Suicidal

I feel awful. I promised over month ago I was going to do a review on a new scam and I forgot. I'll get right too!

 

100%. I hate how they use the excuse that most people past a certain age have loss of high frequency hearing so it’s not clinically relevant. How can they confidently say that it’s not clinically relevant? Are they giving hearing tests to every single person out there? If someone goes to an audiologist it’s likely that they’re suffering from either hearing loss or tinnitus. People who don’t have issues don’t go to an audiologist.

It just infuriates me that they can say something is clinically irrelevant and then admit that technology isn’t up to date/there’s no financial benefit (can’t sell a hearing aid). Like which one is it??

Clearly all signs point to the latter. Yeah there’s no tinnitus cure but why is that? Because there is little research and very little initiative to find one. They also use the excuse that tinnitus isn’t bothersome for most people... yeah, mild tinnitus. I mentioned that the Facebook tinnitus support group alone has 30,000 members.

An *audiologist* said 30,000 isn’t a lot compared to the world population with tinnitus. What I was getting at is this is 30,000 people with tinnitus BAD enough to turn to a support group. Not to mention that not a lot of people know such groups exist. How many aren’t active Facebook users? How many just haven’t joined.

 

I know this talks about it.https://www.jneurosci.org/content/40/33/6357
I was surprised to read this though. https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/fc97/2b7e9f3cb847ef9266d48c31438bf1ac9349.pdf
Saying that the idea of hearing loss by age that we report seems unlikely back in 2017. Which, it's pretty spot on.

 

I'm absolutely 100% confident that if everyone in the world got the taste of severe tinnitus, finding a cure would become a number one global priority with unlimited budget virtually overnight.

A global state of emergency would be declared as mankind's survival would be quite literally hanging in the balance.

Tinnitus would be the only topic of every news outlet.
None of this COVID-19 stuff would barely get mentioned anymore, as people would suddenly realize how insignificant everything feels compared to severe tinnitus.

 

I wish for death.

 

Sounds a lot like mine now

 

Very insightful, Harley:

In fact, if 100% of the World's Population had intrusive tinnitus for any period longer than this "taste" you refer to, there would be a historically unprecedented state of total paralysis and disruption involving a number of suicides approaching the total casualties from the the 1348 Black Plague.

Also, the predicted Cormac McCarthyseque apocalyptic, complete breakdown of Civilization (as depicted in his "The Road") would occur far sooner that the effects, for example, of Global Climate Destabilization.

When you stated that "mankind's survival would quite literally be hanging in the balance", tinnitus is so mentally undermining that humanity would be utterly incapable of functioning let alone developing a cure.

Great Masses would be driven to hysterically uncontrollable homicide and slaughter themselves out of existence. Imagine that 5,000 years later intergalactic aliens visit Earth, inspect the remnants of our Civilization, and are astounded that the Last Records describe this as the condition that wiped them out.

 

Some days I feel like I can handle this, then others I feel just so very tired.

I feel like I’m going to be walking on eggshells for the rest of my life, worried about what’s next, what loud sound is around the corner or what’s going to make my tinnitus, visual snow, hyperacusis or TTTS worse. What other chronic pain condition is going to appear where I have to decide between drugs with scary side effects or being in pain.

Nothing’s enjoyable anymore, I can’t even go to a store without having a panic attack and having to turn around and come home. It will be a year soon and if anything I feel like things have gotten worse for me and all the success stories seem to involve people feeling at least a tiny bit better after 6-8 months.

Holding out for a treatment doesn’t even sound appealing anymore. Dealing with another hellish condition that most people probably don’t even know can even happen. I’m only 26 I feel like my healthy days are long gone and I don’t have much to live for anymore.

Trying to find the joys in the little things isn’t cutting it anymore. I’ve more or less been in some sort of physical pain for the last three years but before at least I could go to a bar and have a beer with friends or book a nice vacation.

I know people often say life isn’t supposed to be easy but this is all just too much for one person to handle.

If I knew this was going to be my fate I would have never put on a pair of headphones, or gone to a concert, or even a loud bar. But the thing is this doesn’t happen to most people. I just don’t understand why my body is so weak and got damaged so easily. It’s not fair.

 

You're in the early stages of this, when the brain is in a fight or flight mode. In time, the brain will tune it out, and you won't even care about it. You are not in a small minority and you'd be surprised at how many people have tinnitus, or are going to have it. The number is, a LOT, as in millions. In time, even if it isn't gone, it just sort of fades from the mind, once the non-logical part of the brain learns to ignore it. Just give it time, the chances are, it will fade and/or your brain will adjust it's reactions, and you'll be happy once again. I urge you not to over-analyze your predicament, that is not helpful. There are ways of making habituation a bit easier to achieve, but if you're like 97% of the rest of us, it will likely happen, as long as you're careful about loud noises, and avoid making the tinnitus worse. Good luck.

 

Still suffering. Ear burning is back more intense. Fullness and ache remain the same.

Miss my old life so much. I was pretty much carefree with so much to look forward to.

Now everyday is the same darkness. I can only see one way out at this point... Problem is I can't take it as I have kids and a fiance.

It's only been 2 months... I can't endure this for the rest of my life.

Shaun

 

It’s not even my tinnitus at this point, it's my hyperacusis. You don’t habituate to pain. Millions definitely do not have this.

 

I'm in the deep, deep waters. My sympathy and a big hug to all of you who are suffering for this horror, you are the only ones who understand. Nobody else understands, spouses, brothers, parents.

 

The more I think about it, the more I realise I'm not actually suicidal necessarily. Not like I was as a teenager, when I genuinely didn't want to live anymore.

I want to live. I want to live so bad, but I just don't want to live like this. I don't want to live with so many intrusive tones that keep me from enjoying most everything I do. I don't want to live with all these headaches. I don't want to live when I'm exhausted all the time. I don't want to live with such severe neck pain.

I don't want to die but living with so much pain and no decent way to cope is taking such a huge toll on me and I cannot see myself do this for years.

 

Totally agree. I’ve had points in my life where I was so frustrated with everything and thought that I didn’t want to be around anymore.

I feel SO guilty for feeling that way now. I feel like my hyperacusis is my punishment for not appreciating what I had before. I want to live. I want to travel and see all the places I haven’t yet. I want to work my shitty office job and go to the bar after and talk about how much we hate our boss. The parts of my life I didn’t enjoy before I now look back on and think how lucky I was. Life is so wonderful and full of so many great things and I just don’t understand why some of us got dealt such a crappy hand.

 

I got worse.

 

I relate so much. I was totally burnt out, had depression and anxiety. And it pains me to say that, but sometimes I thought that I'd rather be physically sick and then I wouldn't have had to deal with all the crap that I didn't know how to handle. Yeah, careful what you wish for. I certainly didn't have tinnitus in my mind.

Universe has a very dark and cruel humor.

 

I went from loving life to longing for death within about 2 short days after tinnitus first appeared.

I don't think there are too many conditions out there that are able to do this to a person in such short time.

The purest form of evil is the only way to describe this life ending inhumane torture.

 

Can't be a useless member of society if you're not a member of society *taps head*
Except we didn't ask for this. Everyone wants meaning in their life.

 

I am very reluctant to post this message on this thread - but I feel I have to - on the very slim off chance that it just might help somebody.

My ‘T’ is F#€£!NG LOUD !!
Electric shaver inside my head loud.
You’ve all seen my video - right?
It took almost everything:
silence/music/artistry/technique/income/career/
status in the jazz world/dreams/ambition/ etc.....
Everything except my lovely family.
Of course ‘I HATE IT !!!!!

Except - I AM NOT PREPARED TO HATE IT!
If I actively ‘hate it’ it will take my entire life,
there is no question about that.

Every morning I meditate in my bath.
It is just me and the noise.
Of course I hear it loud and clear - but the trick is - I can relax with it.
I can ‘put myself out.’
It’s noisy - but I’ve learnt how to ignore it.
To take no notice of it.
I can beat it.
“I can become the stillness beneath the mental noise.”
A place of safety.
That stillness sometimes lasts all day - sometimes not.

You may think this is all mumbo-jumbo?
I claim to be a realist.
I look my problems right in the ‘belly button.’
My wife says I am a pessimist.
I delve deep into every problem.
This daily practice truly helps me.
I hope it can help somebody else.

Best Wishes everybody,

Dave xx
Jazzer

 

The only thing that makes me feel like I have meaning is when I expose ecommerce scams.

 

Doctors of today are most interested in having a high paying secure job that has a routine workflow. They got out of medschool in the 1990's and haven't learned anything new since. The hospitals are corporate and they have guidelines to make 10 appointments an hour and fill in as many patients as possible. Doctors don't put any effort in solving problems. They just cookie-cutter flowchart people. This is the same for specialist. Until the medical world actually starts taking medical science seriously I don't believe change will happen. No amount of bio-companies talking about regenerative medicine are going to mean anything until the medical world adapts.

It's just a day job to them.

 

How do you mean bro? Any reason that you can think of? Can you describe it?

 

Agreed 100%. It’s all about the money, there is very little compassion or will to help.

For the amount of $ we pay them, they could at least pretend to care. But at the end of the day they will get paid regardless so it doesn’t make a difference.

 

I think this is very largely true unless you see clinicians who are also researchers (there aren't many but they exist). They are also the ones who help bridge the gap between research and clinical practice until the autopilot and decision tree doctors catch up.

 

You were the one who informed me on the corporate aspect of things. That definitely gave me better insight on what's going on.

 

Dan I don't know anymore. I surrender. I don't believe that's tinnitus. It's something else. Brain damage??? I can't describe my tinnitus nor count sounds anymore. The sounds are indescribable. I did everything I could to not make it worse. Even quit my job. All to no avail. At some point I won't be able to cope more. Running out of tolerance dude.

 

It's a real problem, since insurance only covers the first 10-15 minutes of a consultation, there is zero incentive for long appointments. A doctor who still owned his/her own practice and had an interest in quality medicine could chose to "take the loss" (they are out there, I knew of one like that in Indiana) but most (by far) practices are group or corporate owned now and run primarily as a business first.

 

Yeah from what I’ve seen online lots of health care professionals admit that they don’t really care to do any sort of *digging* or exploring when it comes to treatment and that they believe it falls more on researchers. Lots of “iTs nOT oUR fAult” sort of thinking but it’s like dude you’re a doctor. You have access to research papers, other doctors, etc. Do something! Seems like they are just on standby until they get a new textbook. Why are patients the one who have to dig online in countless forums and support groups. Where is our money going?? (Don’t answer this lol)

Not to say doctors should be out there conducting experiments on their patients but I do think that there is more effort they can put in.

 

And when you actually tell them what you found out, you get the scolding, dismissive: "Don't believe everything you read online."

Yeah, I don't, but online forums were much more helpful and informative than the advice my doctors have given me.

 

Yes lmao - whilst yeah there is a lot of misinformation online I think this view is becoming increasingly dated and is really dismissive given that you can now access research papers via Google Scholar etc or even take the initiative to contact researchers yourself as their contact info is displayed on their institution's webpages. Obviously if a patient comes and they subscribe to Goop-style pseudoscience then yeah that's a bit problematic but doctors need to keep up with the times. How else are we supposed to access information to understand our condition?