Suicidal

Discussion in 'Support' started by jeremy06, Oct 14, 2018.

    1. Contrast
      No Mood

      Contrast Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Clown World
      Tinnitus Since:
      late 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      noise injury
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    2. kingsfan
      Mellow

      kingsfan Member

      Location:
      Southern California
      Tinnitus Since:
      Sep 17 '20 / Oct 20 '20 / Mar 31 '21
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      turning everything up to 11
      Same with me, I was just purely ignorant through my teens and 20's. Went to shows constantly. Played multiple shows a week. several tours where we played nearly every night. hours long practices in tiny practice studios. Many times I'd lose hearing for days after and didn't think anything about it. Hated wearing earplugs. could never really hear myself during gigs with them and just felt disconnected from the music.

      gave up playing live music to focus on family around 28 years old, but still continued to blast music in my car and through headphones.

      My ears lasted a long long time through tons of punishment. Now they are just deteriorating every couple of months no matter how hard I try to protect them.
       
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    3. Tezcatlipoca
      Question it

      Tezcatlipoca Member

      Location:
      Mexico
      Tinnitus Since:
      June 2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      NIHL
      Having a bad week. Do you guys think there will be at least 1 good treatment by the end of the decade?

      The fucking expectation or anticipation or lack of "sure things" is what's killing me. If there was a timer counting down to a good treatment I'd feel so much better. I know there's now a lot of people working on tinnitus and hearing loss and even one is bound to be successful, but still.
       
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    4. Brian Newman

      Brian Newman Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      12/28/16
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Shooting/loud noise
      Tinnitus sucks, especially if it’s horribly loud, but having bad dysacusis and hyperacusis is a whole new hell. I had everything. Now I lost it. I had to give up the family business because it’s too loud for my ears. I lost 20 pounds of muscle, used to be jacked 7 months ago, now a shriveled up stick.

      My dysacusis is so damn hard to habituate to. I have a wine glass hum to everything, and a fluttering sound. If I try to workout I develop a new tone of dysacusis on top of the other ones. Last week I almost had silence. I was walking down the street at 1 am, no ringing, no hissing, no fluttering, no terrible distortion. The feeling of silence was absolutely amazing. I can’t even explain how happy I felt, I never wanted the moment to end. At least I get silence sometimes, I feel horrible for you guys my age with bad hearing loss and unmaskable tinnitus. My only upside is that I have better hearing than most people on this planet. My ringing sometimes gets very quiet or very loud. It’s been 6 months since my distortions and bad hyperacusis started.

      Please, anybody help, I have been to so many doctors and ENTs. I don’t know what to do. I got the distortions and hyperacusis right after deadlifting 455 at the gym with ear plugs in. Whenever I strain too much my ears get horrible full again and the next day I’m left with a new distortion. I tried a month off the gym, Prednisone, diuretics, Zinc, Magnesium, Lipoflavonoid.

      I even ruled out a fistula, got a CT scan, which showed nothing. I’m going to the chiropractor to treat C1 and C2 .They ordered an MRI but I cancelled because of the noise it makes. I can’t keep living like this, I’m honestly ready to die. I just wish the worst damage could be done so I could begin to habituate. It just keeps changing. I want my life back so bad. My family thinks I’m lying about my ear problems, they think I’m over exaggerating. I hate them for it.

      Any thoughts from anybody? I have gone through every single page on the internet searching for an answer. I still cannot even get a hint from anything.
       
    5. Tymon Douglas
      Furious

      Tymon Douglas Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      1 year ago
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      I feel like I'm on my limit too, It's been months since I've last had a decent night of sleep. I get ringing on both ears if I rest them on a pillow. Nothing masks it. I'm going insane. It's 3:19 AM and I don't know what to do.
       
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    6. GBB

      GBB Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      NYC
      Tinnitus Since:
      2016-2019 (Mild, Cured) 8/2020 (Severe)
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Virus / Microsuction / Acoustic Trauma
      Have you tried low dose Mirtazapine for sleep?
       
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    7. Tymon Douglas
      Furious

      Tymon Douglas Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      1 year ago
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      I'm taking Trazodone 50 mg as anti-depressant, ENT said it would help with sleep. I was taking Cyclobenzaprine 10 mg but I wasn't feeling anything different.
       
    8. Matchbox

      Matchbox Member

      Location:
      BC Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      August 2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise Induced, Prednisone (drones), Barotrauma (distortions)
      Unless you got a blood patch trial, I'm amazed as to how you ruled out a fistulae when they are notoriously difficult to diagnose. There is usually hearing loss but it need not be permanent nor you unable to walk dizzy. Those are clear cut cases that won't get better. If all it took was a minimal risk blood patch, wouldn't we all feel profanely silly?
       
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    9. Steph1710
      Old hag

      Steph1710 Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      08/04/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Antibiotics - I think
      I was having a bad day, but this quote alone is enough to keep me going. Ha!
       
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    10. Robster
      Irritated

      Robster Member

      Location:
      South Gloucestershire, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      January 2021
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic trauma - MRI
      I know that feeling. I've had quite a few nights of little sleep since the onset of tinnitus, but now I've experienced my first night of absolutely zero sleep because of my tinnitus.
       
    11. GBB

      GBB Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      NYC
      Tinnitus Since:
      2016-2019 (Mild, Cured) 8/2020 (Severe)
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Virus / Microsuction / Acoustic Trauma
      Okay, well I can only give you my experience, but Mirtazapine + Melatonin is like horse tranquilizer.
       
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    12. Chinmoku

      Chinmoku Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Started with a cold, possibly worsened by medication/noise
      Mirtazapine is very effective for sleep I found, especially at tiny doses, but it would leave me very depressed in the morning.

      Does it have any impact on your mood?

      I'm sleeping very poorly and too little and I am thinking whether I could try it again. It has the reputation of not being ototoxic for some reason, although there are testimonies here on the forum of people getting tinnitus even from Mirtazapine. The fact that it is serotonergic worries me, but at very low doses it seems to be still effective for sleep and the serotonergic component should be minimal/non-existent.
       
    13. GBB

      GBB Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      NYC
      Tinnitus Since:
      2016-2019 (Mild, Cured) 8/2020 (Severe)
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Virus / Microsuction / Acoustic Trauma
      It hasn't really impacted my mood - if anything it stabilized me by restoring sleep/appetite. That being said, I've lowered my dose from 30 mg to 7.5 mg as I prefer to take as little as possible. As long as it keeps sedating me I'll likely stay at that dose.
       
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    14. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      Your tinnitus actually reduces after/while taking it?
       
    15. Zugzug

      Zugzug Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame Advocate

      Tinnitus Since:
      05/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Autoimmune hyperacusis from Sjogren's Syndrome
      I agree. The actual reality is that God is a gosh darn worthless and merciless entity, that likely doesn't exist and is just an imaginary thing to talk to in our minds. Shucks, it's sad when it watches people experience torture and does nothing to help. Frick, dang, gee willikers, God is inadequate.
       
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    16. serendipity1996
      No Mood

      serendipity1996 Member Podcast Patron Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown but suspect noise-induced
      I don't think Mirtazapine is generally considered ototoxic - if it helps, I have been on it for 4+ years with no effect whatsoever on my tinnitus or hyperacusis.
       
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    17. Chinmoku

      Chinmoku Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Started with a cold, possibly worsened by medication/noise
      Thank you for this information. Do you take a low or high dosage, if you are willing to say?
       
    18. Zugzug

      Zugzug Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame Advocate

      Tinnitus Since:
      05/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Autoimmune hyperacusis from Sjogren's Syndrome
      I take half of a 7.5 mg pill every night before bed. Knocks me out well. I think Mirtazapine is a pretty damn good drug for people with tinnitus and hyperacusis. I've heard that higher doses cause less sedation, but I'm not sure how true this is.
       
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    19. Brian Newman

      Brian Newman Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      12/28/16
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Shooting/loud noise
      I mean honestly I hope it’s a fistula, I have no hearing loss at all man. I’m having problems in both my ears, that’s why I’m thinking it’s not it. I talked to 5 ENTs who had patients with fistulas, they all said their patients were falling and stumbling everywhere, and we’re throwing up. And I know I don’t really trust ENTs but it makes sense.

      In the beginning it was just my right ear fluttering, and both ears having distortion. Then I took Prednisone, got the fluttering in my left ear (I never had any noises in my left ear until Prednisone), and after a few weeks it went away. Ever since the car accident I have had terrible fluttering that came back in my left ear and that has not gone away.

      Every time I do any strain like lifting, sneezing, or bending over it gets worse. The ears get horribly full and hurt. The next day I wake up with the fluttering being permanently louder, and distortions worse.
       
    20. serendipity1996
      No Mood

      serendipity1996 Member Podcast Patron Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown but suspect noise-induced
      I started out with 15 mg but have mostly been on 30 mg for the past 3 years.
       
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    21. Autumnwillows

      Autumnwillows Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      April 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud door alarm in ear.
      Sorry for later reply.

      Well, it's all gone to pot as the doctor won't prescribe me anything but anti-depressants and the ones he did are no good looking on here as to potential side effects to my tinnitus, he didn't even try.

      Took the Zopiclone, only half, and had three days of horror, triggered a severe anxiety response, I had nightmares, massive night time spikes, spent the day shaking and want to pass out, was horrible, and now feel depleted more so and fed up of trying to help myself to then fail again. So many swear words I just can't.

      Thanks @TrevorSanders, for your advice, and @Lukee, for the article about ketamine, though I doubt my docter would take anything I have to bring to the table as worth his time at this point. But yes, I felt happy and safe and around family then I wouldn't consider it like I do, I'm currently living an hour from my kids and barely see them, and what's worse is I moved to escape local aircraft, and now since lockdown has lifted guess what local aircraft, back to being stuck inside and crippling fear!

      If I could get up every day and live, yes I would live, but knowing what my future is hurts my heart and waiting to see if that gets better is its own hell.

      @Dana, I'm so pleased they help you, it's kinda what I was hoping to do with them, but he said they are not for tinnitus so won't give them to me, I mean what is for tinnitus huh lol.

      @newfie, I understand where you're coming from, thank you, but honestly thinking of their pain is always on my mind. I don't want to leave them, but I'm not the mum I used to be, I've not lived with them for 6 months and it's not right, just as leaving them permanently isn't right but I can't be that strong. I should be, I wish I was, I might surprise myself. Right now suicide is my only possible relief.

      Sorry if I missed anyone out or got confused about replies .

      Mia.
       
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    22. Backpacker

      Backpacker Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      SSHL
      Why do you keep straining and bending over?
      Then stop straining.

      And about the sneezing, if you feel you absolutely have to sneeze, do it with your mouth wide open (preferably standing or sitting) and do not pinch your nose while sneezing.
       
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    23. Matchbox

      Matchbox Member

      Location:
      BC Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      August 2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise Induced, Prednisone (drones), Barotrauma (distortions)
      Ah yes. Just stop doing everything we cared about and not fix the main issue from even accidental worsening.

      Many people who workout do it for the endorphins, not doing it should be a negotiation... but even if it was avoided it could accidentally happen, or get worse for no fault of your own. The issue isn't the working out/straining, the issue is non-pursuit of a clearly reproducible problem via diagnostics or initial treatment because it isn't "bad enough", and we're supposed to wait until it is (and likely permanent then).
       
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    24. TrevorSanders

      TrevorSanders Member

      Location:
      Ohio
      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise Exposure/Ototoxic Medication
      Yes, significantly. It’s the same sensation as being drunk.
       
    25. TheDanishGirl
      Sad

      TheDanishGirl Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Denmark
      Tinnitus Since:
      05/2017 (H since 06/2017)
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      long term noise exposure (headphones), maybe some stress.
      Be very careful with Mirtazapine. Both my tinnitus and pain hyperacusis have gotten worse while on it (oh and I was "blessed" with lots of floaters too). I hate this drug and wish I never got on it. My depression, and anxiety have gone through the roof on it.
       
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    26. Brian Newman

      Brian Newman Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      12/28/16
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Shooting/loud noise
      I know, also working out is the only thing keeping me from losing my shit. When I took a month off to let it heal it very slowly got better but at that rate it would take years. My depression was absolutely terrible. The gym helps so much. It has to be inner ear pressure or Eustachian tube dysfunction. It’s just so hard to figure out.
       
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    27. Autumnwillows

      Autumnwillows Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      April 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud door alarm in ear.
      Need to rant. Sorry people but I just don't understand life, I lived in a town next to a helicopter manufacturers, in fact my house right next to it and under a main flight path, I lived there a year, trapped inside each day before it got too much and moved to my sister's an hour away, it was good to start and I would try head back for weekends until a spike stopped me. Now I'm in Devon and it turns out I'm under not only a flight path for an air base in Wales but there is a small flightstrip and club near by! Once lockdown lifted it has been like Heathrow Airport! Light air craft right up to Chinook and even two harrier jets.

      Anyway. I want to go back home this weekend. First time since march, car travel scares me but I thought as bank holiday I have a few days in-between and have three solid days without helicopters to have a break.

      Then I wake up to an email, saying they will be flying all weekend.

      I'm sorry but you can't make this stuff up! I'm so stressed and so fed up I just can't get a bloody break. Needed to vent, amongst everything else going on for me I really didn't need this.
       
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    28. Autumnwillows

      Autumnwillows Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      April 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud door alarm in ear.
      @TheDanishGirl, I agree with being wary of Mirtazapine. I haven't taken it for tinnitus, but when I first got CFS I took it and at first it was nice for sleep, but after a while it made me so much worse, I started craving sugar, and alcohol and would be very depressed so much so one day I took the whole packet. Never again. It's not to scare people as it works well for most. But you must keep an eye on your existing depression and discontinue should you feel that gets worse. Not just keep going like my doctor suggested.
       
    29. Luman
      Spaced

      Luman Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Brooklyn
      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Intermittent Tinnitus probably noise induced
      The turning point for me, in terms of recovery from psychological problems due to tinnitus, came when I stopped hoping for a cure and concentrated on learning how to adapt to living with this condition.
       
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    30. GBB

      GBB Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      NYC
      Tinnitus Since:
      2016-2019 (Mild, Cured) 8/2020 (Severe)
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Virus / Microsuction / Acoustic Trauma
      You list your tinnitus as intermittent, meaning it is not constant? I could see that being much easier to simply accept.
       
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