Suicidal

Discussion in 'Support' started by jeremy06, Oct 14, 2018.

    1. GBB

      GBB Member

      Location:
      NYC
      Tinnitus Since:
      2016-2019 (Mild, Cured) 8/2020 (Severe)
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Microsuction / Additional Acoustic Trauma in Close Proximity
      I started Mirtazapine because I couldn’t sleep and had no appetite. I layered in Nortriptyline after some time because it was purported to also help tinnitus/hyperacusis albeit mildly. It’s not a bottom-up neurochemical approach.
       
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    2. GBB

      GBB Member

      Location:
      NYC
      Tinnitus Since:
      2016-2019 (Mild, Cured) 8/2020 (Severe)
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Microsuction / Additional Acoustic Trauma in Close Proximity
      A door slammed today and my tinnitus is mega spiked. Really hoped by 6 months I’d have more durability than this. It’s so tough - I can’t even sleep because the volume is so loud, even with sleep meds.
       
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    3. dan
      Chatty

      dan Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Toronto, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise
      You need to get referred to a psychologist. When you get the appointment, let me know.
       
    4. dan
      Chatty

      dan Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Toronto, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise
      I thought you were improving.
       
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    5. GBB

      GBB Member

      Location:
      NYC
      Tinnitus Since:
      2016-2019 (Mild, Cured) 8/2020 (Severe)
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Microsuction / Additional Acoustic Trauma in Close Proximity
      The only change that I can say 100% never wavers, is that my eeee of the first two months is now lower tones like wawawa or tss tss tss. The volume of that can still be nauseating though and many days it’s hard to function.
       
    6. dan
      Chatty

      dan Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Toronto, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise
      So you have wawawa and a ts ts ts - how loud?
      Today I knocked over a glass into the sink! Is this BANG BANG day?
       
    7. dan
      Chatty

      dan Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Toronto, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise
      Do you mind changing your avatar more in focus, it's making me dizzy.
       
    8. vermillion
      Whistles

      vermillion Member Podcast Patron Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      12/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Possibly from Fluconazole / H + Dysacusis later on
      I hate this place. I can't survive due to the motorbikes. Each time I need to force myself out to go do the groceries, I am beaten. Earplugs + Peltor muffs are my crutches but even those don't feel enough sometimes.

      @Matchbox, how are you doing?
      I'm reading your posts man...
      So you think everything for you comes down to the steroids?

      @__nico__, very lucky to have a significant one that understands. Very hard to pull off a relationship under this shit. I've realised that dating is in vain, let alone dangerous as it pushes you into risky stuff. Being alone is depressive but it's more comfortable with hyperacusis.

      This is a sad life. There's literally nothing to hold on to.
       
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    9. GBB

      GBB Member

      Location:
      NYC
      Tinnitus Since:
      2016-2019 (Mild, Cured) 8/2020 (Severe)
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Microsuction / Additional Acoustic Trauma in Close Proximity
      It's not too dissimilar from the David Case Tinnitus Mix if you have heard that. There is some buzzing, some wawawa, some tss tss tss like a tiny cymbal. It's loud enough to hear anywhere in my house and over the TV. Occasionally I'll have a better day where it is harder to hear in my living room with fridge/TV etc... but of those are rare. When it spikes nothing can mask it, it's like being on a hallucinogenic roller coaster.
       
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    10. Jrblovsky

      Jrblovsky Member

      Location:
      USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      Christmas 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      NOISE/Menieres Who knows
      I feel for you man. Fuck this noise.
       
    11. __nico__
      No Mood

      __nico__ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2003
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      chemo/barotrauma/noise/autoimmune disorder
      I feel extremely suicidal today. Not really about tinnitus or hyperacusis. I am kind of misusing this forum to complain about other severe health problems I have that are equally as hopeless, physically and mentally. There aren't really many places to vent about suicidality without being shamed but holy shit, I lose more and more reasons to live daily.
       
      • Hug Hug x 6
    12. Uklawyer

      Uklawyer Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Medication - antidepressants
      GBB. How are you going man? I am about ready to mmpack it all in.
       
    13. GBB

      GBB Member

      Location:
      NYC
      Tinnitus Since:
      2016-2019 (Mild, Cured) 8/2020 (Severe)
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Microsuction / Additional Acoustic Trauma in Close Proximity
      I’ve had some good days but more bad ones. It seems like there are maybe 2 things that I can say for sure have transpired over the last 7-ish months.

      1) My Eeee has changed to a combination of lower tones, tssss, wawawa, and a sound like a strong wind howling. I rarely if ever hear high pitched tones anymore, though it happens occasionally.

      2) Although marginally, my noise tolerance seems to have increased a little. I can listen to music on external speakers louder, though certain kinds of white noise and fans still spike me without fail, even at very gentle volumes. Clearly I have some sort of frequency specific issue - either hyper activity in parts of the ear or the brain, or both.

      Overall I’d say things have improved 2 points on a scale out of 10 in 7 months, though there are many nights I still break down and cry, and I live a far from normal life. Some days in terms of volume I’m easily still at a point of suicidal ideation e.g. nothing can mask it and it feels like my head is absolutely filed with sound. I’m 28 and instead of blazing a path in a corporate career, I live with my parents and wear earplugs when I shower or when they vacuum...

      It’s tough/torture. I guess I’m just persisting in the belief some therapy will help me in the future, the same as many here.
       
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    14. Uklawyer

      Uklawyer Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Medication - antidepressants
      And the Mirtazapine/Amitriptyline combo? Are they working? Any anxiety? Any Benzos?

      Best
       
    15. GBB

      GBB Member

      Location:
      NYC
      Tinnitus Since:
      2016-2019 (Mild, Cured) 8/2020 (Severe)
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Microsuction / Additional Acoustic Trauma in Close Proximity
      They help me sleep like the dead. Without them I’d probably never get any sleep. My mood is substantially improved versus when I wasn’t on them - I literally think I’d be dead without them. They don’t do much for volume though.

      I take Xanax about once a week. On days when I take it the volume is substantially reduced. I wish I could take it every day because it works really damn well.
       
    16. Uklawyer

      Uklawyer Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Medication - antidepressants
      That's good to know. And no hangover effects? Did you start on them both at the same time - or did you try one and see an effect? And was the combination prescribed by a doctor?
       
    17. GBB

      GBB Member

      Location:
      NYC
      Tinnitus Since:
      2016-2019 (Mild, Cured) 8/2020 (Severe)
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Microsuction / Additional Acoustic Trauma in Close Proximity
      I started them staggered, and yes it was under the care of a psychiatrist. No hangover.
       
    18. Matchbox

      Matchbox Member

      Location:
      BC Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      August 2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise Induced, Prednisone (drones), Barotrauma (distortions)
      I read an interesting article with some good evidence that neuron atrophy as opposed to hair cell loss during "normal" volume events is likely the reason our tinnitus gets worse and sometimes slowly better.

      Apparently it happens really slowly, nerves dying up to a two years in mice after the noise insult (assumed to be longer in humans), they sit there un-synapsed in the meantime, but if they are convinced to be "re-synapsed" and stretch back to the hair cell with neurotrophins to convince /guide them, the problem is resolved. Also talks about hidden hearing loss as the basis of your "maximum transmission volume" being reduced, and how we can all pass hearing tests (specifically why it would never show up). Would also help explain why Prednisone helps when it really shouldn't (almost none gets into the cochlear perilymph unless you're taking levels akin to having an MS attack).

      M Charles Liberman: Noise-induced and age-related hearing loss: new perspectives and potential therapies

      So let's not be offing ourselves until these neurotrophin factors can be injected into our ears. Too bad there's not a lot of data on diets / habits to convince the upregulation of these factors. Chronic stress & depression from what I've read won't help, but exercise will.
       
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    19. ajc

      ajc Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2002; spike 2009; worse 2017-18
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud music - noise damage
      @jeremy06 started this thread on October 18, 2018.

      He wrote the following then.
      It's now been more than 2 years, and he is still alive:

      upload5.png

      I wanted to post this so people understand the nature of the beast. Suicidal ideation is not uncommon, but committing suicide is.

      Most of us here saying we want to die will be alive 2 years from now, just like @jeremy06 is.
       
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    20. GBB

      GBB Member

      Location:
      NYC
      Tinnitus Since:
      2016-2019 (Mild, Cured) 8/2020 (Severe)
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Microsuction / Additional Acoustic Trauma in Close Proximity
      Is this related to any of the pharmaceuticals currently in the pipeline or something completely different?
       
    21. FGG
      No Mood

      FGG Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Hall of Fame Advocate

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Multi-factorial
      These would be your synaptopathy drugs: OTO-413, PIPE-505 and Hough Ear Institute Pill.

      Synaptopathy is probably more common than hair cell loss for at least more mild noise injury.
       
    22. Jrblovsky

      Jrblovsky Member

      Location:
      USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      Christmas 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      NOISE/Menieres Who knows
      Sorry bro. I'm in the same boat except I have a wife and kids. I went from high dollar MBA to fucked in under 60 seconds.

      It’s tough/torture. I guess I’m just persisting in the belief some therapy will help me in the future, the same as many here.
       
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    23. Marin
      Depressed

      Marin Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      6/18/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      SSNHL... probably previous noise exposure, too
      I just want to be able to take my kids to the park or even play a simple board game with them without horrific ear pain. I know stress and depression can make things worse, but it’s impossible not to be depressed when I’ve lost so much and nothing I try helps. My ears have ruined my life, and I feel so hopeless.
       
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    24. GBB

      GBB Member

      Location:
      NYC
      Tinnitus Since:
      2016-2019 (Mild, Cured) 8/2020 (Severe)
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Microsuction / Additional Acoustic Trauma in Close Proximity
      Sorry to hear. I had to turn down MBB consulting because of this shit. Even if I ever heal, it's already changed the course of my life irrevocably.
       
    25. Orions Pain
      Sad

      Orions Pain Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      A series of unfortunate events
      The worst feeling is lying in bed and it all hits at once. Sometimes I’m able to block out my horrible reality and just be present but when all my old memories flood in I realize how much life absolutely sucks now and how time is just being wasted. These are supposed to be the best years of my life and I’m NEVER going to get this time back. My one shot at life and I’m disabled in my twenties to the point where I can’t leave my house. I’ve developed PTSD from this entire experience.
       
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    26. Leila
      Probing

      Leila Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      1 chiropractic treatment, 2 and 3 no cause
      Have any of your doctors ever looked into Hashimoto's disease? It comes with a long list of oftentimes seemingly unrelated symptoms (some of which can be tinnitus, headaches, vertigo, ...) so that, if you're lucky and the thyroid aspect is caught, you'll end up with some kind of thyroid medication, which, at least, helps with one/some of the symptoms, if not, though, it'll eventually boil down to some kind of psychotropic drug, because <sarcasm on> if there's nothing wrong with you physically it's got to be your psyche that's at fault <sarcasm off>.

      I'm not trying to give you some kind of diagnosis here, but sometimes many individual symptoms might be part of a bigger picture and are worth being looked at as a whole.
       
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    27. Gabriel5050
      Lucky

      Gabriel5050 Member Podcast Patron Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise exposure (most likely)
      Sometimes I wonder how I'm not more suicidal. This has been getting only worse for me. I can't leave my house and inside I try my best to keep silence... I don't know what to say... I anticipate that my tinnitus will only get worse because that's what it's been doing until now.... I wish good luck to my future self, cause he's gonna need a lot of it.
       
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    28. shelbynn

      shelbynn Member

      Location:
      Michigan
      Tinnitus Since:
      T 11/20, D and H 1/21
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Idiopathic
      I don't even care about my tinnitus anymore. The horrible garbled noises of running water, wind, any kind of "white noise" has truly stolen my joy. The only grounding thing in my life was sound. I used to stand outside by the river and close my eyes and hear the wind in the trees and tall grass, the running hum of the river, birds in the trees and instantly feel calm and peace. Now it all sounds hellishly distorted.

      I finally got a refill of my Xanax. Any idea if I took the whole bottle it would for sure kill me?

      30 pills .5 mg each.
       
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    29. Simon85

      Simon85 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      Nov 2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Probably noise exposure, but unknown.
      @shelbynn, please don’t attempt to swallow any pills or otherwise hurt yourself. I’m sure you have family and other people who love you. It’s also important to try and be kind to yourself over this period. I get that sound distortions are crushing. I’ve been a musician for most of my life but now I struggle to hear the music... at times all I hear is the distortion. What I will say is that the distortions can get better. Ears can take up to 2 years to heal and we are in this for the long haul. At the onset of my symptoms I turned my laptop speakers on low, started to move them up at 20/100 and could not hear the music at all, not a solitary note, only the distortion. This has improved over a period of months but I’m far from out of the woods yet.

      It’s also worth noting that many people vent about suicide on this thread, but they’ll likely be back later. Also, many suicide attempts fail. Life can always get worse and you don’t want to end up a vegetable or paralysed with only tinnitus and sound distortions for company. I know this is a dark point but it’s worth keeping in mind. What if you’re completely cured in 12 months? I think the best option is to wait it out and protect your ears.

      Sending much love to anyone finding themselves on this thread,
      Simon.
       
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    30. Lasse S

      Lasse S Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      12/2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic trauma
      It will not, no need to try it.

      Sorry you are feeling this bad. I don't know for how long you have had this sound distortion. The only thing that has improved for me since it all started is my sound distortion. My tinnitus, hyperacusis and noxacusis on the other hand has deteriorated massively.
       
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