Suicidal

Discussion in 'Support' started by jeremy06, Oct 14, 2018.

    1. Tweedleman

      Tweedleman Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2001
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown/Noise
      Yes, not fatal but it's every bit as life threatening in a different sense, just like you've pointed out. All hearing disorders and impairments are absolutely wretched on the spirit.

      Hopefully researchers can eventually lead us to completely regenetating the inner ear so we can fix all of this horrible shit.
       
      • Agree Agree x 2
    2. MrCrybaby

      MrCrybaby Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2014, 10/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      School Band, Acoustic Trauma
      Full inner ear regeneration is looking like it will be here in the 2030s. Currently in development at Decibel (LATS) and Harvard (ATOH), and hopefully more teams in the future.
       
      • Agree Agree x 2
      • Winner Winner x 1
    3. Christopher805

      Christopher805 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      May 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Neomycin
      Unfortunately, I will be darn near 70 by then. That’s at least 10 more years with this mess. Really.
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    4. Orions Pain
      Surrender

      Orions Pain Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise damage
      It’s not my tinnitus that bothers me so much anymore. It’s the hyperacusis, the sensitivity that leaves me housebound and the weird burning in my face that scares me.
       
      • Hug Hug x 3
    5. Orions Pain
      Surrender

      Orions Pain Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise damage
      This is how I feel too. I’m too early into it to actually be able to kill myself, I’m too
      Scared of that pain. So far the pain of my life hasn’t surpassed the pain I would feel from suicide. But it’s almost like a PTSD, but like a CTST *current traumatic stress disorder*
       
      • Agree Agree x 2
      • Hug Hug x 2
    6. Orions Pain
      Surrender

      Orions Pain Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise damage
      The inevitable is the scariest part. We are all extremely strong people, hang in there. Hopefully something brings us relief soon. I find comfort knowing I don’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Just an organism with a bit more of a capacity for emotions that others.
       
    7. MrCrybaby

      MrCrybaby Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2014, 10/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      School Band, Acoustic Trauma
      Partial regeneration (hair cells and synapses) will be here by the mid 2020s there are two candidates (frequency for hair cells and Hough for synapses) that are already in phase two trials and could very well be on the market by 2025. Hair cells and the synapses that connect them to the auditory nerve are the most vulnerable steps. Restoration will likely resolve symptoms for most people, and at least improve symptoms for edge cases. There is still cause to be hopeful.
       
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    8. serendipity1996

      serendipity1996 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown but suspect noise-induced
      Had my appointment with an ENT today (NHS). I have to say, it went better than expected as I was bracing myself for the worst. To my surprise, the ENT was familiar with tinnitus and hyperacusis and said he had seen other patients with similar presentations. Perhaps a sign of a rising problem lol? Anyway, he did seem to listen and take on board what I told him - he offered me 2 options for further treatment: a) sound therapy and b) psychological help (probs CBT of some kind). Put myself down for both although I'm doubtful of the utility of sound therapy for me as I don't really have much loudness hyperacusis, pain was my primary concern.

      I did find him a bit dismissive when I pointed out that my main source of distress was the pain I had been experiencing (burning, tingling etc). He did kind of brush this off and say it wasn't 'clinically significant' which doesn't exactly inspire confidence... but he said there's nothing that can really be done on that front in terms of meds or anything. Thankfully, my pain has improved significantly over the past week or so so I'm hopeful that it will continue to do so - not totally out of the woods yet but better than it's been in a long while.
       
      • Hug Hug x 3
    9. dan
      Chatty

      dan Member

      Location:
      Toronto, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise
      Look up MGTOW.
       
    10. dan
      Chatty

      dan Member

      Location:
      Toronto, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise
      Sometimes immediately, sometimes the day after.
      When I first got tinnitus in 2011, my ear pain lasted about a year, started lessening after 6 months.
      Nowadays if I'm exposed to loud noise I experience fullness and dull middle ear pain, followed by worsening tinnitus.
       
    11. dan
      Chatty

      dan Member

      Location:
      Toronto, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise
      @acute could you describe your tinnitus? Sounds, loudness... I just cannot risk listening to the video you put up because my tinnitus reacts to this kind of stuff.
       
    12. Orions Pain
      Surrender

      Orions Pain Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise damage
      It's not that they don't believe that I have tinnitus. It's the endless "see more doctors, there is a cure" that drives me up the wall. They read that it's a symptom, so they want me to find the cause. The cause was noise damage, but there is no way I can test for this.

      I've played them the sounds I hear before.
       
    13. Bartoli

      Bartoli Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2009,worsened 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise
      Did you get an extended audiogram all the way up to 16kHz? Speech in noise testing? With noise-induced tinnitus you should be able to find something at least. Is your tinnitus mainly in one ear?
       
    14. serendipity1996

      serendipity1996 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown but suspect noise-induced
      Hyperacusis symptoms coming and going for no reason be like:

      jamie meme.png
       
      • Funny Funny x 3
    15. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      Yippie do.

      "Looks like." It looks like it's cold outside. I can prove it by going outside right now.
       
    16. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      Mine is kinda like that. The delay usually isn't very long. Maybe 2 hours. It has been painful immediately after a noise but there is usually some delay.

      My right ear had pain when I woke up. I don't know what that indicates. I live in a noisy area. Maybe a siren went by or something? Or maybe my right ear has a tmj problem or the hyperacusis is not as major with my right ear because pain isn't as frequent as my left? I dunno.

      My left definitely feels worse but today something is wrong with my right ear. I am just tired of this. Having pain and discomfort in the ear and surrounding bone PLUS severe loud tinnitus is just beyond what I am willing to bear. Suicide is a reoccurring thought in the back of my mind everyday as life doesn't appeal to me at all.

      What stops me is the fear of failing and becoming worse and what comes after - that we disappear. The other problem is the method and how to go through with it. I don't know how people do it that actually go through with it.
       
    17. MrCrybaby

      MrCrybaby Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2014, 10/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      School Band, Acoustic Trauma
      I understand your impatience and suffering Pete. Unfortunately research does not bring instant gratification, it takes YEARS. We can only move towards the future one second at a time.

      If you feel like picking apart language let's say this instead: Based on the current pace of research, scientists involved aim to be ready to bring a product to market within a decade that widely regenerates the cells of the inner ear.

      The two promising research group's are Dr. Chen and his team at Harvard and Decibel Therapeutics' partnership with Dr. Hudspeth at Rockefeller University. These are both promising ventures. I do not play the blind hope game.
       
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    18. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      I notice a lot of young people here.

      I honestly think I am worse off but I don't mean to offend those people. But, my reasoning is this: my ears were exposed to way more loud noises over a longer period of time. My ears suffered more damage and healing ability is less with more damage because I am older. That is my logic.

      But, then I think my ears were normal at 20, 25, 30, etc. These young people here have tinnitus already. What was different? Genetics? Young people wear headphones too often and maybe listen at too loud a volume. Maybe noise pollution is just worse and louder. I dunno.

      I think this condition is the worst there is and it's depressing to live like this. I don't want to imagine what a young person has to go through. I never heard of anyone who had this when I was young. I think it's hopeless when you consider that there is no treatment and only speculation when some miracle revolutionary treatment from research will arrive. I can't believe I have this - I ask this hopeless, useless question every day. I wish I protected and preserved my ears, whatever that means. Why is it frowned upon when you say you want the suffering to end, by whatever means necessary?
       
      • Hug Hug x 2
      • Agree Agree x 1
    19. Tweedleman

      Tweedleman Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2001
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown/Noise
      And this is why we are right here in this thread with you.
       
      • Like Like x 2
    20. Orions Pain
      Surrender

      Orions Pain Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise damage
      When I think about my age and the condition that my ears are in I literally just want to die. That is the worst part for me, my life was just starting, and now I’m just stuck in this nightmare state. I try REALLY hard not to think about this though. That’s my short term goal, just to get through each day as best as I can. Life isn’t very enjoyable for me right now, but I’m trying
       
      • Agree Agree x 4
    21. Tweedleman

      Tweedleman Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2001
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown/Noise
      @PeteJ what happens to your tinnitus when you drink alcohol? Contrary to conventional wisdom, it's literally the only thing I've come across that has had any sort of positive effect on my tinnitus perception. I wouldn't go so far as to say it turns down the volume, but it seems to slightly dull the tones for me.
       
    22. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      Nothing really. At least, it doesn't spike it or anything either.
       
    23. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      How old are you? There seems to be a lot of young females on here. Quite a few left. I can only assume their condition is mild but the ones who still post express themselves and describe their symptoms as hell. I don't understand how a young person can get it so severe at your age(s). I regretfully went to some concerts, was around noisy shops and worked in places I didn't want to be - wish I could change all that. I think all of them led to my tinnitus and hyperacusis. I am speculating but I don't have any other explanation. I only used headphones recently, about a year before the tinnitus onset and only sometimes.

      Do you people expose themselves to loud(er) noise/sounds for longer periods of time? I am sorry you have to through this and this info should be sent to the respective governments. Society should know this exists and I am specifically referring to severe cases.
       
    24. linearb
      Psychedelic

      linearb Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      temporarily banished from this plane of existence.
      Tinnitus Since:
      1999
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      karma
      Why would you assume that, at all? There's a pretty well known subdemographic of tinnitus sufferers who tend to be women who notice onset at an early age and then have a progressive worsening, seemingly despite any ongoing hearing loss. I have read a bunch about this over the years.

      Very respectfully, I think we should all be careful judging the situations of others. We're all in some kind of shitty situation or we wouldn't be here.

      My sister mentioned in passing to me that since having shingles recently, her hearing is still down 30% in that ear, to practically nothing, and she has what she describes as "a loud, blaring constant tone" there. She didn't bring this up until like 40 minutes into our conversation, and barely seemed bothered by it -- but, i guess when you've had serious health problems and periods of being bedridden on and off for 2 decades, your sense of "this is fine!" changes a lot
       
      • Agree Agree x 6
    25. Agrajag364

      Agrajag364 Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      Both men and women dump their partners due to ill health, seems to be a fact of life.
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    26. Orions Pain
      Surrender

      Orions Pain Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise damage
      I’m 26. I’ve been going to concerts since I was 17 or so. I definitely exposed my ears to a fair share of noise through college and post grad but nothing the average person didn’t do.

      Ultimately what led to my tinnitus & hyperacusis was just that I went to too many concerts within a short period of time. Starting end of September - November I went to 4 total, two of them were only 4 days apart. I can recall feeling discomfort at that 2nd one, but I didn’t know about tinnitus/hyperacusis so I stayed (I’m sure drinking helped). I’ve never experienced Tinnitus after a concert and not a single person I know wear ear plugs, I honestly didn’t even know that was a thing.

      I went on a trip two weeks later and we did a halloween bar crawl and the bars were all BLASTING music. Again I was drinking so probably didn’t realize how bad it actually was. I also had a terrible cold that weekend so I’m sure flying with that only added to my problems.

      I also used headphones a lot. At work, at the gym, at home. I have 3 housemates and very noisy upstairs neighbors so often I’d spend 4-5 hours or even more with my noise cancelling headphones on, daily, to watch stuff on my computer so I didn’t have to hear the bangs and booms from my neighbor’s TV.

      I hate even thinking about all of this because it makes me SO depressed. I really do hate myself for all of this. I wish I had never gotten so into music and had other hobbies. Looking back on all of this actually makes me nauseous and sick to my stomach.
       
      • Hug Hug x 2
    27. Orions Pain
      Surrender

      Orions Pain Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise damage
      I have it in both. My hyperacusis is worse than my tinnitus. And no, they only did the standard one. I’m not sure how to go about getting a 16kHz audiogram.
       
    28. Bartoli

      Bartoli Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2009,worsened 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise
      I just asked at my appointment. It's standard procedure for e.g. people on certain cancer drugs like cisplatin. So they probably have the setup right there in the soundproof room. I had to put on a different pair of headphones. It gave me some evidence on hearing loss around my tinnitus frequency. My normal audiogram was ok.
      If you would go and get tested, it's really just for some peace of mind as they can't do anything about very high frequency loss.
       
    29. FGG
      No Mood

      FGG Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Hall of Fame Advocate

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Multi-factorial
      @Orions Pain, university audiologists are more likely to have this in the US. Also, unless I am mistaken, I have gathered you are in a similar geographic location as @HootOwl so maybe she can direct you since she has had it done locally.
       
    30. Bartoli

      Bartoli Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2009,worsened 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise
      @Orions Pain I didn't consider you might've gone to a private audiologist instead of a university hospital, so @FGG neatly addressed that. Again, they cannot do much about it. If you're looking for some closure or just want to know if you might benefit from future regenerative treatments then you might check it out. I must add I stopped the test in my worst tinnitus ear at 14kHz. I didn't hear anything up to 50 dB. I found the 55dB tone so loud and piercing (even though only 5dB over sensory level) that I almost yanked off the headset.
       

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