Suicidal

Discussion in 'Support' started by jeremy06, Oct 14, 2018.

    1. Selah1281

      Selah1281 Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      I take a single dose of Clonazepam 1mg nightly. On the 23rd of December I got my dose out, but didn’t have a drink of water to wash it down. I stuck it in my hoodie pocket and then got sidetracked and didn’t end up taking it. I didn’t realize till the next day midday when I reached in my pocket I hadn’t taken the dose. This has never happened before.

      I was feeling weird throughout the day and my tinnitus took on an electrical sound it doesn’t normally have and became more intrusive. I also started having some mild random muscle twitches, my vision felt blurry, my ears had a mild sensation of fullness unlike the usual one I get and my sound sensitivity seems slightly increased.

      I didn’t double dose I just took my dose for the 24th of December earlier than I usually do and hoped it would make things return to normal. Unfortunately, everything is pretty much the same as of now.

      Yesterday I also slipped on some carpeted stairs at my house and hit the back of my head, but not particularly hard. I don’t know if my tinnitus changed before or after that happened honestly.

      I don’t know which one of these things caused how I’m feeling now or if it was a combination of both, but I really hope it goes away.
       
      • Hug Hug x 9
    2. katri
      Curious

      katri Member

      Location:
      Las Vegas
      Tinnitus Since:
      Jan 2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise
      I legitimately think this is it for me. It’s severe. Worse than severe even. I never knew it could be this horrendous. It’s just yelling at me. Legitimately yelling. Screaming even. I want to die but I also want to go to God. I’ve been wanting to live. I’m engaged and I was planning a wedding. Now I can’t sleep for more than an hour. It’s been getting worse night by night. His room was shaking from the music and I wanted to leave. I didn’t want to make him look bad in front of his family.

      Now I want to take my own life more than anything right now. I can’t see myself going on. My body refuses to relax. My parents don’t believe in psychiatric medicine. I think I’m going to die from lack of sleep or something. Is there any hope at all?? My ears keep feeling like there’s hair in them. It’s just worse and worse.

      I’m dead already. I found a career path I wanted to follow, I fell in love, I planned a future, I loved my family. Now I just want God to take me away. I can’t believe I ever cried about moderate or mild tinnitus. I am losing everything so quickly. My body is aching from lack of sleep. I’m suffering tremors. I can’t eat. My parents just tell me I’m a burden.

      God won’t answer me or heal me. I don’t even know what that means. My dad says my body will give out when it wants to so I can sleep but it’s pure torture. I need to be in school to maintain my insurance and I do not know how to do that now.

      I don’t even know if I have multiple tones or if it’s one just SCREAMING at me? Has anyone ever felt this? When do I just quit and kill myself? I can’t hear it over the shower but it’s still so deafening.

      It’s been like 2 days of it being around this loud. I’m not sure I’ll make it. I’ve been positive. I’ve been mindful. I’ve done so much just to have it all be torn away from me.

      I don’t want to die at all. I want to go to church. I want to get married. I want a job. I want children. I want something. A life really. I don’t know what’s happening or what I can do about it. Life is just pain and suffering. It’s killing me effectively.

      I was so happy 2-3 weeks ago I was good. Now I’m going to die.
       
      • Hug Hug x 17
    3. Zugzug

      Zugzug Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      05/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      It sounds like you are suffering big time. I don't say this to trivialize your very real suffering, but it sounds like you are extremely early into the game. Please do not harm yourself, especially without significantly more time, sleep, attempts at treating it, etc.

      For sure, see a doctor, if for nothing else, the sleep problems alone. I was having sleep problems and now I take extremely low dose Mirtazapine (3.5 mg), 400 mg Magnesium Glycinate, and Melatonin and I sleep a lot better.

      It's really tough because obviously sleep is not the only thing causing your problems. I'm in kind of a similar boat in that I am living in hell with lots of suicidal thoughts, but I'm also weaning off a long round of high dose steroids, which is known to cause withdrawal. It doesn't mean my suicidal thoughts aren't primarily caused by my hearing problems, but it's not the time to do anything about it.
       
      • Hug Hug x 5
      • Agree Agree x 2
    4. ajc

      ajc Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2002; spike 2009; worse 2017-18
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud music - noise damage
      Your spike has lasted a negligible amount of time.

      You are overreacting.

      Take it easy.
       
    5. katri
      Curious

      katri Member

      Location:
      Las Vegas
      Tinnitus Since:
      Jan 2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise
      I understand. I worded it just a little harsh (or maybe I’m sensitive to everything right now). Having it gradually get worse for the last two weeks makes me feel hopeless. I am completely drained and I know it’s normal to feel the way I do. My body just refuses to relax and my lack of sleep is triggering so much more suffering.
       
      • Hug Hug x 5
    6. Orions Pain
      Sad

      Orions Pain Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      A series of unfortunate events
      The downside of support groups: almost every single person I’ve talked to since the beginning of my tinnitus journey has improved. Of course I’m very happy that people are getting relief but it takes a toll on you when you only seem to be worsening. 0 moments of improvement. More health problems. Doing very bad mentally.
       
      • Hug Hug x 13
      • Agree Agree x 1
    7. Zugzug

      Zugzug Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      05/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      It's okay to let it out. Sleep is one of the few things that is extremely treatable -- even maybe just some light sleep aids for a little bit to get back on track.
       
      • Like Like x 1
      • Hug Hug x 1
    8. Zugzug

      Zugzug Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      05/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      I'm with you on both fronts. My problem is incurable and progressive. I'm also scared of being all alone after hearing regeneration. Don't get me wrong, I would certainly choose curing others over "misery loves company," but it's an honest and sad realization.
       
      • Hug Hug x 7
    9. katri
      Curious

      katri Member

      Location:
      Las Vegas
      Tinnitus Since:
      Jan 2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise
      How old are you? Do you have a support system?
       
    10. Orions Pain
      Sad

      Orions Pain Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      A series of unfortunate events
      The visual snow, the hearing sensitivity, the acid burning in ears and face, the horrible tones, the TTTS, the distortions. It’s all too much guys. I‘ve always been a home body more or less but this lifestyle is taking such a toll on my mental health. A year without a single happy moment, an entire year wasted on constant suffering and 0 sort of progress.

      My life did a complete 180 and all my old memories are haunting me. I know there are millions out there who suffer but I’m tired of this below subpar existence.
       
      • Hug Hug x 13
    11. Orions Pain
      Sad

      Orions Pain Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      A series of unfortunate events
      Soon to be late 20s. I don’t have much of a “support” system but it’s fine because that wouldn’t make me feel better. I just want it to stop.
       
    12. Orions Pain
      Sad

      Orions Pain Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      A series of unfortunate events
      I am so sorry. Definitely with ya there. I just don’t understand how life can go from normal to hell so quickly. I’ve been experiencing derealization lately and it all just seems too bad to be real, like I’m trapped in some sort of alternate universe.

      I also don’t understand why some start off bad and it gradually gets better and for me it was literally quite in reverse. The first 6 months symptoms were just building up one on top of the other, then it plateaued, and then existing symptoms began to get worse one by one. I literally feel like my whole life has just gone down the toilet and it’s been very hard to find reason to continue lately.

      I just can’t believe I was hurt so easily by something so common and it’s just so unfair.
       
      • Hug Hug x 2
    13. twa
      Busy

      twa Member Benefactor

      Location:
      US
      Tinnitus Since:
      2017- mild /Sept. 2020-moderate
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      meds/acoustic trauma
      It will catch up to them eventually. Youth is very forgiving, but over time bad habits will come to light.
       
      • Like Like x 1
      • Agree Agree x 1
    14. katri
      Curious

      katri Member

      Location:
      Las Vegas
      Tinnitus Since:
      Jan 2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise
      You think sleep is easily treatable? My tinnitus cuts through nearly everything right now. It feels a bit deafening how loud it is.
       
    15. katri
      Curious

      katri Member

      Location:
      Las Vegas
      Tinnitus Since:
      Jan 2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise
      @ajc well how do I cope? At least for now?
       
    16. Pulsing Ear
      Frustrated

      Pulsing Ear Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      12/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      I'm 51 years old and he is 52! Been smoking since he went to college at age 18. His whole family are smokers. His grandfather smoked like a chimney and died in his 80s.

      I think so much in life boils down to genetics.
       
      • Agree Agree x 4
    17. Drachen
      Tired

      Drachen Member

      Location:
      United States
      Tinnitus Since:
      December 2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Currently unknown; awaiting evaluation
      There's probably a lot to this. It's funny you bring up the mention of the smokers living long, as I read elsewhere on this forum an analogy of how many concertgoers and such don't develop tinnitus as some smokers don't get lung cancer.

      While I don't wish either of these conditions on anyway, you've got to admit, life can be inconsistent.
       
      • Agree Agree x 2
    18. Shizune
      Wishful

      Shizune Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      H: 6/2020 T: 7/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Chemical exposure, made worse with benzo withdrawal
      This condition puts you at a crossroads when it comes to finally "pulling the trigger". Do you continue to live through hell, or do you take the chance, risk failing, and end up becoming worse and more disabled in the process.

      I slipped up a bit. I could feel my tinnitus getting louder as it happened. I thought "well, maybe not today". It's very cruel. And surviving and being found, being sent away with hyperacusis? You're toast. That's really what's keeping me here.
       
      • Good Question Good Question x 1
    19. LukeYoung
      Stressed

      LukeYoung Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Toowoomba, Queensland, Australia
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/16
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      A loud Concert - Noise Exposure
      There are sleeping aids that you may take to get you back on track.

      I remember when I was barely sleeping, barely eating, barely living. I just wanted it all to stop.

      But getting a good night's sleep was half the battle. Look into some sleeping aids in the short term. Seek some more medical guidance in the form of support groups or something like that might also help. Sound therapy even...

      Don't give up the good fight :)
       
      • Agree Agree x 2
      • Like Like x 1
      • Helpful Helpful x 1
    20. Zugzug

      Zugzug Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      05/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      Amen to that. I bounce between being thankful that I lived a good life and sad that the quality is simply over.
       
      • Agree Agree x 3
      • Hug Hug x 1
    21. MBH

      MBH Member

      Location:
      Upstate NY
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Overloaded stress
      @katri Sleep is a big one.

      I achieved a good night's rest by turning on a sound machine, having a small water fountain, wearing an eye mask, taking 2 Tylenol PM, and taking a shower to calm down.

      I keep to the same routine. Once you sleep, it will help you a lot.

      In the beginning my tinnitus changed, but now not so much.
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
      • Informative Informative x 1
    22. Daniel Lion
      Ape-like

      Daniel Lion Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      SE Asia
      Tinnitus Since:
      2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise trauma, hearing loss
      You won't be alone Zugzug, I am not going anywhere.

      Lifers.

      Wishing you the best and as always everybody who finds themselves here.
       
      • Hug Hug x 2
      • Friendly Friendly x 1
    23. Chinmoku

      Chinmoku Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Started with a cold, possibly worsened by medication/noise
      I'm sorry you are struggling too. Mine is screaming at me through everything 24/7. I'm also trying to help sleep. There is a new sleep medication called Dayvigo, it is not gabaergic so hopefully it should not affect tinnitus negatively once discontinued. It should be available in the US, it is not yet available in the UK unfortunately. It's probably worth asking your doctor. Failing that, you could try melatonin if you haven't done so already. Some people take anti-histamines. I would say resort to Z-drugs or benzos only as a very last resort as they may create dependence and may worsen tinnitus later on, but talk to your doctor in any case. I hope you can sort this out.
       
      • Hug Hug x 2
      • Like Like x 1
    24. katri
      Curious

      katri Member

      Location:
      Las Vegas
      Tinnitus Since:
      Jan 2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise
      Mine refused to stabilize. It’s getting louder and louder by the hour. It’s reaching new heights and scaring the hell out of me.
       
      • Hug Hug x 6
    25. Daniel Lion
      Ape-like

      Daniel Lion Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      SE Asia
      Tinnitus Since:
      2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise trauma, hearing loss
      Hi Katri,

      I know you're freaking out and for good reason. It's scary as hell.
      Having been there myself... the first thing to do is calm down your Nervous System which is in overdrive.

      How to calm down, how to sleep?

      When this shit first stuck me down I leaned on drugs to help me calm down and sleep.
      I no longer take medications or vitamins but am not adverse to them in the future and many of my friends and family do take medications, for their heart, prostate, and mental well being. I am in a different place and have some holistic tools I use. I understand your father's attitude about drugs but he has not experienced what you're going through.

      If I were you, I would go to your doctor or the ER if necessary and explain your hearing trauma and subsequent loud intrusive tinnitus. I definitely would try and get a Benzo, Valium, Clonazepam etc. Just leaning on them for a few weeks or months is fine. You can taper off. Trazodone is an antipsychotic I took 1 pill for ten days after going to an ER, it knocked me out for 4 hours a night. Never taken it since.

      From my personal experience I can honestly say that the drugs helped me until I could do it on my own.

      Regardless if you decide to get some help from medications these are things that helped and help me...

      Communicating with my loved ones.
      Eating well.
      Exercise.
      Heat e.g. hot baths, saunas, steam baths, compresses
      Massage
      Comfortable bed with heavy blanket... not sleeping on the bathroom floor.
      Background noise that you like... guided meditations and sleep, free from YouTube.

      According to this forum Magnesium, NAC, Garlic and Turmeric have helped some people.

      I don't usually pray in the conventional sense, but I heard your call and prayed for you last night.
      I am praying for you now hoping that when you slowly calm down this spike will calm down as well.

      Sincerely,
      Daniel
       
      • Like Like x 3
      • Hug Hug x 3
      • Friendly Friendly x 1
    26. Pulsing Ear
      Frustrated

      Pulsing Ear Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      12/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      Exercise helps me a lot!
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    27. katri
      Curious

      katri Member

      Location:
      Las Vegas
      Tinnitus Since:
      Jan 2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise
      Has anyone else dealt with constant increases in the sound of their tinnitus the way I have? In any way at all? Did it stabilize at any point?

      This is the 3rd day of it doing this and I’m not sure what to do. My ears will go back to how loud they used to be before I feel a sensation in my ear and it increases dramatically in volume. It happens on both sides and it’s causing me so much grief as of this moment. I keep telling myself I’ll get better but my ears go from better to worse, better to worse. The good periods only last a few minutes but I try not to over check when this happens because that can be bad for my mental health as well.
       
    28. Chinmoku

      Chinmoku Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Started with a cold, possibly worsened by medication/noise
      I sympathise, mine has been worsening from day one. It will have to stop and finally start reverting for both of us at some point, hopefully. Otherwise I don't know what I'll do. I'm already in an extremely dark place. Let's hope it changes. In any case sleep is important
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    29. Zugzug

      Zugzug Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      05/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      Thank you, D. I am sorry I said that in a moment of despair. I hope everyone gets better and gets the f*ck off the forum. I hope I can get better and, for the most part, get the f*ck off the forum. Then I can get a job and donate money and become an advocate.
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    30. Pulsing Ear
      Frustrated

      Pulsing Ear Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      12/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      My tinnitus seems to fluctuate in volume some during the day. I'm having another problem in my ear in addition to tinnitus. I now have stapedial myoclonus in my left ear, and when it flares up it seems to make my tinnitus a lot louder in that one ear. It is louder all day now too, and loud enough that I can no longer hear my right ear ring. The doctor told me that the myoclonus in most cases resolves on its own and I am hoping that my tinnitus will decrease back to the level it was before. I think a lot of us have the same experience as you. You are not alone. Try not to stress out too much over it. It can be really hard. Last night I was feeling like shit because mine was so loud and thumping in my head. I had trouble even eating dinner. Now today the myoclonus is gone and the ringing level is lower.

      How long have you been suffering from tinnitus? Do you know what brought yours on? Try exercise if you haven't already. It makes my tinnitus decrease in volume and helps to stop my other problem. Doing things like listen to music and watch tv helps me to forget about the tinnitus because it drowns out the ringing.
       
      • Hug Hug x 1

Share This Page

Loading...