Suicidal

This explains it better than I ever could:

Towards the optical cochlear implant: optogenetic approaches for hearing restoration

I'm not sure if they will (at least initially) make them have customizable ranges to exclude normal areas. It might not be an initial feature at least.

 

I hate my life.

 

Do you feel like the whole COVID-19 situation has made it worse? I'm going to guess you have been dealing with your ear problems for more than 1 year.

Have things gotten worse since the lockdown?

 

I've had tinnitus for years but today marks 1 month since I've lost music due to hyperacusis.

Honestly if I'm not better by February I'm seriously offing myself.

 

I attempted on Christmas but chickened out lol.

There are some crisis counseling websites that use chat windows instead of using a phone, which could help. But I think suicide hotlines personally are a joke. As with most therapy. It's all the same methods. Repeating back what's wrong with you, saying "that must make you feel pretty darn lousy, huh?"

I guess for some, talking about things can make them feel better. But when you just talk about it constantly and realize talking is the only thing you can do, you can't help but get a bit jaded when there's no solution.

And, as was mentioned in this thread before, god forbid you mention you're sad or anxious in any way involving this. People will stick to that like glue.

It sucks. But don't throw in the towel just yet. Let's see what results come for the next few months in terms of drugs in the pipeline. Plus you're still very early on and there's no way to know things won't even out.

 

Man that would be hard on me too. I'm an audiophile with a nice set of Martin Logan electrostats.

Reminds me of people like Robin Williams that had Lewy Body Dementia. He had a lot of psychological problems prior too. He reached the breaking point.

 

@__nico__

Nico, I read your profile post. I don't want to be a hypocrite because I do get suicidal as well and I don't know what you can take. I just would like to say that member dpdx had horrible hyperacusis and his got a whole lot of better after a while. Many people with hyperacusis and distortions do get better. I know that you've been struggling for way longer with tinnitus than distortions and hyperacusis, but maybe give yourself more time than the end of the month, especially that you say that you were 95% distortion free at the end of the year. If it happened once, it could happen again and permanently. If you can, please hold on.

 

Dignitas might assist you, if you can show them the history of your issues and how bad your life / condition is.

If there is no more realistic therapy which can stabilize you and reduce the symptoms they might help.

You have to suffer very badly and explain with a clear mind that you don’t want to live like this anymore. This is your right and allowed in Germany.

There is a point where it’s not anymore humane.

I have talked to Dignitas as well as to the DGHS organization (in fact they cooperate).
It takes 3-4 months after your request with all the documentation and green light.
It costs 5000€ in DGHS.
In Switzerland there is Lifecircle organization. This costs 10.000€.

I will check what I do next. You can apply and never ask for the step but it will give at least a good feeling for your „exit strategy“.

However, all the organizations want to see your health history and you should not suffer from physical / mental issue only. Then they might not assist you.

 

Hey, I’m dealing with loud hissing which is giving me quite a bit of grief. I’ve had a long stretch where my ears have been good but my little cousin hasn’t learned how to use his indoor voice yet.

I had really just about a good week. There were times where I had increases but I could cope. He frequently slams doors and yells. He’s leaving on a plane now. This spike is bending me out of shape even though it’s only been like 40 minutes since I woke up. I’ve also been extremely stressed so that’s a contributing factor. It’s just this loud hissing came before my tinnitus was really severe before and I don’t know what to do.

Any words of encouragement at all would be nice and help me push through a bit.

 

I would say this was to be expected as you’ve been so stressed out about the good days that you were having. There will always be that psychological trigger, where something will happen that concerns you, and then it’s really easy for your tinnitus to ramp right up. I’ve lived through this over and over and over again. I feel I could write a book on it.

First of all, don’t worry about your ears, they will not have been damaged. The spike will go, but you will likely go through hell worrying about it, as I have many many many many times as well. I would say that this is a common theme amongst all the members here.

Nowadays, I respond significantly better to these triggers because my emotional response is much more proportionate and controlled. Whereas I might have freaked out about an incident for days and weeks (making my tinnitus worse as a consequence), now I mentally move on in short order.

My advice to you is to calm down, watch a movie you enjoy or something, and try to relax. Don’t beat yourself up. A certain amount of time will pass and you will forget all about this incident, until the next time, and then one day you’ll realise that it has happened so many times that you don’t even remember most of them. In other words, what can seem like a humongous deal now will be utterly irrelevant in the near future because you’ll be worrying about something else instead. I’ve already been down this path.

The caveat here, of course, is that some people have severe hyperacusis, and that is different.

Your number one priority has to be to get your anxiety under control.

 

The other day when someone mentioned tinnitus, and then came the comments: wish you would shut up, thanks for reminding me, my buddies were in the marines, etc, etc. that was all the help I needed to move on to another subject. If you are the type of person that gets fixated on your hissing then it might be better to try getting it off your mind... do something that you like to do or even something you don't... just to change the focus of your mind. I like a sound generator that has rain sound... I also have that damn hissing and at times it does drive me crazy. But what usually happens is that after a bad day or a couple of bad days I know that I will have some good days ahead.

 

Where do we draw the line?

 

Suicide hotlines can't lower tinnitus so I don't know why people urge others to use them here. It's bizarre.

 

I think it's a good thing when people with chronic health problems disconnect from reality and focus their everything on a hobby/hobbies. They just need a life time supply of disability income to keep them sustained. I wouldn't have a problem with any of this CBT and behavioral therapy stuff if it didn't focus on disciplinary reformation for vocation, or harmful controversial loudness desensitization therapies that are poorly researched.

Also it will make a lot people feel better if they do not feed on Joyce's pessimistic philosophy.

She is right about MRIs, re-exposures to loud noise, and headphones making it worse. But the thing is only a few people (very small minority) get worse by sound desensitization therapies. I know it's a concern but she is beyond paranoid and treats everyone as if they are a severe risk candidate. I know from personal experience that noxacusis can go away with time, and as long as you never go to concerts ever again in your life you'll be fine.

There are two extremes that should be rejected.

Paranoid that everything is going to trigger permanent setbacks.

Or a perfectionist regenerative fairy-tale will take place with full cures and we will be able to go to rock concerts again.

 

Yes, same here, but we will be rewarded in the afterlife, while them others will be rotting in hell.

 

Spot on Contrast. Perfectly articulated.

 

Knowing my luck the arbiter will be like "Remember when you stole a pack of cheezits from 7/11?" And I'll be right down there with them.

I'm trying to use this time to dedicate myself to personal projects and hobbies I didn't have time for before, and maybe commission work if it gets to that point. I can't help but feel down for being back in the unemployed shut-in position though because I took so long to get out of it. I wanna ride the wave and somehow get disability (seems impossible though) but I can't help but feel ashamed of it.

I have people breathing down my neck telling me to find a job, and I've no doubt if I tried to pursue therapy again they'd shame me for not having one. I barely have any marketable skills as is. That plus not being able to use phones...

Maybe it's time to feign insanity.

 

Plenty of people suffer from tinnitus but don't even consider suicide. Having them talk with a professional or someone else that tried to commit suicide can help them mentally deal with the noise. Everyone's ability to deal with the condition is different.

 

But why would someone who doesn't consider suicide benefit from talking to people who attempted to commit suicide because of tinnitus? I may be lost in translation, but this doesn't really seem logical to me.

 

1 day closer to inevitable suicide.

I wish I could engage in my hobbies to distract myself but I just can't anymore. My illness took all of my hobbies and all of my life away. I've really stopped caring about anything and I'm just not going to guilt myself into not committing suicide anymore.

 

I think the problem is that tinnitus is subjective and undoubtedly with varying degrees of severity. Of course, the same is also true with hyperacusis. If someone with mild hyperacusis, that wasn't progressive, counseled me on not committing suicide, I'm not sure it would help that much. It's also true that people have different capacities for habituation (for tinnitus), but again, we don't always know whether it's their habituation strategies or that the tinnitus tone and volume is just less intrusive.

I always come back to hope. One needs some sort of hope to keep going. Severe hyperacusis is not a life worth living.

I feel like if I recover, I may have an obligation to post my story since a lack of hope is a big driver of my suicidal thoughts. Currently, there are no success stories that resemble my problem. My audiologist, who has training for hyperacusis, says my situation is highly unique. My top rheumatologist and otologist say my problem is rare. There's only so much a therapist can say with regards to "not thinking straight".

On the other hand, people who are new to hyperacusis should never consider suicide in the early days as they often get better. A suicide hotline or therapist may be really helpful for this person.

 

Hi Nico,

As a general rule before one pulls the plug...

You have to give it 2 to 3 years before making that decision.
A lot will likely change for the majority of people, it just happens slowly. There's lots of evidence of that here including myself.

Hold on for dear life and know your not alone. Get some drugs if necessary.

Peace be with you Nico,
Daniel

 

Hyperacusis has taken so many things from me... music, my job, my freedom, and worst of all my children. I never would have guessed that my ears would be the ones to kill me. I must have done something horrendous in a past life to deserve this torture.

 

Back when I was a child, I did horrible horrifying things to small reptiles. Now, I'm paying for it. No need to look into a past existence explanation.

 

I understand. How can everyone else I know avoid the torture but me!?

 

Trust me, the low frequency shit isn't any better. Maybe at very low where you have rumbling or something. Mine is 500 Hz or 600 Hz of roaring/whirring along with the high pitched shit too. God this shit is hell.

 

Another trash day where my tinnitus is taking over my life. I wish I just had a static ringing - instead, it's waves and waves of dynamic, changing, debilitating noise. I feel more and more like this is a brain issue and I'm going nuts. It's like loud noise now creates a hyper highway directly to my brain, and my brain is in spasms.

I'm so jealous of people for whom this is just an annoyance. My family has begun to lose patience with me and now I don't dare complain - I just need to endure it by myself, but it's so hard.

I don't even know how regenerative medicine would help me - it seems like my brain is just damaged. I want to believe it can go back to normal but honestly, I have doubts.

 

I'm right there with you.

I got a new tone recently and I have no idea why, maybe because I tried to exercise last week, which is BS. I've been doing everything right but still, my ears continue to scream at me in at least 12 different voices now.

There are a few things that make me think it's my brain too. I'm praying I'm wrong but I just don't know. I wish I could be lobotomized.

 

I'm honestly offing myself this weekend. Life just isn't worth it. I'm just putting this out there so people know how bad hyperacusis can get.

 

No you won't. Deep down you know you are going to wait at least 2 years to see if it gets better. Deep down your will to live surpasses the transient hope to die. Deep down you know that you only have this one shot at life. Deep down you don't want to miss out on it no matter how painful the existence can sometimes be.