Suicidal

Discussion in 'Support' started by jeremy06, Oct 14, 2018.

    1. TinaRuns

      TinaRuns Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      Sept 2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection / perforation
      Maybe try therapy. This has been total hell for me. But I am trying every day to get better, find sleep solutions, and maximize every other aspect of my health (example: I'm about to check for any other vitamin deficiencies that could impact sleep) even more than I was already doing before tinnitus entered my life about one year ago (along with many other ear issues and major surgery for my ear, which many on here haven't experienced and was its own hell).

      I really wish this thread didn't exist to be honest. It's not very hopeful to open the forum and constantly see "suicidal" at the top.

      I really, sincerely believe that many people can get better. Most people. I have had catastrophic impact on my life. I have cried and thought this isn't the life I want to live, endlessly.

      But I have also fought like hell to get my life back. And I have to say that has been happening, slowly but surely. I enjoy a lot in my life at this point, and the tinnitus isn't bothering me nearly as much during the day or even at night. Really my only sticking point is still sleep, and I refuse to take medications that I have always believed will ultimately destroy health. That's been VERY tough. But I have a group of supplements and strategies that often work. I'm convinced that a lot of my remaining insomnia is caused by supplements and other lifestyle issues, more than the tinnitus, although that doesn't help. So I'm still working every single day to improve and figure out what I need to sleep, be happy, and stay healthy.

      I really believe we need to be positive. We need to believe that we can control some aspects of this horrible condition.

      I read someone who said they were thankful for their tinnitus because it ultimately improved their lives. I thought that was nuts when I read it. And I still do. But I'm trying to adopt more of that attitude around my tinnitus.

      I realize other people are in different places. I just wish everyone would try HARD to focus on what might help them today. That's the absolute only way to get better.
       
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    2. Kriszti

      Kriszti Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      2016/2017/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      I'm trying therapy, so far I'm not so sure that it's helping, but we'll see. I also tried a myriad of things to fight severe insomnia due to tinnitus, so I know that it's hell and it got better, but I'm nowhere near proper sleep yet.

      I'm really glad that you are able to control aspects of this truly terrible condition and get your life back.

      But what makes you think that many here are not trying HARD to focus on what might help them today?

      I really do wish that there wasn't a need for threads like this, but we can't sugarcoat the fact that tinnitus and hyperacusis do make people suicidal. This thread provides a space for people on the edge to let some steam off and vent. Sad? Very. Necessary? I think so.

      Many sufferers don't have the opportunity or support system to turn to and suicidal thoughts exist anyway.

      There has been talk about that maybe the Suicidal thread could be more "hidden" or moved to somewhere else to not be the first thing when entering the Support section.
       
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    3. Marcuso22

      Marcuso22 Member

      Location:
      Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud prolonged exposure to alarm system
      I don't support that it should be hidden & haven't read that anywhere on here until you mentioned it. Maybe it can be placed elsewhere, but it shouldn't be placed in a way that people on here have a difficult time finding it.

      The world needs to understand how horrible it is to live with this horrid affliction, & that includes MDs, Audiologists, Psychologists, & other hearing therapists. We who suffer with suicidal ideation need to express ourselves because in reality we don't want to die; we actually want to figure out a way to get through this. We also don't want to be written off as another depressed person. Not even in death. Although of course having intrusive tinnitus &/or hyperacusis will make one depressed or add to one's depression which existed prior. If the medical community continues to dismiss how horrid tinnitus &/or hyperacusis by labelling us as another depressed person than for certain a cure or effective treatment will be long out of sight.

      In the end we have to decide for ourselves if life is still worth living. That means there are many factors involved in the decision. We all have different circumstances in which we live. Our personal circumstances can either make things more bearable or more intolerable for us to live with this condition, as is for any chronic condition. Some circumstances forces us to do our best to stick around for our loved ones. Etc. Everyone's situation is unique to them just like their tinnitus & hyperacusis.
       
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    4. Stacken77
      Wishful

      Stacken77 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Sweden
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise (likely headphones & cars), Acoustic trauma did me in
      I completely agree that we should try to maintain a positive outlook on the situation. Losing hope can make everything fall apart.

      A lot of us in this thread doesn't have tinnitus alone. While tinnitus itself, being severe, is extremely hard to cope with, if not impossible, a lot of people here are coping with sensitivity to sound/hyperacusis. I would say that tinnitus, and especially in combination with sound sensitivity is easily one of the worlds most cruel medical conditions, because things can get perpetually worse while the relief of death is nowhere near in sight. Some of us fight with tinnitus that perpetually worsen due to everyday sounds. Sensitivity to sound, in its many shapes and forms poses hard limits on ones life which cannot be compromised with. The only options we have is to wear hearing protection, isolate ourselves and hope that things begin to improve.

      Having "only tinnitus" don't stop anyone from seeking company with friends, enjoying some low volume music or working(given it's not severe-severe). It's possible to "fight ourselves back", but when sensitivity to sound is involved, this is no longer possible.

      This thread needs to exist for those at the brink of suicide which has no options and who can't do even 1/10 of what they previously could because the conditions are so life limiting.

      I believe therapy can be beneficial, when the emotional reaction is irrational because then we can be given tools to manage the emotional reaction and cope better, but there's no therapy in the world which can help one cope with perpetually worsening tinnitus and sensitivity to sound: there are no tools in the toolbox, it's just a matter of trying to survive and finding ones own way.

      Again, I do firmly believe in positivity, but the fact of these medical conditions must be put out there. This thread must exist for people to vent their sorrows and frustrations. I know you sincerely mean well, but I disagree.

      Thinking of you all,
      Stacken
       
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    5. Kriszti

      Kriszti Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      2016/2017/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      I agree with you.

      And also, I apologize for using the world "hidden". It is not what I meant that it should be hard to find, and I put it in quotation marks, because I was struggling to find the right word due to me not being a native English speaker.

      Also, it's not something that the forum staff officially was considering at all. This issue keeps coming up that some balance should be found in letting us have a space for the obvious suicidal ideation while not scaring people new to tinnitus away when opening the Support forum.
       
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    6. danielthor

      danielthor Member

      Location:
      Denmark
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      I actually disagree with this. I’m gonna get all new age-hippie-spiritual on you all but this is just what I believe; All emotional reaction to pain is essentally irrational. It isn’t the situation that’s creating your suffering. It’s your resistance to it. What would the situation be like if you had no thoughts about it? It would hardly be a situation. There are tools; a different state of consciousness. Books can give you this. I highly recommend the Power Of Now by Eckhart Tolle. He’s got hours worth of material up on youtube as well.
       
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    7. Stacken77
      Wishful

      Stacken77 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Sweden
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise (likely headphones & cars), Acoustic trauma did me in
      Well, I do agree with that, and it's worth noting.

      Any emotional reaction may be irrational, but I personally see a great difference e.g. between those who have phonophobia without any sensitivity to sound, and those who do have sensitivity to sound. The former group have a good chance of treating their fear using tools given through therapy, while the latter group know by experience that sound is in fact dangerous to their health. I see a distinction here between irrational fear and rational fear.

      In my point i tried to pursue the difference in what tools can be given through therapy. This may be charged, but I believe that when we have "only tinnitus" we can develop coping mechanisms, adopt a mental fortitude, to push through and live a kinda normal and fulfilling life. I just personally don't see how therapy can help one "live a kinda normal and fulfilling life" when we suffer from progressive tinnitus or LDLs as low as 30 dB, because of the extreme hard limits that forces people into complete isolation. I can only think of one tool which it can bring in those circumstances, and that is to accept and surrender, and I don't know if I personally would be able to survive under such circumstances even if I accepted and surrendered completely.

      I do get your point, and it is completely valid, but I don't see how I personally could manage it practically under those extreme circumstances I've described. There are maybe people that can do it, and in that case, I acknowledge that my previous statement, that came off as dogmatic, may be wrong and not apply to all. This is just how I personally see it.

      Wish you well,
      Stacken
       
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    8. Óscar PP

      Óscar PP Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      Nov 2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Coronavirus
      Yes, check Ajijic Stem Cell.

      Please let us know how it goes in Germany!
       
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    9. danielthor

      danielthor Member

      Location:
      Denmark
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      Oh yeah, I agree on that. I’m not saying to just go out there with severe reactive tinnitus and debilitating hyperacusis and suffer the blows and that you’ll be fine as long you don’t think about it. I perfectly agree with you on it being a rational fear. I would just call that instinct. We know our only way of surviving this is to plug up and in many cases, completely isolate.

      But this is also when a lot of the irrational emotions set it. “the noise is ruining my life”, “Oh god, it’s getting worse”, “where will I be a month from now?”, “I’ve lost everything”, “I’ll never get my life back” These are the thoughts that drive us to suicide, it’s not the situation itself. There are tools for that, there are tools to make our lives fulfilling within the boundaries that we’re currently living it. We’re at a point now where we can’t change our life-situation, but we still have and always will have the option of changing ourselves. Acceptance and surrender really are keys here, but not as means of escape. These things when fully realized will literally shift your whole worldview and your existence. You don’t actually need a normal life to find fulfillment. Living and breathing and being there fully immersed with the present moment without any mental baggage can be as fulfilling as it gets.

      That’s the point I’m trying to make.
       
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    10. Stacken77
      Wishful

      Stacken77 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Sweden
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise (likely headphones & cars), Acoustic trauma did me in
      When you put it that way, I mostly agree. Maybe you can live a fulfilling life under those circumstances, I'm not the judge of that. I haven't really seen the situation from that point of view before, so thank you for adding the nuance.
       
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    11. Exit

      Exit Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise
      No offense, I know your intentions are good but this is kinda like trying to live outside of reality...

      Maybe it can work for short periods, but there is a reason normal people hold their ears when they hear awful noises like nails on chalkboard.

      Reality hits you sooner or later is my take... :(

      Living a life with health that hinders you to have a “life” is very depressing and leaves people with suicidal ideation.

      Be it isolation due to ear issues or a young man I see in his electric wheelchair rolling around from his flat to the nearest grocery store...

      I imagine no matter how optimistic and positive his attitude, he will still wake up feeling like shit half his mornings...
       
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    12. Tau
      In pain

      Tau Member

      Location:
      Europe
      Tinnitus Since:
      2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      2019-Concert, 2021-headphones/acoustic trauma at 110dB,16kHz
      What's sad is that I had never been sensitive to those kinds of noises. Wouldn't even wince. And now I can't walk in the city without earplugs.
       
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    13. danielthor

      danielthor Member

      Location:
      Denmark
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      A guy with perfect health who’s had a great life his whole life who’s hair is starting to thin will also wake up feeling like shit half his mornings.

      That is the way we’ve been conditioned. If only someone had told us from the very start of our lives that life was going to be difficult, that difficulty was an essential part of life and of living, we wouldn’t be so opposed to the difficulties once they come. We would simply take it as a part of the experience of life. We have this predetermined notion of life being great all the time, and so once we’re finally confronted with the cold hard facts that it isn’t we immediately oppose it. That is what makes living with tinnitus so difficult. “This shouldn’t be happening”, “I’m not supposed to be here”. “This is wrong”. That in my view, is living outside of reality.

      I get what you’re saying though. I just want to bring a new perspective into this.
       
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    14. jasonbourne

      jasonbourne Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      noise
      Your perspective is that of a person whose had it easy their whole life, who has suddenly been hit with something difficult. So you've come up with all of these rationale to come to terms with your condition. I've been through hardships from the day I remember. Had an abusive father and grew up relatively poor. Moved houses several times before having a stable home when I was 10. My abusive father beat us regularly for the dumbest things. It was horrible. I'd go to school thinking my father killed my mother when I'd come home. I then developed depression and anxiety which started around 14 which caused me to drop out of college a few years later and ruin my dreams. I was depressed and hopeless for years.

      Even after all that, I'd go through through it 1000x over what tinnitus has done to me and my life over the last 3 years.

      So to hell with your dismissive attitude. This is a real and terrible disease. After a certain threshold, the power of the mind isn't enough. Could you live with a sharp needle pain every second of everyday? Sure. Could you live with a stabbing with a knife pain every second of everyday? Good luck.
       
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    15. danielthor

      danielthor Member

      Location:
      Denmark
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      No, actually I’ve been tortured most of my life to the point where I wonder if I was cursed. I’m also right now in the grips of a deteriorating brain-disease. I’ve had your mindset and it hasn’t served me and I’m sick of suffering. It’s either a change in perspective for me or suicide.
       
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    16. jasonbourne

      jasonbourne Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      noise
      It's funny everytime I mention suffering on the internet someone always one ups me. Out of respect I'd take your word for it though.

      You talk about accepting reality, but it seems like you're the one trying to delude themselves, not us. You're the one denying your reality. Whatever helps you cope, but don't expect others to create a fantasy world where suicide is not an option, or where lies and wishful thinking can keep us going. Not everyone is capable of this.
       
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    17. danielthor

      danielthor Member

      Location:
      Denmark
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      This isn’t a competition. You practically accused me of being new to suffering and I defended myself.

      I wouldn’t call this denying my reality. This is actually my way of welcoming it by looking at it clearly and seeing it for what it is. I’m not here to talk you out of suicide. This was a reply to Stacken, saying there were no tools to live with debilitating disease.
       
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    18. TracyJS

      TracyJS Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Illinois
      Tinnitus Since:
      2/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic trauma
      This is a suicide thread. No one has to come here if they don’t want to. If you come here, you are choosing to do so.

      Please do not come to this thread and criticize its existence or the people here who courageously share the depth of their pain.

      Please don’t come here and tell others how they should feel or what their experience of their own suffering should be.

      There are many other threads one can go to if one is looking for positivity.

      “The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it gets one through many a dark night.”
      -Nietzsche

      Let us get through our dark night.
       
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    19. tpj
      Depressed

      tpj Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2008
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      probably noise
      If it was possible to have a choice and I knew how difficult life would be, I would rather have never been born.
       
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    20. Brian P

      Brian P Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      12/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ménière’s disease
      I got tinnitus at suicide levels from the Pfizer vaccine. Now it’s at double suicide levels from tapering off benzodiazepines. I only was on it a month and a half before tapering off.

      Does the benzo tinnitus ever go away? I can’t do this much longer. I’ve been hospitalized once for a suicide attempt. The 2nd attempt almost worked. I am scared of being left maimed or crippled and not dead. But alas I can’t live like this.
       
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    21. Marcuso22

      Marcuso22 Member

      Location:
      Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud prolonged exposure to alarm system
      All I can say is that most people have successfully gone on benzos for tinnitus & then have tapered off; preferably with the close supervision of a doctor or being aware to do it in small stages & sometimes by taking another medication in its place before tapering off them. Most people's tinnitus also goes back to baseline usually after a week of having the COVID-19 vaccine. Sometimes an anti-inflammatory drug may help in the short term as well.
       
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    22. Gee82

      Gee82 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      12/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise
      Benzos can be a bitch to get off from.

      Are you seeing a psychiatrist? If not, I would recommend you find a good one that can advise on how to taper properly to minimize the withdrawal effects. He might temporarily switch you to an AD while tapering the benzo.
       
    23. DaveFromChicago

      DaveFromChicago Member Podcast Patron Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Headcold/Flu
      I could not have said it any better.

      That is one of the reasons that I am very glad that I never had children.

      I would not want to bring any new life into the World where there even existed such an unbelievably appalling condition as this.

      After having read all of the smug, self-serving encomiums from the Habituationists, I have reached the carefully considered conclusion that Habituation, when reduced to it's essentials, is no more than twisting your Consciousness into becoming Tinnitus's Full Fledged Bitch (which is also another definition of "Tinnitus Management").

      There seems to be some principle involved in maintaining one's self-respect by not capitulating into this state of abject subservience (and as far as I am concerned, that is the case no matter what the consequences may be.)

      Sorry, but I cannot shake loose the suspicion that Habituation advice still feels like the flimsiest self-imposed con job that will collapse like the proverbial House of Cards, especially when a spike occurs.

      And, what the f**k did Michael Leigh mean when he wrote that, since 19 out of 20 ailments are not curable but treatable this gave him all the impetus he needed to fully habituate?

      My migraines are not curable but the pain completely disappears when I take the drug Maxalt. Did it ever occur to him that this is precisely why even the most severe migraines are absolutely not within the same category as tinnitus?

      That is my problem with accepting Habituation; so many of it's endorsements are riddled with commentary that is just common-sense, plain wrong.

      All this nonsense about "how much tinnitus was a journey that taught me so much about myself" only makes me reflect about how by having this I am fully flush up against the tragic, inescapable horror of Life.
       
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    24. Brian P

      Brian P Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      12/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ménière’s disease
      I did it under supervision. It took me 9 weeks to taper off with a crossover to Valium from Klonopin. I got the vaccine in February and it’s still horrific.
       
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    25. Damocles
      Spooky

      Damocles Member Benefactor

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      2009
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear Infection
      Epic post.
       
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    26. dan
      Chatty

      dan Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Toronto, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise
      Nailed it right there...
       
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    27. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      Would people here still be as suicidal if their tinnitus could be "cured" or turned to a "mild" condition?

      I don't understand many people here who seem more preoccupied with other situations but have hardly any comments on that.
       
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    28. Luman
      Spaced

      Luman Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Brooklyn
      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Intermittent Tinnitus probably noise induced
      Habituation is not user-controlled or conjured up, it's a natural thing that the body and mind usually progress to. Unfortunately, this does not happen for everybody, in many instances for those with extreme levels of tinnitus which is very difficult or impossible to habituate to. Until there is a cure, habituation will no doubt be the primary way of dealing with tinnitus for the vast majority of the world's population with tinnitus, which is many millions.
       
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    29. Luman
      Spaced

      Luman Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Brooklyn
      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Intermittent Tinnitus probably noise induced
      It sounds like you're like myself, very sensitive to benzo withdrawal. I went through hell for many months, after going cold turkey in Jan. 2018, and I had only taken them less than a hundred times over the course of four months. I previously took them for about four years, several times a week, between 2005 - 2010, which may have caused kindling when I started again in Sept. 2017 for tinnitus relief.

      Unless there is a chance of convulsions or death from withdrawal, I would not advise going to a psychiatrist or doctor for help, they generally do not recognize benzo post-withdrawal syndrome.

      You cannot recover properly if alcohol is consumed.

      The good news is, this syndrome subsides and the brain goes back to normal.

      For the best advice, I would recommend BenzoBuddies and the success stories therein.
       
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    30. Brian P

      Brian P Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      12/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ménière’s disease
      Did you ever recover? I never plan on reinstating the Klonopin. I need to be off the drugs to heal.
       
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