Suicidal

I don't know. I started taking Keppra a month ago and started taking Clonazepam, so it could be either one of them that broke the cycle of worsening.

 

Thank you. I might start to take some meds soon too. Does anyone know where could I get Trobalt? Thanks...

 

Trobalt is discontinued. I don't think you can get it unfortunately, unless you order it from China or something. Check the Trobalt thread. It's a dangerous drug, though.

 

Thanks. I know about the dangerous side effects, but I've been shitting my pants these last weeks and specially these days I have been just worsening through the days for no reason... I would take anything or do anything to at least stop it...

I will have a look if I can get it anywhere...

 

Change your diet to low histamine ASAP, isolate from ALL noise, and look into getting benzos (just to stop the worsening).

 

Why not try taking precursors to GABA, rather than ending up on the benzo slippery slope?

 

Benzos taken for short term, 1-2 weeks, is relatively safe.

 

I do not know if you read my intro post. I am not sure if my tinnitus is originally benzo induced or due to ototoxic meds + sound exposure... I literally had a lot of factors... I am beyond desperate...

 

If you don't have hyperacusis, are you able to have a temporal CT scan to rule out superior canal dehiscence or otosclerosis? Or maybe some other issues with the middle ear?

 

I don’t think you should take it.

But I would ask around more locally rather than order something bogus from China. If alcohol, antidepressants, Diazepam or anti-seizure meds have no effect on your tinnitus, then save your energy...

 

Any have word on @Brian P or @Jon R.?

 

After getting somewhat stable I had another serious relapse and the tinnitus is literally 50 times louder. Can't take it anymore. Going to end it. Goodbye.

 

How are you now?

 

I was actually very near the brink. After taking some meds and sleeping for 10 hours I woke up to a much easier to handle hiss that lasted a couple hours. Unfortunately if I do something that involves remotely ANY sound at all the tones start adding up and get worse.

 

I’m losing my ability to read and use screen due to my neuro disorder. I haven’t slept for days because simple mind activity stimulates my nervous system and dreaming fucks me up. I’m giving it till 1. March for LDN and Cerebrolysin to fix it. It’s getting worse and worse, and the worse it gets, the faster the worsening. I’m snowballing down to hell. Can’t take it.

I think it’s fair enough for me to say by now that Life has been very cruel to me. Cancer twice (testicular cancer to boot, both times...), severe CFS/ME that crippled me to my bed and rendered me physically unable to neither move nor communicate for almost a year, severe candida infection which gets worse and worse with time because I can’t go without carbs without making my neuro disorder worse, this neuro disorder that has completely destroyed my sensory system, and of course severe tinnitus and hyperacusis.

Unfortunately none of these have been able to kill me, and so now I must prepare for the ultimate challenge of my life: to override my programming, and end it myself.

 

I don't know what to say @danielthor.

I haven't known you long, but I can just tell you're such a warm and intelligent guy.

It just isn't right for such a decent person to have to suffer so much misery in their life.

All I can say is, please keep trying everything in order to stabilise, until some decent treatments come about (for both our tinnitus and your neurodegenerative illness). Because I really want to meet you (and your epic record collection!) one day in the future.

As long as we're alive, there's always a chance things will suddenly get better than we ever could have imagined.

I myself live to let the universe show me that.

 

I cannot take this anymore. Something even worse than tinnitus has happened to me on top of the tinnitus. I can’t walk due to an ankle injury, for over half a year now. I just want to kill myself soon. I haven’t slept in days. I’ve been lying in bed for over 8 hours now. I can’t believe this has happened to me. I’m in my early 20s. I haven’t gone outside in weeks except to see the doctor and I want to scream. I feel like this is hell.

 

What’s wrong with the ankle...? Isn’t there a fix for that at least...?

 

It’s a tendon injury. I sprained it, and then walked miles on it and twisted it again, trying to get to my car (I couldn’t get out of this.) I fear this, and the worsening I suffered due to a frostbite injury permanently affected it. I’ve been living with it and going to doctors for it for 7 months and I can’t take it anymore. The doctors just don’t know what to do after typical treatments failed. I was very hopeful and my hopes keep getting crushed with each setback and each month that passes.

 

I see... those things can be difficult.

I have Achilles Tendinitis on both heels. Right type of shoes and not walking tends to help me. Mine is a light case but I do know it’s a slow process and difficult to get completely well.

I’ve heard last resort is surgery?

Maybe you should look into some cortisone injections eventually if it’s not been done yet.

I don’t know if it can help your case but a friend had some sort of physiotherapy with a knocking device and laser. He had plantar fasciitis.

Sending a “happy” weekend hug <3

 

I also have not been able to sleep in days. I am only able to get 2 hours of sleep every other day. With the strongest sleeping medication. Without sleep drugs, none at all. The activity in my brain is so overactive from the severe stress of these multiple ailments, I cannot sleep. My body is in fight or flight mode, much worse than before when it was just the tinnitus. It terrifies me how easily things can get so much worse. It is torture. Why couldn't it have been a terminal illness? At least then I'd know it would end. The suffering is extreme. I am slowly overcoming survival instinct. I can't handle this. I am in constant fear.

 

@AnthonyMcDonald, just curious how Keppra is doing for you? Do you have reactive tinnitus or hyperacusis?

 

@Ed209, how long did it take for your brain “zaps” to go away? I am having high frequency zaps that sound like car breaks squealing along with high frequency hissing. The shrill frequency brings about a sensation of pain, almost like an electrical shock. It sounds like what you might’ve experienced, too. The zaps are sometimes aggressive, meaning once every 15 or so seconds. Sometimes they’re more mild and not so painful, like once per minute.

 

I had a partial tear in my plantar fascia few years ago, that was misdiagnosed as plantar fasciitis.

The treatment was offloading the mechanical strain with a moon boot. I didn't need surgery. Was very painful.

It took 8 months in the boot to heal.

 

I am reading a book at the moment by Ram Dass called ‘Still Here’.

I would recommend it.

He talks of our two states - our Soul Body which is awareness and is always watching. He believes it is what goes beyond death. The other state is our Ego. Always struggling, ruminating catastrophising and planning. It is the Ego which suffers.

Last night I was in Hell. Loud screaming high pitched tinnitus along with bilateral pulsatile tinnitus. I noticed my awareness was calm in the middle of all the madness. I resisted the urge to continue the disaster scenarios in my head although of course they arise unbidden.
I like the book also because Ram Dass himself suffered a stroke while writing the book which left him with severe speech problems and some paralysis. He lived a joyful and productive further 23 years using his techniques.

There’s a lot in the book about preparing meaningfully for death.

I am using the hell I’m in now to tie up my affairs.

I honestly don’t know if I’ll survive this round with tinnitus and pulsatile tinnitus.

I want to use the time wisely in preparation for what may be before me.

 

Thanks, I bought the boot

My new life is more or less sitting inside a house, so foot is okay. I do feel them being short / tight.

 

Start getting some sunlight. It will do wonders for you lol.

 

Lucky for me it’s not been sunny in a month or two I wish they could cancel summer too...

 

@Exit, do you still have a “brakes” sound? I am getting what I’d describe as car breaks zapping at different intensities throughout the day. They are very high frequency zaps that cause sensations of pain. Is this what you have or had? Thanks for the help.

 

Hey

I wouldn’t describe it as zapping like in fleeting tinnitus if that’s what you mean. I still got it unfortunately...

It’s just like a squealing bus brake in two different pitches going up and down all day long in response to sound, or touch / movement...

No pain or ache from this.