Suicidal

Discussion in 'Support' started by jeremy06, Oct 14, 2018.

    1. livewire77

      livewire77 Member Podcast Patron Benefactor

      Location:
      Czechia
      Tinnitus Since:
      12/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud music on headphones
      Zopiclone IS OK. I have used it daily for 4 months. Some people have used it for years.

      12 Months of Therapy With Zopiclone (Imovane)...


      Interesting report here:

      An approach to long-term sedative-hypnotic use

      Forums are full of prophets of doom spreading pharmacophobia. People with positive experiences usually don´t even have motivation to visit them. If you live in country where some Orexin blocker is available, you can also try it. If you live in EU, then it hopefully will be approved by EMA next year. But it will be pretty expensive if not reimbursed.
       
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    2. Autumnwillows

      Autumnwillows Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      April 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud door alarm in ear.
      @livewire77, thank you.

      I have a crippling fear of taking anything and waking up worse for it, but my ears rip me from sleep each night now, and it's always been worse if I can't sleep.
       
    3. Sayeed

      Sayeed Member Benefactor

      Location:
      miami fl
      Tinnitus Since:
      4/1/21
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unsure
      Hi Autumn, don't give up hope...

      Try a mixture of gabapentin and kalanopin. Melatonin you shouldn't need a prescription for.

      Give it some time. You are going through a tough phase but it doesn't mean it will last forever. Things will get better. The previous poster is right; usually the people that got better or are able to cope with it better won't post online as they have moved on.
       
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    4. Autumnwillows

      Autumnwillows Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      April 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud door alarm in ear.
      Thank you @Sayeed, I wish I could keep fighting. It makes me shake with anxiety and I'm controlled by my fear of noise making it worse.

      Unfortunately, I believe in the UK I will need a prescription; that's if the docter ever gets back to me lol. Nothing worse than feeling like this and then being ignored by the 'support' systems you're supposed to be able to access. I haven't done much research on gabapentin but will have a look as been looking at the other one.

      I'll make sure everyone knows why I died though, not depression not anxiety that drove me, but tinnitus. I've lost my family, job, friends, freedom and future, the least I can do is get some story in the local paper for five minutes to raise awareness.
       
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    5. roy1159
      Suicidal

      roy1159 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Probably noise from working in a cafe' for 2 years
      As I look back now, my tinnitus and hearing problems onset started a chain of events that caused my physical health and my life in general to fall apart so bad that I don't think I can come back from it. Although it's been only 16 months with all these problems, it feels like all I know in life is pain, suffering, cognitive and physical dysfunction, helplessness and frustration. All I do is deal with these problems trying to mend them but nothing seems to work. At this point I think I'm cursed, or my life is. Every time I see people my age or just healthy people in general I get more depressed than I already am, I can't be dysfunctional like this for so long at ******* 21 years old. It's not fair of course but it is what it is, I'm left dealing with pain and dysfunction 24/7 or to off myself like an animal.

      Why am I such a coward and can't do it already... I'm tired of ranting like this or suffering.
       
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    6. Diesel

      Diesel Member Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame Advocate

      Tinnitus Since:
      1-2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      20+ Years of Live Music, Motorcycles, and Power Tools
      Considering my own situation, I point to mostly shit genes and youth ignorance. Once my family learned I had tinnitus, it was only then my parents revealed they both did, and most of their siblings had hearing loss. As for ignorance, I lived a loud loud 20s, and didn’t think much about hearing protection all the time, in particular for the hundreds live shows I attended.
       
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    7. GBB

      GBB Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      NYC
      Tinnitus Since:
      2016-2019 (Mild, Cured) 8/2020 (Severe)
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Virus / Microsuction / Acoustic Trauma
      I second trying out some of the more aggressive approaches before you do anything irreversible. If it's really down to that, you should consider Gabapentin and Clonazepam (see linked study showing efficacy).

      GABAA-benzodiazepine-chloride receptor-targeted therapy for tinnitus control: preliminary report
       
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    8. Sayeed

      Sayeed Member Benefactor

      Location:
      miami fl
      Tinnitus Since:
      4/1/21
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unsure
      The only issue I have with Klonopin is that it's addictive and recommended for short time use. Otherwise I would be all over it. I hope Buspar and Gabapentin do the trick for me but I feel Klonopin is on the horizon for me due to panic attacks.

      But what do we got to lose.
       
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    9. Autumnwillows

      Autumnwillows Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      April 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud door alarm in ear.
      Thank you @GBB. I will have a read, currently reading the Clonazepam post. I've been prescribed it before but was too scared back then.

      Yes @Sayeed, I've got nothing left to lose, I also suffer with CFS so find each day such a battle, it's all quite heart breaking to get to this point.
       
    10. TrevorSanders

      TrevorSanders Member

      Location:
      Ohio
      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise Exposure/Ototoxic Medication
      Personally, Clonazepam reduces my tinnitus to basically nothing for around 4-5 hours. It’s quite addictive but, when taken moderately (once or twice a week), shouldn’t have you develop an addiction.
       
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    11. Chinmoku

      Chinmoku Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Started with a cold, possibly worsened by medication/noise
      @TrevorSanders, may I ask what dosage stops your tinnitus for 4-5 hours?

      @Autumnwillows, so sorry to hear about your torturing condition, and similarly for everyone else in this thread. I feel like you a lot. I have two kids so I need to stay here but it's proving a minute by minute torture. Anyway I wanted to say that you might try Clonazepam to see what happens, if you are one step from the abyss then there is little to lose in trying it, in combination with Gabapentin (there is a thread about it). It is important to understand quickly whether it is helping you or not, so the reaction to the first dose is important. If you check the thread I linked above you may find some cases where regular daily intake of Clonazepam didn't help long term and made things worse, but if you take it weekly only to get some breaks or reliefs you might avoid addiction and it might help you survive until hopefully your tinnitus gets better. Mine only got worse since inception but we never know, the trend might revert.

      I hope you find something that keeps you going, for you and your family. In any case there are many people for whom Clonazepam (plus Gabapentin) works, so perhaps you may consider this if you are standing on the abyss ready to jump.
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    12. Lukee

      Lukee Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2021
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Breathing Exercise
      I'm sorry to hear you're in such a bad place. Unfortunately, this is a common theme for people suffering from this terrible affliction. I see you also have CFS and the hopelessness and depression is crushing you. I know somewhat how you feel and its certainly more heartbreaking that you are willing to leave your family behind because the pain is unmanageable.

      I would like to give you some hope and a few suggestions.

      Firstly, there may be some treatments coming in the near future (2-3 years). We don't know how effective they are and if they'll treat every type of tinnitus, but there is strong evidence that some treatment will come to market soon.

      Secondly, there is a massive influx of funding for ME/CFS due to Long COVID-19. On top of that, some of the greatest minds in medical research are working on treatment for CFS. Ron Davis has narrowed down some treatments that do work and help many CFS sufferers (Abilify, etc.). They are now working on the Metabolic Trap Theory and testing every possible medication and herb to see if it can help with the metabolic trap and faulty IDO1 receptor. I believe that we have never been closer to a cure.

      I don't always want to go back to this, because I don't believe its a cure all or miracle drug, but have you tried LDN? There are many success stories of people with CFS, POTS and even tinnitus. Also, please have a look at this article I found:

      Successful treatment of postural orthostatic tachycardia and mast cell activation syndromes using naltrexone, immunoglobulin and antibiotic treatment

      The article specifically mentions resolution of tinnitus for patient (along with remission of the rest of their symptoms). I will likely start a separate thread to discuss the article because I find it amazing that even the patient's tinnitus was cured (understandably the tinnitus was caused by these other conditions).

      Lastly, these diseases (tinnitus and CFS) are mentally straining and seem to either cause more harm to or target people with mental instability. Many people with CFS and/or tinnitus are depressed and anxious and that is understandable; so many times I read posts that someone is depressed because of these issues and I'm sure its true a lot of the time, but I would guess that for many people, if their symptoms resolved, we would still see an underlying mental health issue. Have you considered Ketamine therapy? I mention this because it is used to treat suicidal ideology and ironically seems to have a positive effect on tinnitus. If you woke up tomorrow, still had CFS and tinnitus and yet felt pretty great all round and could cope with your issues, do you still think that you would consider ending it in September? I feel like for many people, we don't need to cure the ringing, we just need to help them get past the ringing mentally. I understand this is all easier said than done but please consider all avenues first, especially for your family. I think some of the treatments I have posted might help you greatly.
       
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    13. TrevorSanders

      TrevorSanders Member

      Location:
      Ohio
      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise Exposure/Ototoxic Medication
      1 mg.
       
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    14. TrevorSanders

      TrevorSanders Member

      Location:
      Ohio
      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise Exposure/Ototoxic Medication
      Would we be telling people with chronic pain or any other disease to just get past it mentally?
       
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    15. Lukee

      Lukee Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2021
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Breathing Exercise
      I’m not suggesting that we do that. What I am saying is, if you are content and the ringing doesn’t bother you or affect your QoL, does it matter? Obviously a cure is the end game but if people can move past the ringing and still enjoy their life is that not worth it? So anyone with a chronic condition we just let them die because we can’t help them? No, we try to alleviate the symptoms... to me the ringing is the chronic condition, the depression and poor QoL are the symptoms with this condition.

      This is a terrible thing and I don’t wish it on anyone but let’s try to be realistic and supportive before we decide on final decisions.

      There is a documentary on cancer patients and chronic sufferers using Psilocybin to treat their depression. They still feel pain, have limited mobility, have had their lives changed drastically; however, these people use the mushrooms to give them a new lease on life. Practically all of them live a proper, fulfilling life or for some, whatever they have left of it. So the argument is, just because we cannot cure their disease should we not give them a chance to live happily?
       
    16. newfie
      Spaced

      newfie Member

      Location:
      Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2007
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic trauma (gun)
      I understand you’re suffering. You have to understand though, that most if not all of us are also suffering. There are people on the street suffering from this condition, and other conditions that are worse. Life isn’t always rosey and care free and pain free. Some of us are lucky and live into old age with no pain while others are not so lucky.

      Please keep pushing forward for your children. Use maskers, mask before you go to bed, take Melatonin, work on improving your diet, exercise, work on ways to reduce stress in your life and to cope with it. If you could regret committing suicide, you likely would. You’ll miss all those moments with your children and they will surely miss you. Push forward for them. I know it is not easy. But you have to understand when you take your own life you give away your suffering to others and they suffer the rest of their lives. Plus, there are treatments coming. Although I personally am not too optimistic, things could change any time. Your tinnitus could get better with improved lifestyle choices or improving health. Or they could bring out a drug or treatment that may help.

      Take care of yourself, hope not rope.
       
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    17. Dana
      Busy

      Dana Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2008
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Multi-factorial
      Clonazepam, to be sure of its effect I am referring ONLY to Roche brand and not others (I have tried Clonotril and Klonazepamum and they were terrible, hard to say which was worse out of the two of them), will SAVE your life, not only enable a last summer with your kids.

      You can taper up, using 0.5 mg per evening up to 2 mg per evening, to not have a sudden big effect.

      I used it for years, and am still alive.

      Have to be honest, I still have tinnitus. Clonazepam (Rivotril) may not cure your type of tinnitus, but I believe strongly that it will take "suicide" out of the "to do" list.

      You will live as long as the other organs will allow you to, just like in every normal life.

      It may affect your liver somewhat, but you can watch it, and you do not have to take it for the rest of your days.

      If you consider suicide, you must try Rivotril. You must try everything, for you and for your kids.

      I was suicidal, Rivotril enabled life.

      You will have your life back, still with tinnitus in your ears, but boy, does it help habituation, or what.

      If you have a spike after you have taken it for a while and stopped, you can take a pill again.

      I do not keep an exact log, but in the past year I have taken a pill or two.
      In the past 6 months I have taken 1 pill.
       
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    18. Dana
      Busy

      Dana Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2008
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Multi-factorial
      Same here, I used to take 2 mg in the evening, it diminished tinnitus down to negligible and has, at 2 mg, a big enough sedative effect to prepare me for sleep, sleeping a number of hours enough to get charged with enough energy to live that day, strength to go through that day, and in the evening I was taking another pill.

      So on and so forth.

      In time I was able to reduce the dose more and more.
       
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    19. Chinmoku

      Chinmoku Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Started with a cold, possibly worsened by medication/noise
      This is interesting, Dana, may I ask you more? From a lot of anecdotal reports also on BenzoBuddies, it looks like the effective dose for severe tinnitus is 2 mg. I was given 0.5 mg to start with but the effect lasted 2 weeks and then the tinnitus started a pattern of continued worsening and now it is practically unbearable. I never increased the dosage but what bothers me is the worsening at a constant dosage. I often considered asking my doctor to increase to 2 mg but I'm always scared that the worsening continues even at a higher dose, or even intensifies, and then I'm done. Not that I have much to lose at this point, it's continued torture, but the uncertainty is difficult to beat. My instinct would be to taper to 0 mg but I'm finding it impossible in these conditions. A taper should be done when one is stable, I'm not stable at all.

      Did you experience worsening at a constant lower dosage? 2 mg is a lot compared to what my doctors recommended.
       
    20. AfroSnowman
      Balanced

      AfroSnowman Member Podcast Patron Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      April 16 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Nonnatural energy source
      I think that is exactly what they tell people with chronic pain to do. I was just looking up chronic pain (because isn’t that what tinnitus is?) and the webpages that came up were all CBT and habituation type of guidance.
       
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    21. BrOKeN_1

      BrOKeN_1 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      High Frequency Hearing Loss
      Shit genes or not, no amount of warning prepares you for tinnitus. Until you have it yourself 24/7, you just don't comprehend. Problem is we kinda think we are bulletproof until we get shot. Just my opinion anyways...
       
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    22. Zugzug

      Zugzug Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame Advocate

      Tinnitus Since:
      05/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Autoimmune hyperacusis from Sjogren's Syndrome
      I've habituated to torture. That's for sure...
       
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    23. Dana
      Busy

      Dana Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2008
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Multi-factorial
      @jeremy06, do not despair. I wrote for somebody else in your thread, but you should try Clonazepam too, and you may see things differently.

      This stem cells treatment may be possible too in your future, in the meantime just take heart and maybe some Rivotril (which is cheap and made in a foreign country to me and totally unrelated to me except for that it saved my life, I don't have business interests in it).
       
    24. roy1159
      Suicidal

      roy1159 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Probably noise from working in a cafe' for 2 years
      I often wonder what my life would be like without all of this, just living like a normal human being. Human life is about overcoming obstacles, not enduring unbearable suffering with zero quality of life and 100% dysfunction, there is only so much dysfunction that I can accept at 21 - severe hearing loss and severe tinnitus (plus mild-moderate hyperacusis) is too much and doesn't allow to live a normal life.

      I only need to make peace with the fact that I'm going to die like a savage by offing myself but it is what it is... at this stage I'm not left with any other choice. I can't wait to be set free from this never ending nightmare.

      It's stupid how life can deteriorate that much and so much from what seems like petty choices. I'm cursed I guess.
       
      • Hug Hug x 3
    25. tpj
      Depressed

      tpj Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2008
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      probably noise
      Taking your own life is actually really, really difficult. I mean the will to go through with it. We're all being tortured, yet here we are. I wish I had cancer. I simply wouldn't get treatment and that would be the end of it.
       
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    26. Sironketchup

      Sironketchup Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      SSHL / Stress
      @roy1159 I know your pain...

      21 is actually really young, maybe think about pumping yourself full of drugs to survive the next 20 years.

      Just imagine what medicine will be able to fix in 20 years, I bet it's tinnitus.

      You can still off yourself in 20 years man.
       
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    27. Simon85

      Simon85 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      Nov 2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Probably noise exposure, but unknown.
      I’ll second this. Whole life ahead of you. Best to wait it out. Things will get easier either through an improvement of symptoms or eventual habituation. That’s not to say it’ll be easy, but I believe everyone in this thread can have a worthwhile life. I’ve been thinking of my granddad lately. He worked 30 years on the production line at Ford around loud machines. As a young kid I’d ask him about his hearing aids and what he hears - he’d just say ‘EEEEEEEE’ and then laugh. I had no idea what he was talking about at the time but totally get it now. Grandmaster habituation level.
       
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    28. AliasM
      Depressed

      AliasM Member

      Location:
      Australia
      Tinnitus Since:
      Dec 2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      ? Autoimmune, daily headaches, Ibuprofin, BP meds, Virus?
      I hope every day for cancer.

      I had chest pain the other night. Didn't go to hospital and I figured it was finally my time yet here I am.
       
    29. roy1159
      Suicidal

      roy1159 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Probably noise from working in a cafe' for 2 years
      It's living like a normal person that I seek, not surviving as I have had enough of this - almost a year of merely surviving, nothing got better during that period. I also have severe hearing problems that are unexplained, imagine all you hear is consonants suddenly for no reason and audiologic measures can't explain it. People with strokes and TBI don't end up like this. I don't have much more to suffer, only until my legs can allow me to walk. But boy does every minute feel like an eternity with this amount of suffering.
       
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    30. Zugzug

      Zugzug Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame Advocate

      Tinnitus Since:
      05/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Autoimmune hyperacusis from Sjogren's Syndrome
      God fucking dammit...
       
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