear, increase 2/21
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      2015,noise,2020-21 SNHL
      I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this. That’s so much to deal with at one time.
      l strongly suggest you start by reading some of the success stories on this website. You will see that there are many many people that were where you are right now and came out the other side. Their tinnitus didn’t necessarily go away but they were able to get used to it overtime.

      Have you had your hearing checked? If there was no damage to your hearing it is possible that your tinnitus could go away. I certainly think that over time your hyperacusis and tinnitus will likely improve. I know it’s really hard for me because I also have a lot of medical things going on and it gets very overwhelming.
      I am interested in why the neurologist couldn’t do anything for your back? Do they feel like your nerves are compressed and do you think you would benefit from an injection of corticosteroid or even perhaps what they call an epidural? It might bring you some pain relief.

      I also wouldn’t rule out some medication to help you sleep and help you with your anxiety.

      Hang in there and know that there’s a lot of people on this site thinking of you. Try to find some support in your daily life too. Are you still seeing your psychologist? It might be a good idea to continue.
       
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    17. Danail

      Danail Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      October 2021 (moderate/severe)
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      caloric test
      @Exit, I actually do think and feel it is quite severe trauma. Can you please share a story which shows recovery after a caloric test induced worsening? I was not able to find any, only posts of a few people complaining about the same issue.

      The thing about the job is that I do not enjoy it anymore - I actually do not enjoy anything. Literally anything. Things that used to bring me joy are now insignificant to me - everything is. This is not a life but a pure torture.

      @Forever hopeful, I read almost every success story so far, however I was not able to find any of them resembling my case even by one bit. Even if I had a chance to recover it is now all gone after the dig accident (which left me with muffed hearing) and the Valsalva (which led to more congestion and muffing and new nasty sounds appearing 24/7). How can I ever believe I am going to be ok? I cannot wait for several years and count on luck - it is not in my nature.

      I did check my hearing twice and it seems right ear has 10 dB loss at 250 Hz. Even though the loss is claimed to be insignificant, I can feel 101 % that my right ear has damage.

      Regarding the back pain - I have herniated discs which did not seem to need surgery or any injections. They could not understand where my chilling sensations came from even though I had MRIs and EMG. However, I have some progress there but I still have a looooong way to go.

      I am currently on benzo and slipping pills but I cannot live like that for long.

      @danielthor, can you let me know who actually benefitted from this doctor? The only thing I have a shot with are stem cells. Even though I do not have the money, I am willing to get a loan and do it. However, if does not have the needed effect, I am left only with the option to die and leave a debt on my family. It is double edged sword.

      This is basically why I feel there is no way out... I do not want to die so young because I saw nothing so far. The things of greater importance were yet to come and live was ahead of me. I was always a realistic type of person, may be lacking positivity sometimes but this has helped me so far keep up with life. For some this mindset might be wrong, however it is just the way my mind works. And the realist in me does not see any bright feature with this incurable disease. Yes, I reckon it is a disease, a disability - nothing short than that. I am almost certain than a success story will never be my outcome, judging the drastically worsening symptoms over a period of one month.

      I had a bright feature ahead of me if I was healthy enough, however, health has been taken from me for less than a year. This has robbed me for life.
       

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    18. Kriszti

      Kriszti Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      2016/2017/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      @Danail, I'm sorry that you are going through all these heath problems and the impact they have on your life.

      Check out dpdx's story here, he had/has tinnitus and hyperacusis caused by caloric test, used to feel really, horribly awful, but according to his later posts he got a ton better. I'm not tagging him, because he seems to not be around the forum lately, but you can check out his story and hopefully gain some hope from it.
       
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    19. Stacken77
      Wishful

      Stacken77 Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Sweden
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise (likely headphones & cars), Acoustic trauma did me in
      The trauma you have sustained may be significant, but there are people recovering. As @Kriszti said, look up dpdx on the forum. A complete remission of tinnitus and hyperacusis may be less likely, but improvements to the degree where you can live a fairly normal life isn't far fetched at all.
      I'll just add that your audiogram is amazing, better than mine. In my experience, there aren't a 1:1 correlation between the amount of hearing loss and tinnitus severity, the severity can go both ways due to numerous reasons. A spike, which you've very much sustained, is very likely to improve or get better.
      I don't think that's necessarily a realistic point of view. You have given yourself too short time to deal with this. Give yourself, for example, 2 years and see how you progress. We're very resilient, and you are strong enough to endure the suffering.

      Again, a year from now, your hyperacusis might have eased up, and your tinnitus might have improved or habituation may have set in. Your life may be more limited from now on, but you can still attain many of your goals, as many still do. Don't give up just yet.

      You have suffered a series of unfortunate traumas in a short time. Now, take care of your ears greatly. Avoid the sounds that make you wince or worsen the tinnitus.

      I think you can improve,
      Stacken
       
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    20. Marcuso22

      Marcuso22 Member

      Location:
      Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud prolonged exposure to alarm system
      How do you know you cannot habituate to your tinnitus, even hyperacusis which could resolve on it's own or be treated with TRT using sound generators? You haven't really given yourself much time to explore & try different modes of treatment to see if they could make a positive difference in your life to point at least where you can tolerate & eventually habituate to your tinnitus & hyperacusis. Some people on here haven't habituated but have lived with tinnitus for decades learning how to manage it better which takes a long time because there is a lot to learn & experiment with & read, even join a support group.

      The first thing you have to do is replace your negative thoughts with some hopeful more positive messages & thoughts. Otherwise you will create stronger negative loops allowing your limbic system trigger your fight or flight response which then worsens the intensity of your tinnitus. This means you have to eventually learn how to place your emotions in check & utilize your frontal cortex which uses more logical deductive non emotional responses, where you can learn to control your thoughts & how you react or not react to something as intrusive as tinnitus. This is very important to understand & is first thing audiologists who know something about tinnitus educate their patients about.
       
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    21. Danail

      Danail Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      October 2021 (moderate/severe)
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      caloric test
      @Kriszti, @Stacken77 @Marcuso22:

      Thank you all guys for your words of encouragement! I really appreciate giving me your thoughts and advice me the best you can.

      Actually the first thing I found in the forum was dpdx's profile. I went through almost all of his info overnight and I saw that he had good days and bad days after 2 years of suffering. But overall he was not feeling great according to his last post and I completely understand him and put myself in his shoes. This disability will never let you live a normal life, except if you are lucky enough for it to subside and not be reactive. I myself always had some kind if tinnitus that I heard before sleep sometimes. I would rate it 0.3/10. I always thought this is how silence sounds and it was normal. I never went up in volume and I lived happily. I think that many people have this kind of tinnitus which you do not even notice and you are not even aware that it is a condition. Compared to what I experience now, I would not even call what I had tinnitus.

      I was already limited in life due to my physical and mental conditions and I was already at a lost at some point, wondering how I will get myself up again after all the uppercuts life gave me for this short period of time. I think I was eventually going to live okay- not the way I wanted to, but I was going to manage somehow.

      However, when this monster tinnitus came along, all this changed for me. The only lesson I learned from it is that life happens only once and it is the greatest gift of all and it has to be lived at its fullest. However, I am at the end of my mental powers now, because believe me I saw too much this year. More than enough. Some events that also happened I did not even mention and probably will not. I am not sure if I can endure this torture of a crippled life for years waiting for the positive change that may never come. I cannot habituate to this condition at all. This is also due to the fact that I enjoyed silence way to much when I was a healthy person. I do not imagine living with a constant opera in my head 24/7 which takes more than half of my energy just living day by day and waiting for some miraculous treatment to he discovered. I know I just can't. The only solution is either trying stem cells or death.

      Believe me, I wanted to live most of all. I wanted to achieve things, plan the near and sometimes the distant future. Now I cannot even plan if I am going to get more than 4-5 hours of sleep in the evening. Is this really life? When going outside I started to envy all this people in the crowd - they can move okay (which I am not capable of) and they do not have tinnitus. I know everyone has their problems but they seem happy and many times other people's problems seem insignificant to me, after all I have been through. I dare to say that what happened to me this year many people do not see in their life time.
       
    22. Stacken77
      Wishful

      Stacken77 Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Sweden
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise (likely headphones & cars), Acoustic trauma did me in
      I believe that anyone who has a moderate case or worse will experience good or bad days, but I think the inactivity of quite a few members is a sign that they've moved on and no longer obsess over it. That's really the point most of us who are stuck here are trying to achieve, a point where we can move on and think about it less.
      If you give yourself some time to see if your sensitivity to sound settle down, I can assure you that you will be alright. I don't think anyone expects habituation in the beginning, but by the months and years, I'd say that most habituate. The beginning is always the hardest part to handle.
      I love silence too, I long for silence, but sadly I don't think it's coming back, instead - how insane it may sound - this noise has to become the new silence, it's just something we have to accept. Right now, I'm pretty much completely debilitated in other aspects as well, and many of the things that I used to love I'm no longer able to do, but I haven't given up hope for things to turn around just yet. In the meantime, I've had to find new things, and one of those things is oil painting which is quiet and therapeutic. You may have to do quite a lot of adjustments in your life, but it can be transient. In the end, you may find yourself in an equilibrium where life's pretty alright and worth living, and it would be a shame to end it if that could be the case.

      The decision to end your life is ultimately in your own hands, and there's nothing we can do to change your mind. We have endured months and years with these conditions, what we write is not taken out of thin air, you have a good chance of getting better; why throw away your life now when you can do it any time a year or two from now?
       
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    23. Danail

      Danail Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      October 2021 (moderate/severe)
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      caloric test
      Because I feel I am not going to endure this mentally. When I was diagnosed with OCD, it was the biggest mental drain I had in my life. I mean it was different than anything that I imagined. My psychologist convinced me with a little patience and finding a hobby and just be as calm as I can I will get through it. She tried offering SSRI but I strongly refused and kept on fighting on my own. And I really felt this way - I listened to her and followed the advice. Some days I was feeling the difference in a positive direction. Then all of a sudden came my split up which not only stopped my progress but even immensely worsened the situation. I never felt this kind if stress and pressure in my life. At that time, I only had a mild back pain left and even though it was chronic, I think I was going to manage somehow.

      But after everything else happened concerning my health, and tinnitus and hyperacusis on the top - I am not entirely sure I am going to get through for years to come. I do not even know how my life is going to be tomorrow. If it was something curable - may be I could have struggled until it eases up. But this? I cannot even work out because I am not able to do anything different than walking for now because of the herniated discs. Which girl is going to like a broken person like me? What can I possibly offer her when I cannot even concentrate for 1 minute at work or sleep and think normal? How can I present stability in a relationship if I cannot move forward because of the stupid diseases? How will I find a girl if I cannot even go out anymore? No girl wants a broken person, that is for sure. I have always been objective and I know I am no different than a handicapped person. I personally would not choose myself as a partner. The case was different though one year ago - I never lacked girls' attention even though I had a girlfriend. But now I do not even like what I see in the mirror.

      I never stop thinking about how your life can be ruined for just a fraction of a moment. I cannot stop thinking that all things that happened to me - I had them bad. Tinnitus and hyperacusis included. It all started with a static hiss that I was going to manage with after sometime. But a month later my condition is not even close to what it was at the beginning.

      I am quite aware that this is a waiting game pretty much and one should keep their hopes up as long as possible.

      It is a pity that many young people have it which is devastating. If I personally was at 70 when this happens - I would be more ok with it, since supposedly I should have accomplished a lot it life - great family, kids, career and may be grand kids. If I were a musician or a constructor worker, I would be kind of okay because I should have known the risk. My uncle is 64 and has hearing loss and tinnitus in one ear but he is not that bothered by it. He worked in a noisy environment all his life and I think he is ok with that now. But someone else caused this to me ... How can I ever find peace in myself because a stupid nurse cursed me for life?
       
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    24. Johan001

      Johan001 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      05/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Medication
      Hi @Danail, first of all, I am really sorry this has happened to you and I understand your struggle as I've been there myself. I was very suicidal in the first 8 or so months of my tinnitus.

      Secondly, as crazy as it sounds, you are very early on in your tinnitus journey. This is not something you need a few weeks for to recover. Although there are some lucky cases, do prepare to be here for long haul.

      Suicidality will let up at some point. As crazy as it sounds, it is normal for severe tinnitus cases in the early stages. What you need to realise, is that there are plenty of cases when people regain their lives in one way or another. Some regain 100 percent of their lives back, even if tinnitus doesn't change. I personally know people with severe tinnitus who have adjusted to it and it doesn't bother them anymore. It did require lots of work though and some time.

      I am still struggling, but I do know that it's possible to get your life back. So I am doing lots of psychological stuff to get there. I got off meds and I sleep, say, 4 days of of 7 without problems. Sometimes even without masking.

      It's like being in a wheelchair and learning to walk again. Don't lose faith, it's totally possible to get back to life, even though it may take years.

      So don't be too hard on yourself, it's normal to feel the way you do.

      Don't hope for the ringing to get lower (it's possible though), do hope for being able to adapt (that's very possible).
       
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    25. Wrfortiscue
      Probing

      Wrfortiscue Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      1999
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Trauma
      You’ll get better. Find ways of coping and don’t believe @Exit when he hits the optimistic button on this comment.
       
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    26. Kriszti

      Kriszti Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      2016/2017/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      @Danail, if I recall correctly, in terms of tinnitus and hyperacusis dpdx really did get better and saw a lot of improvements, but struggled with the aftermath and other health issues.

      Give yourself time to see how your case improves, it absolutely can. I don't want to downplay your problems, because what you mentioned really, truly sucks, but tinnituswise your worsening is quite recent and chances are that your symptoms will lessen. Keep holding on.
       
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    27. Forever hopeful
      Depressed

      Forever hopeful Member

      Location:
      USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      2015 resolved, 4/20 L ear, increase 2/21
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      2015,noise,2020-21 SNHL
      I do hope things improve for you. Also I took a look at your audiogram. It’s pretty much perfect. I would kill to have an audiogram that look like that.
       
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    28. Johan001

      Johan001 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      05/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Medication
      Also, don't think about girls and relationship stuff at the moment. Set your priorities. When you are ill, your priority number one is to recover.

      I recently got such a bad case of COVID-19 that I literally couldn't breathe. Then I was taken into a hospital, spent hours in the waiting room and then denied oxygen, told I am not that bad of a case and sent home on foot. Throughout this experience I was actually less bothered by tinnitus. I literally thought I would die. Now that I've recovered, the tinnitus bother came back full force.

      I got my tinnitus as a direct result of narcissistic emotionally abusive girlfriend, so I have gone through the same emotional struggle as you in regards to relationships.

      Take your time. Once you've recovered, things will lighten up again. I know a lady who has very loud tinnitus, she adapted to it and is now getting married. I read about a guy who has no limbs after a landmine explosion. He got married twice after the accident and has like 4 kids or so. So, it's a very wrong view to think you need to be some kind of a James Bond to be attractive to women. If that's their qualifier for a guy, you don't want to be with these women anyway as they would be with you for the wrong reasons. There are plenty of women who have health struggles too and I am sure they have the same thoughts. If it's meant to be, one day you'll meet a nice woman who will just be with you for who you are, with all your imperfections. Same as you would love her regardless of hers.

      Stay strong, don't let those thoughts consume you. Read and watch stuff on enhancing habituation.
       
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    29. OnceUponaTime
      Wishful

      OnceUponaTime Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Hall of Fame Advocate

      Location:
      New York
      Tinnitus Since:
      11/11
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise
      So sorry. Did it go back to baseline? I hope you are better now.
      Your life is precious.

      I had hyperacusis twice. At the time I had a 2 and a 5 year old. :eek: (no need to say much more).

      It went away.

      I also know of some people whose hyperacusis was severe and they got much better.
      Don't lose hope.

      Just do not over protect your ears and be patient and kind to yourself.
       
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    30. aura

      aura Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      romania
      Tinnitus Since:
      05.2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      How long did it take to go away?
       
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