Suicidal

Discussion in 'Support' started by jeremy06, Oct 14, 2018.

    1. Matchbox

      Matchbox Member

      Location:
      BC Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      August 2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise Induced, Prednisone (drones), Barotrauma (distortions)
      Yeah agreed. Even the little static I get, I cherish some nights because it's hella better than thumps, hums and rings.
       
    2. Matchbox

      Matchbox Member

      Location:
      BC Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      August 2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise Induced, Prednisone (drones), Barotrauma (distortions)
      Man. Be careful. Once or twice a week is still too much imo. More like once a month.
      Klonopin works but your way sounds like a good way to have it stop working soon.

      0.5 mg "used" to work for me, and I refused to increase the dose knowing what was going on.
       
    3. Matchbox

      Matchbox Member

      Location:
      BC Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      August 2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise Induced, Prednisone (drones), Barotrauma (distortions)
      Man. I have friends who are dead because of "simple" mistakes that they could NOT have known.

      They trusted or weren't warned of the danger (and a lot of time it was the unknown unknowns). Granted flying is inherently dangerous, but at the end of the day, some mistakes you don't get to do twice.

      If I flew as much as they did maybe I'd be dead now too, no matter what I did/didn't do.

      Music was risky, I knew it was "bad" but certainly not like this, I exposed myself to those risks constantly... but imo it was an unknown unknown. Nobody told me the risks, I had no clue, no previous experience, just slam dunked into crazy shit no one's heard of before.

      What's worse is I've "had" real hearing loss in my life, I know what it's like. It is NOT like tinnitus/hyperacusis.

      I would gladly lose 10 dB to lose 10 dB of tinnitus.
       
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    4. Luman
      Spaced

      Luman Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Brooklyn
      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Intermittent Tinnitus probably noise induced
      No, it is not easier. It's more difficult to adjust to, than a steady sound, because the noise is not constant (although it can be sometimes). You can wake up and over the course of the day it lessens, you fall asleep for a minute while listening to music, and it comes back. It goes away one day, you think you're in the clear for a bit, then it returns - sometimes worse, or at least it's perceived that way, then another cycle begins. After a while, over time, you just don't care and are able to ignore it. The therapist that I went to a few years ago confirmed that Intermittent tinnitus was harder to habituate to.
       
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    5. TrevorSanders

      TrevorSanders Member

      Location:
      Ohio
      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise Exposure/Ototoxic Medication
      I've been doing this dose for 5 months and have noticed no decrease in the effect of it.
       
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    6. GBB

      GBB Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      NYC
      Tinnitus Since:
      2016-2019 (Mild, Cured) 8/2020 (Severe)
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Virus / Microsuction / Acoustic Trauma
      I have been taking Xanax once a week for 8 months and it's the same as ever.
       
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    7. Sayeed

      Sayeed Member Benefactor

      Location:
      miami fl
      Tinnitus Since:
      4/1/21
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unsure
      @GBB, hey brother... I just got prescribed Xanax... Scared to take it. Any words of advice? Do's and don'ts?

      I don't want to take it unless I'm having a completely unbearable day.
       
    8. GBB

      GBB Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      NYC
      Tinnitus Since:
      2016-2019 (Mild, Cured) 8/2020 (Severe)
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Virus / Microsuction / Acoustic Trauma
      Try it once and see what happens. I do .5mg. Unless you are an outlier taking it one time holds very little risk.

      It doesn't do anything scary to me, just makes the noise go down and relaxes me. Despite what is noted in literature, it can take 2-3 hours for it to work for me, so give it enough time.

      If it does work for you, then keep a log and make sure not to exceed using it more than 1x per week. I have a doc where I note every date I take it and the amount.

      Also, there are people on this forum who have taken benzos daily for years and it still works for them fine - they can't really stop, but they are still reaping the benefits. They are the minority but it's another data point to be aware of.

      Someone else will chime in and say taking benzos once fucked them up or something - this is likely possible but probably the rarest of all outcomes, though I am sympathetic to those people.
       
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    9. roy1159
      Suicidal

      roy1159 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Probably noise from working in a cafe' for 2 years
      I truly understand this. I live near an operational air base and F-15's are rattling the sky every few minutes, on some days less action and on others there is non stop noise and my tinnitus which is already severe reacts to this.
      Well is working in a noisy/semi-noisy café dangerous? How big of a mistake is that? Probably my biggest one lol.

      I agree with you regarding the ignorance of tinnitus, everybody knows hearing loss can result from noise exposure but never did I hear or know about tinnitus.

      As someone with severe hearing problems (can only understand face to face in quiet setting, anything else i hear is mumbling or consonants) that are unexplained by normal and extended audiometry, DPOAEs, ABR, brain MRI - this extent of hearing loss is more disabling than my severe tinnitus, you have no idea how it impairs cognitive function and everything you do daily that you consider normal. For others here that would take hearing loss over tinnitus, I guarantee you that you really won't if you knew how debilitating it is, and I have both that are severe so I'm not biased on this.
       
    10. Tanni
      Volatile

      Tanni Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      October 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      ???
      Hi Mia,

      I'm so sorry to hear about your situation.

      If it helps, I once had a horrible tinnitus spike, complete with new noises, that lasted about 5 months. I thought I was stuck with it, but then it went away completely and has never come back. Spikes can last a surprisingly long time, and it seems to me that tinnitus fluctuates a lot in the first few years, before eventually settling down. So please don't assume you are stuck with this new noise.

      You mention you have planned a date for suicide. Have you mentioned this to your GP? In case you are worried, they will not send you away or commit you - suicidal thoughts are quite common and they will not be shocked. They will just prioritise you for certain treatments such as talking therapy and medication. I had to speak to a couple of GPs before being taken seriously, but once I found one that did they were able to help me.

      I know reading the forum has made you a bit anxious about medication, but please remember that there will always be reports of negative reactions with any medication, as we all react differently.

      For what it's worth, I have used Zopiclone, Mirtazapine, Diazepam and Amitriptyline in the past. They all worked fine, with no change to my tinnitus. I'm not taking anything now.
       
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    11. GBB

      GBB Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      NYC
      Tinnitus Since:
      2016-2019 (Mild, Cured) 8/2020 (Severe)
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Virus / Microsuction / Acoustic Trauma
      pal.png
       
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    12. Zugzug

      Zugzug Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame Advocate

      Tinnitus Since:
      05/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Autoimmune hyperacusis from Sjogren's Syndrome
      @GBB, you have really made me ponder about Benzo vacations (once per month). It's a really good idea and not a style of thinking that many engage in. Obviously, addiction is not the way to go, but a mental health break is not a horrible thing.
       
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    13. GBB

      GBB Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      NYC
      Tinnitus Since:
      2016-2019 (Mild, Cured) 8/2020 (Severe)
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Virus / Microsuction / Acoustic Trauma
      I don't see the harm in it if done responsibly and in a manner cognizant of one's mental state over time.
       
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    14. Matchbox

      Matchbox Member

      Location:
      BC Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      August 2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise Induced, Prednisone (drones), Barotrauma (distortions)
      It probably really depends.

      My hearing loss was a flat out, can't hear in one ear, however I had the other ear to make up for it, everything sounded like mumbling and very quiet. It wasn't so selective as certain vowels just disappear. I get beeps over certain speech but I personally still "get" what's being said.

      Just my own comparison here, I'd have taken that instead of my tinnitus. That said a hearing aid would've worked for me and mine eventually rehealed (blew my eardrum away, needed reconstruction/grafts).
       
    15. Tezcatlipoca
      Question it

      Tezcatlipoca Member

      Location:
      Mexico
      Tinnitus Since:
      June 2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      NIHL
      Thank you so much for posting this. I'm going through a really rough patch and this is exactly my situation atm.
       
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    16. Tanni
      Volatile

      Tanni Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      October 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      ???
      No worries, Tezcatlipoca. When I'm going through a spike it really helps me to look through the forum and check how many people have reported that their spikes were temporary. They almost always are. There have even been some polls on here that have shown that spikes can last a surprisingly long time, but again almost always subside. This is especially common in the first few years, when tinnitus is still new.

      I hope this rough patch is over for you soon.
       
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    17. Forever hopeful
      Depressed

      Forever hopeful Member

      Location:
      USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      2015 resolved, 4/20 L ear, increase 2/21
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      2015,noise,2020-21 SNHL
      Have you tried a sound pillow? I have found that to be very, very helpful as I am a side sleeper. You can choose from a variety of sounds that you want to listen to from music to nature sounds. So when you put your head on the pillow you’ll be distracted by a noise that should comfort you and help you go to sleep versus listening to your tinnitus.

      Just a thought.
       
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    18. TheDanishGirl
      Sad

      TheDanishGirl Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Denmark
      Tinnitus Since:
      05/2017 (H since 06/2017)
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      long term noise exposure (headphones), maybe some stress.
      It seems I only have two moods now: indifferent to everything around me and pained or furious and crying. I wish a car would just hit me already and take me out of my misery.
       
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    19. roy1159
      Suicidal

      roy1159 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Probably noise from working in a cafe' for 2 years
      The last thing I'm really going to try is the jaw surgery, albeit I know it will probably have no effect on hearing problems and the tinnitus. I feel like I have turned senile from months of not understanding speech 95% of the time and the severe tinnitus - can't remember what I did 2 seconds ago let alone take part in cognitively demanding tasks, my young brain deteriorated so fast I feel like an old man cognitively.

      It's just pointless staying alive if I won't get better, it's just a miserable existence - I don't have 5% of the quality of life I used to have, I feel bad for saying this but I can't be disabled like this anymore. I won't compromise with a pointless existence at 21 - this is anything but life. I have had enough days like this drifting through life doing nothing but to realize I actually won't last longer existing like this.

      F*** my cursed life, really wish I had another choice.
       
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    20. Ed209

      Ed209 Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2015
      Have you ever tried taking Kratom? I'm not suggesting you do, as I have no experience of using it, and I'm not a Dr, but a friend of mine swears by it for helping with anxiety and depression.

      If you're really that low, it might be worth a shot. You can buy it online. This is where my friend gets his:

      https://www.kraatje.eu/contents/en-us/p4_Green_Malay_Kratom.html

      Just make sure it's legal in your country if you do.

      EDIT, I just read some of the reviews and this was at the top:

      CCB82D3B-2777-4630-B310-BCA7FDFB7CCB.jpeg

      You may also find this article of interest (only just read it myself):

      https://www.forbes.com/sites/davidk...o-use-the-botanical-medicine/?sh=661cd8f09ab0
       
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    21. TheDanishGirl
      Sad

      TheDanishGirl Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Denmark
      Tinnitus Since:
      05/2017 (H since 06/2017)
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      long term noise exposure (headphones), maybe some stress.
      Thank you for the tip. Sounds like a wonder drug. Sadly I found (googled it) it's illegal in my country, so there is probably no way for me obtain it.

      God I hate the government.
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    22. Lukee

      Lukee Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2021
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Breathing Exercise
      Glad to hear you’re at least trying something. I’d go all out. All the steroids possible, Ketamine, Kratom, Psilocybin, inject anything into my ear. Also LDN just based on your story. Try it since you literally have nothing to lose.
       
    23. Zugzug

      Zugzug Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame Advocate

      Tinnitus Since:
      05/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Autoimmune hyperacusis from Sjogren's Syndrome
      I'm a part of a torture simulation. I hope I'm at least providing good data.
       
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    24. GBB

      GBB Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      NYC
      Tinnitus Since:
      2016-2019 (Mild, Cured) 8/2020 (Severe)
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Virus / Microsuction / Acoustic Trauma
      Same. Exhaaaauuuuustting.
       
      • Hug Hug x 7
    25. Chinmoku

      Chinmoku Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Started with a cold, possibly worsened by medication/noise
      Same here. Worse and worse. This level of torture is unreal.
       
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    26. roy1159
      Suicidal

      roy1159 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Probably noise from working in a cafe' for 2 years
      What keeps me somewhat sane these days is the fact that I won't have to survive like this any longer than 2 weeks, I only have to try the jaw surgery. I have already set a date and a method for my departure.

      I can accept having to end my life if this means I won't live a life of full dysfunction because of baffling severe hearing problems and the unbearable tinnitus.

      Stupid fragile life, fell apart at age 21 because I worked at a café... What a joke.
       
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    27. Kriszti

      Kriszti Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2016/2017/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      Are you sure that you will see results right after the jaw surgery (or 2 weeks after the surgery if that's the waiting time you've set up for yourself)? Maybe it takes more time to see any positive effect?
       
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    28. Forever hopeful
      Depressed

      Forever hopeful Member

      Location:
      USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      2015 resolved, 4/20 L ear, increase 2/21
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      2015,noise,2020-21 SNHL
      Roy,

      It breaks my heart to read your posts. I feel so bad that you feel your only option is to end your life, but I would never presume to know your situation or the depths of your suffering. As a parent, I can imagine how devastated your parents must be as well.

      I agree with Kriszti that perhaps it may take longer for you to see if your jaw surgery leads to some improvement. Surgeries take a while to recover from.
       
    29. AliasM
      Depressed

      AliasM Member

      Location:
      Australia
      Tinnitus Since:
      Dec 2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      ? Autoimmune, daily headaches, Ibuprofin, BP meds, Virus?
      No one is taking my data. Pisses me off. No one seems to really be taking any data off of anyone. If somebody took some data off someone, maybe we would at least have some best practice evidence based guidelines for our condition that isn't self talk nonsense.

      My baseline increased again 3 weeks ago. I told my husband that I am applying to Pegasus. I dont have his support, and he will not come with me, but he sees I am suffering so won't stand in my way. At least if I get accepted it will stop me from making some irreversable heat of the moment decision on one of my mainly bad days. I look at all my prescription medication everyday and imagine it all going down my neck at once. Being accepted though my date would need to be at least a year out because, not kidding, we can't actually really leave Australia at the moment. Borders are tight in and out. It would give me a year though to soldier on knowing that a peaceful humane option is available to me at the end if things didn't significantly improve. If they do, only a few grand lost and I can afford it.

      If I don't get accepted I am pretty scared of what I may be capable of. I don't actually want to die. I just can't live like this and I've had enough of the torture and the suffering. I know my case isn't typical. I read Tinnitus pages and I relate to no one. Every hour out of 24 in each day is a struggle with my ears, including the ones we are meant to be asleep.
       
      • Hug Hug x 5
    30. Gary Pitts

      Gary Pitts Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      12/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      Bose Sleepbuds II are a wonderful noise distraction at night. They have white, pink, and brown noise along with other nature and/or distracting sounds and stay in your ear all night without falling out. I like mine a lot.
       
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